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Dave The Dastardly

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Everything posted by Dave The Dastardly

  1. Dave The Dastardly
    Whoa! Got taken to the woodshed on that comment. And in retrospect the criticism was probably justified, my wording was too strong. In my defense I was trying to refer to what myself and others often see as the Twins general (not just Zebby) reluctance to bring up deserving kids from the farm in favor of signing ( or keeping) fading veteran players (Farmer, Margo as examples?) That tendency apparently frustrates some some more than others.
  2. Dave The Dastardly
    Glad to see the move. It was getting to the point where the FO couldn't find an excuse for keeping this kid down on the farm. Had to give Zebby a shot at Triple A or risk major embarrassment. I mean it's not like the Twins couldn't use another arm ready and waiting in St. Paul before this season's over.
  3. Dave The Dastardly
    This was a tongue-in-cheek comment. Gross as that may sound.
  4. Dave The Dastardly
    "Swamp ass". Though I've experienced it first hand (little play on words there) I've never known its proper name. So I checked the medical dictionary and sure enough, there it was. Even had a few photos of the affliction. My advice; don't go there.
  5. Dave The Dastardly
    I've seen more fans at Wal-Mart
  6. Dave The Dastardly
    We had a guy on our football team that insisted he played his best when injured. So we beat the crap out of him right before kick-off. Didn't work,
  7. Dave The Dastardly
    That looks like a near-fatal dose of heartburn.
  8. Dave The Dastardly
    Wallner and Julien in a "prove it mode" to the Twins, Emma Rodriguez and Luke Keaschall to the Saints. I can't see Wallner or Julien doing worse that Margot and Farmer, neither of which has a future with the Twins. Time to find out if Wallner and Julien do. Rodriguez and Keaschall are only a year or two away if they can prove themselves in AAA so the Twins should make room for them in St. Paul now. And there's Kearsey...
  9. Dave The Dastardly
    Again with the trade. You're obsessed with a trade. The best "addition" for the Twins right now is via subtraction. Subtract Farmer and Margot. Give the younger guys some Major League playing time.
  10. Dave The Dastardly
    Eerily, Zartan, the God of Torment, appeared in my dreams last night, Zartan and I have more than a passing relationship, and told me the Injury Gods plan to strike Lee and Lewis with the ol' Double Pump. The plan is for Lewis to be taking a couple practice bat swings while Lee is passing around behind him at a safe distance. However just as Lee nears Lewis, Rocco's supposed to call out to the kid, distracting him just enough to put himself in the Danger Zone as Lewis rips out a practice grand slam swing. The kid's going to take the barrel across his left ear on Lewis' back swing and tumble to the ground concussed, with visions of the stripper Plum Delights dancing on his chest. A stunned Lewis, feeling the impact all the way through his bat handle, will spin around to weigh the damages he accidentally inflicted on Lee, said spin tearing his Rectus For More of Us quicker than a losing 15-1 Canterbury Downs betting slip. Rocco will race from the dugout, showering a handful of Rest Day tickets over both fallen players while screaming "Get Margot and Farmer in the line up!" The Injury Gods shall laugh and Twins fans shall weep, proving once again for them that what goes around hangs around.
  11. Dave The Dastardly
    Both are exciting prospects but I'd get them a little AAA experience before making the Big Jump. A few starts for the Saints might be all either one needs to prove themselves ready for the Show.
  12. Dave The Dastardly
    I thought it was Mary Chapin Carpenter
  13. Dave The Dastardly
    You're an optimist. We tend to frown on that.
  14. Dave The Dastardly
    Any thoughts as to candidates?
  15. Dave The Dastardly
    Fragile, Italy
  16. Dave The Dastardly
    "Tying up too much money on a part time player could hamstring the team." Nice play on words!
  17. Dave The Dastardly
    I'm afraid it goes deeper than that. The House Weaponization Committee has initiated a conspiracy investigation into this seemingly impossible situation. Several Representatives have suggested aliens are using Presbyterian space lasers to affect umpiring decisions in Cleveland's favor in a naked attempt to demoralize American sports fans and clean up at the Vegas betting windows. The theory is once the aliens compile more money than Elan Musk they're going to buy the White House and turn it into a Dairy Queen. The Committee members fear if the aliens can pull this off they won't be able to get their own licks in.
  18. Dave The Dastardly
    Can you explain this to me in Old People's Language?
  19. Dave The Dastardly
    I can recall as an eight year-old kid riding with my grandfather down to Iowa to smuggle illegal margarine back across the border into Minnesota. Always thought myself a bootlegger and feared I was going to wind up doing time in Alcatraz if we got caught. Got so worried I convinced Gramps to let me pack a cap-gun whenever we made a run. Fortunately I never had to use it. Now that I'm older and slightly wiser I believe we should build a border wall with Iowa and have Mexico pay for it. I hear they like do that. The wall might at least keep my spendthrift cousins down in Iowa from attending our annual family reunion and smuggling AMPI butter back across the border. Gramps always said our Iowawegian cousins came to visit us in Minnesota with one pair of undies and a single $20 bill and went back home without ever changing either. Gramps, by the way, was our town's police chief.
  20. Dave The Dastardly
    Push the button and close the roof?
  21. Dave The Dastardly
    Please tell me the Twins aren't talking about offering him $15,000,000 for his "veteran" leadership.
  22. Dave The Dastardly
    .263, 13 Homers, 40 RBIs What did we get for him again?
  23. Dave The Dastardly
    And it ain't much of a plan.
  24. Dave The Dastardly
    I would go with overpaid more so than overrated. He's better than most in the field; average at the plate.
  25. Dave The Dastardly
    Sid Hartman's tie with Bobby Knight spaghetti sauce on it?
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