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Dave The Dastardly

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Dave The Dastardly last won the day on March 6 2021

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  1. Wow! TD sure scrambled the info I tried posting. What's the secret to posting chart-like info?
  2. Okay, so the Twins have "Farmed" out shortstop. Unless of course the FO goal is to quickly swap Farmer for two PTBNL, a broken down reliever and a partridge in a pear tree. Anyway, I asked Daddy Warbucks to give us a quick assessment of the financial impact of swapping the two shortstops. Stats (2022) Player Salary WAR HR Ave (Maria?) RibEyes OPS Cost per WAR Cost Per RBI Correa $35 mill 5.4 22 .291 64 .834 $7 million $546,875 Farmer $3 mill 1.0 14 .255 78 .701 $3 million $ 38,461 If you're the Twins accountant (or the Run Creator Coordinator), who's your Daddy?
  3. That World War I smell was a clinger. Heard through the grape vine Paparesta fired locker room swamper Dizz N. Terry because he thought the guy was behind spreading that ‘nightmare diarrhea’. Might've had a hand in it. Just goes to show the little guy always gets it in the shorts...
  4. Yep, smart move to clear up the log jam and pick up a decent prospect in return. But I wouldn't hold my breath waiting for Correa to get a return gig with the Twins.
  5. God, that photo looks like a pending double-groiner pull! Lord have mercy! Makes me flinch just looking at it. Pulled one myself in my mid-forties. Doc told me it would take 6 months to recover. I protested. Told him professional athletes recover in a third of that time. Doc told me Number One; you're not a professional athlete, Number Two; you're in your forties, you're lucky you still have a groiner to pull, Number Three; you've never stuck with the physical therapy I've prescribed for your past coaching-related injuries so six months would be a gift in your case. Doc was wrong... took me 7 months to fully recover. But a double groiner-pull? Shoot me!
  6. I've got a jar full of fake silver coins; you know, US mint quarters, dimes and nickels I'll throw in on the Correa deal since they're no longer accepted as legal tender at Fleet Farm, which is no longer "fleet" (took awhile to get checked out) and they're not much into "farm" either. But they do have a large selection of potato chips and peanuts though. "Plow Through Our Chips" is their new farm motto. Anyway, there was this sign on the checkout counter "Please use your plastic to pay for your items as we don't have any coins to make change." What's the country coming to when its own coinages of the realm are no longer legal tender? I suppose partly because you can't even get a Salted Nut Roll anymore without forking over a $2 bill so what do you do with coins? Put 'em in a sock and carry 'em around like a sap? So I'll up the ante for Correa with my coinage. Maybe Correa can drill out his bats and stuff 'em full of coins. You know, since MLB deflated their baseballs and spindly grandmothers can no longer hit moonshot homeruns. Ought to add a couple of points to his OPS. But if he ain't into jimmying his bat, there's gotta be ten bucks in my coin jar. Enough to get Correa a couple two-three bags of chips at Fleet. He can split the take with Boras. Let the chips fall where they may.
  7. I'd recommend GasX. Got that tip from a chance meeting with the Twins Assistant Bloat Coordinator. Him and the Twins Keyboard Coordinator were having a couple of Hamms down at Louie's. Seems they both got the hots for chili.
  8. I want to know what a Run Creation Coordinator does. Does he teach the players not to overrun second when there's already a player standing there? Hmm. Fail. Or is he a like video game player? You know, overseeing the players' Madden tournament in the club house, making sure nobody tries to claim a two-point conversion when they actually kicked the PAT. Wait a minute... I got it. He leads the team prayer meetings. That's why they call him "The Creator"! Dominus Vobiscum.
  9. Or some team horribly sad. Like several have mentioned, Sano has always been a streak hitter. Not a player to count on. An occasional moonshot doesn't put a team in the playoffs.
  10. Good arguments all. So to resolve the infield uncertainties the first thing we have to do is resolve the Correa question, then the Kirilloff question, then the Lewis question (which also hinges on the Correa question) then the Arraez question before we can address the Miranda question. Unless Lee screws things up and then all bets are off. In the meantime the Buxton question and the bullpen question are hanging out there like fresh-washed sheets in a tornado; bring 'em in or dive for cover.
  11. Totally agree Miranda has to be a regular, but given Rocco's (and front office?) obsession to use his young players as jack-of-all-positions, master-of-none, to no strategic advantage, I'd prefer Miranda at 3rd 80% of the time, 10% as DH and 10% at 1B. Assuming Kirilloff is back, he and Arraez can hold down 1B and Miranda can than focus on improving his fielding at one position instead of two. Arraez and his bad wheels should get more time at DH and I'm sure the continually hobbled Buxton will need more time there as well. So we don't "need" to look for a DH and Urshela (and I like the guy) is expendable, available for trading in the Twins' perennial search for pitching help. Not that Urshela necessarily has a one-for-one trade value for an established pitcher, but packaged with a prospect or two out of the ballyhooed "pipeline", and Sano thrown in as a freebie, we might get someone that doesn't immediately require an appointment with Tommy John. So in this Miranda scenario you are absolutely correct; the 2023 season will hinge on the health of Kirilloff and Buxton.
  12. Nobody can be as bad as Go Go. He's sort of the Mendoza Line of base running. Thanks for bringing him up though, started me laughing, one of those schadenfreuda moments in Twins history.
  13. Can't agree on Miranda. He's the best (maybe only?) Twins clutch hitter. He stays on the Big Club and works on fielding between RBIs, though I wouldn't agree that his fielding is "poor" either. It can use some improvement, but so can most of the other Twins position players. Wallner should open with the Twins for a longer look. That means he plays, Rocco, not sit on the bench. Give him a taste for a month or two and then make the decision if he's "ready" or not. Gordon has proven he belongs. He's been jerked around from position to position and yet has been another reliable bat. Besides, we'll need him to replace Buxton in center for probably 20-30 games. Celistino, yeah, AAA. Quality veterans? No. Time to stop looking for lightning in a bottle. Use the "Pipeline" . Can't keep filling up the minor leagues with "prospects" we never test at the major league level.
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