Twins 2, Phillies 13: Phillies Destroy Dallas Keuchel, Every Other Twins Pitcher in Beatdown

[Matt Braun]

The best part of that game was when it ended. 

Image courtesy of Kyle Ross-USA TODAY Sports

 

Box Score
Dallas Keuchel: 1 2/3 IP, 6 H, 6 ER, 2 BB, 0 K
Home Runs: Jorge Polanco (7), Max Kepler (19)
Bottom 3 WPA: Dallas Keuchel (-.486), Ryan Jeffers (-.073), Joey Gallo (-.054)
Win Probability Chart (via FanGraphs)

For a moment, it appeared to be 2019 again; the last time the Twins played at Citizens Bank Park, Jorge Polanco hit for the cycle and Max Kepler homered in all three games. Four years later, the two went back-to-back in the 2nd inning, giving Minnesota a quick 2-0 lead. 

That would be the apex of the game, though, as Dallas Keuchel imploded in the 2nd inning, allowing enough hits to get himself removed before the third out could be had. 

It was a bludgeoning dynamic and brutal; the Phillies cracked six hits, churning in just as many runs as everything Keuchel threw was walloped into empty grass. Even the two outs he earned brought in runs. Batted balls failed to find gloves, instead banging around the field, creating chaos and scoring runs as the visions of his double plays on Sunday become distant and unrecognizable. Across 10 balls in play, Keuchel allowed an average exit velocity of 95.5.

To his credit, at least, the Phillies terrorized every pitcher the Twins threw out there; Josh Winder could only last two frames before giving way to Brent Headrick; neither man survived without allowing multiple earned runs. 

In the background—as Minnesota’s pitchers allowed contact loud and obtrusive—the Twins settled into their usual routine against left-handed starters, with flashes of scoring potential drowned in their monolith of muck. Cristopher Sánchez did as Keuchel was supposed to, coaxing nine groundouts over six frames to earn a workman-like win.

If you looked closely, there were three generations of crafty lefties at the stadium: Keuchel—whose remaining playing days appear few—Sánchez, who looks well-suited to join the ranks of tricky southpaws of year’s past, and Jim Kaat, who likely watched Keuchel with the painful eye of a player who knows all too well how a start like his could occur. 

The rest of the game was the slow, inevitable march towards 27 outs. It’s baseball at its least compelling; runs scored by either side feel like vain roadblocks on the way to the inevitable conclusions. Relievers replace each other endlessly. Hits and walks? Pointless. A decent lawyer could argue they never happened. Sometimes time can appear to move backwards during these Twilight Zone frames creating infinite, inconsequential baseball.

Jordan Luplow eventually pitched, placing the perfect bow on top of this awful game. 

Notes:

Dallas Keuchel has not struck out a batter in 6 2/3 innings with the Twins.

Max Kepler is one homer away from tying his second-highest single-season homer total. He is many home runs away from reaching the 36 he hit in 2019. 

Jordan Luplow has now been involved in three instances of a position player pitching since joining the Twins; Saturday was his first on the mound venture with his new club.

Carlos Correa extended his hitting streak to seven games. 
Post-Game Interview:
What’s Next?

The Twins and Phillies will play the second game of their series at 5:05 PM on Saturday; Pablo López will start against Taijuan Walker. 

Bullpen Usage Spreadsheet

 

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[Hubie29]

At least we now know why we picked up Luplow.  We might need to pitch him a couple times a week the way things are going. 

[Ex-Iowegian]

My god this team is hard to watch…

[rv78]

17 minutes ago, Ex-Iowegian said:

My god this team is hard to watch…

I stopped a long time ago. What's your excuse?

[Parfigliano]

40 minutes ago, Ex-Iowegian said:

My god this team is hard to watch…

Glad I went out for dinner and didn't

[Blyleven2011]

It's so repetitious day after day , no excitement since the 2 walk off wins against the snakes ....

Phillies pitcher did not have a win in the majors dating back to last season  , tonight he got his first win of the season  ...

Game started out promising in second inning  with Polanco and  kepler going back to back with homer ...

Noticed the lefthanded veterans got to start  against a left handed Phillies  pitcher , leaving our younger players sitting on the bench  ...

Gallo , kuechel , and bullpen  , enough said ....

Winning streak of 5 , followed by a 4 game losing streak so far ...

Good grief ...

[mikelink45]

We wondered if Kuechel had what it took to come back - we have an answer

We wondered if we could convert our minor league starters into BP arms - we have that answer too

Gallo came in to keep our strikeout record in sight. 

Help - how could I spend the evening following this game?

[AceWrigley]

Even the broadcasters didn't seem too interested in the game itself, even when the Twins were hitting back to back jacks in the 2nd. What the heck?

[Nashvilletwin]

15 minutes ago, Blyleven2011 said:

Noticed the lefthanded veterans got to start  against a left handed Phillies  pitcher , leaving our younger players sitting on the bench  ...

Exactly. Just when it looked like Gallo would be jettisoned, Kiriloff gets hurt…  Just let the kids get their ABs.

Anyway, let’s hope we are still above .500 on Sunday night.

