Dave The Dastardly

I'God it's depressing talking to you, Pee. Pop Quiz: what movie is that line from? Winner gets a virtual bottle of Grain Belt. I tore my ACL in 1965... been tore ever since. Not as fast as I used to be, which my coach rated as Moderately Slow, but I don't dare stop on a dime.

Sounds like he rectus his femoris.

Just got a new Weber last week for the start of the season but couldn't wait until Opening Day. So the wife and I invited my brother and his wife over for ribs this past weekend... wanted to make sure the grill made it through spring training. Went 4 for 4 at the plate. Gonna be a good season.

Does the front office know that's all it takes?

I've had a soft spot for the Royals since I met both Brett and Poquette in a non-baseball setting back in the 1970's. That soft spot tells me the Royals are looking at a .500 season and will likely embarrass the Twins in a series or two, per usual.

So much for the vaunted pipeline.

Biggest downer is Duran's injury and biggest fear is Buxton's health. The guy can break a rib sneezing. Otherwise I like our chances with this roster. Can't wait to get the Show going!

Sounds like your beer stein is 3/4 empty. I'd suggest a bottle of Grain Belt. Stay away from that canned stuff.

"Cornfed rube". Given the state's predilection for homegrown sweet corn this could be any of us.

Sorry Cody, I ain't buying it. If we could keep the FO away from reclamation projects, the chronically injured, and the over-the-hill dumpster pile this team would be further ahead. It's like they're addicted to betting on long shots. Maybe they should give Gamblers Anonymous a call before they make another trade or free agent acquisition. And as far as the "cheap owners" criticisms, I ain't buying that either. The owners are running a business, the fans are seeking entertainment. Two different goals that have to be balanced. The owners are under no obligation to spend unlimited money entertaining the fans and the fans are under no obligation to spend more than they're willing to on tickets, souvenirs and $8 beers. Ponying up 20-30 million for one pitcher that may or may not win 15 games a year drives up the cost for both owners and fans and doesn't guarantee either more profits or more entertainment. This FO were hired based on their promise to build an internal pipeline of talent, which makes economic sense for a small market team, but then they seem to prefer acquiring damaged and/or worn-out external talent over using their "pipeline" talent, a $10,000,000 Gallo over a $700,000 rookie for example, which makes no economical sense whatsoever for the owners or provides more entertainment value for the fans. So I say forget the search for the elusive and mythical Ace pitcher, stop looking for reclamation projects when your "pipeline" has players ready or near-ready for a shot at the Bigs and for pete sakes cut the price of stadium beers in half. Everybody will be happier.

What about the Dobber?

MN Twins: Preferred destination for elbow surgery. You know where to go.

I'm not sure who the guy in the photo is but I think he just pulled a groiner.

Is that Whitey Ford and Yogi Berra in the photo?

"Point being: hitting the ball hard doesn't mean much if you're getting beaten in a vast majority of your at-bats." Say it ain't so, Nick!

Gotta agree about the polar bear... they'd eat up offensive lineman.

It's great that we have decent young prospects to test out this year instead of plugging up the roster with rehab projects as the Twins have in the past. Let's get this season started!

Or "what arrives on my "smart" phone unsolicited and of questionable veracity"

That's the shifty-looking guy that loiters around the grandstand and goes "Psst! Buddy! You looking for a good time later?" every time you walk by.

When are we going to have the obligatory discussion regarding the inaccessible TV viewing/blackout crap? Once we get that, Twins payroll, wildly speculative trade possibilities and inane statistics out of the way games will begin and we can start ripping the coaches and individual players' performance. Baseball! Get to know it!

The bakery gave TC a job making bear claws but he kept getting his tongue stuck in the glazing machine. The klutz. Word is he left with a suitcase full of donut holes. Security guard didn't see 'em.

I dreamt a couple night's ago that Rocco went north with 6 starters; played two every game (3 innings each), and had the BP take the last three innings. For the 4th game he raided the stockyards and brought up 2 replacement starters; 3 innings each. Oh, and Buxton got a "rest day" for games two and four. Don't know where all that came from, but I've been running a fever ever since... got this nagging cough that won't go away... can't find my old Twins cap... the wife looks furtively away when I ask her if she's seen it... The world's out to get me I tell you...

When MLB starts awarding extra points (runs) for distance and exit velocity that can be carried forward to future games I'll get excited about prodigious power.

Any truth to the rumor Hanson works at the pillow factory? Guy must be a real snoozer...

Gabe lined up a surgeon for Staumont's "Meet the Press" event who for the price of a rookie's annual salary was going to assure Twins fans the pitcher could still throw a baseball but in a hot mike faux pas the doc told Gabe the pitcher was "toast". So Gabe scratched the doc and decided to go with a breakfast cereal huckster instead. The kid can think on his feet.