[USAFChief]

Searching for a silver lining: Rocco's inexplicable use of Duran in Thursday's loss didn't come back to bite us.

[BH67]

Good job blocking that extra point!

[Mike Sixel]

Dobnak is a better option. 

[LewFordLives]

Can we all finally agree that Keuchel has no business being on a major league roster?

[LastOnePicked]

2 hours ago, Mike Sixel said:

Dobnak is a better option. 

Show me everything that's gone wrong with this club this week in just one sentence.

[CRF]

8 hours ago, AceWrigley said:

Even the broadcasters didn't seem too interested in the game itself, even when the Twins were hitting back to back jacks in the 2nd. What the heck?

You're 100% right. It's like they didn't give a rip. Dick even took a couple mild shots at the team. Never thought I'd hear that. 

[Peter]

Ugly loss. That’s all that needs be said. Take next2 win series and get back in winning streak next week with Detroit/Pittsburgh. 

[Mortimerkenny21]

I think I stopped following when it went from 6-2 to 9-2. Stinks pretty bad. But today is another day. Let's win today Twins, please!

[mikelink45]

1 hour ago, CRF said:

You're 100% right. It's like they didn't give a rip. Dick even took a couple mild shots at the team. Never thought I'd hear that. 

I understand - can you imagine having to sit through all their games and go through the ups and downs that all the fans have, but still you have to describe what is happening (or not happening) and stay beyond the last pitch.  I believe they might need combat pay or treatment for PTSD,

 

[HoskenPowell]

Take two double plays and a couple very , very hard hit outs away from Dallas' first  start and it would be a bad as last night.    He's toast. Get him off the roster today.     Ridiculous.  

[Riverbrian]

Every baseball season is like this. 

[Whitey333]

We knew kuechel wasn't going to be good.  His highest velocity was 88.  If you don't pitch perfect with such slow speeds you will get bombed.  Save yourself some headaches twins and release him now.  He's been released several times the past few years.  He's used to it.  He's toast!  During this 4 game losing streak twins have been outscored 31-7.  This is not a good team.  Just mediocre like the JV division they play in.  But I'm sure they will "win" the division since the other teams also appear uninterested.  Then the manage and FO will tell us all what a great job they did in assembling and managing this team.  They will probably need exrays on their arms and ahoulders from all the self back patting.  Good grief!!

[GCTF]

"Washed Up Pitcher Is Washed Up" would have saved a lot of keystrokes. 

[Blyleven2011]

12 hours ago, Nashvilletwin said:

Exactly. Just when it looked like Gallo would be jettisoned, Kiriloff gets hurt…  Just let the kids get their ABs.

Anyway, let’s hope we are still above .500 on Sunday night.

Let's hope we are above 500 at the end of the season .... 

Sad but true ,,, 1 step forward and 3 steps back just isn't going to cut it ...

Sure glad I was listening to game on radio while driving  and didn't watch it  , I'm. Ready to toss the TV  and I probably would have last night  ...

Last night against the Phillies showed exactly what is wrong with team and the construction  of the team from FO  , hope ownership will toss something this off season ...

[David Maro]

A couple of weeks ago I said Kuechel was a LH Bundy and would only be good for a inning or two. I was half right,he did last for one inning. You are not going to win any games scoring 2 runs in 3 games. People seem to get so excited with Polanco and Kepler hitting solo homeruns. The Phillies put the game out of reach with singles,doubles and walks. Rocco gave the game away in the 2nd inning leaving Kuechel in too long. Can't let the other team use your pitcher for batting practice. The BP still has no long relief pitcher,Winder and Sands are not it. So far this team has luck on its side with Cleveland playing Tampa this weekend. We have Texas and Tampa ahead and Cleveland is not going away.

[JD-TWINS]

Why is Solano not on the IL? Mild MCL knee sprain with a swollen ankle. That’s a week off!! Need bats that are available. Not his fault. 

Garlick could fill in - right?

Assuming Solano out on Monday to IL, backdating a few days. Lewis to the 26 man.

Can’t continue to play Gallo as primary option at 1B! If they want to carry Gallo through September as one of the two roster expansion slots, they may need to put him on IL to get him to September 1st.

What’s the update on Kirilloff??

[NotAboutWinning]

Unless changes are made (and I honestly have no idea what they could do at this point), this is what the play-offs will look like.

[karcherd]

2 hours ago, JD-TWINS said:

Why is Solano not on the IL? Mild MCL knee sprain with a swollen ankle. That’s a week off!! Need bats that are available. Not his fault. 

Garlick could fill in - right?

Assuming Solano out on Monday to IL, backdating a few days. Lewis to the 26 man.

Can’t continue to play Gallo as primary option at 1B! If they want to carry Gallo through September as one of the two roster expansion slots, they may need to put him on IL to get him to September 1st.

What’s the update on Kirilloff??

Can we stop hoping for washed up journeyman veteran players will help us, Garlick does nothing for this team.  Bring up the best player regardless of what side of the plate they hit from.  It is not illegal to have left handed hitters in the line up against left handed pitchers.