Dave The Dastardly

Is that a little known Cliff Claven factoid?

Agree with your overall summary, offense in particular. So if we replace Margot and Farmer with the two hottest bats we have in the minor leagues... what do we have to lose?

Yep. Nothing like talking to mom for an entire inning. I hear they're going to interview the postman in the 7th.

Failure To Communicate I read this news story the other day about this English woman who woke up with a Welsh accent. Some kind of medical problem. FND they call it. Functional Neurological Disorder. Apparently it disrupts how the brain communicates with the body. Now I know what’s wrong with me. I always thought I sounded intelligent, but according to my wife of 40 years, I never have. Personally, I think everything I say goes right over her head; she’s only 4’ 10”. I did spend 12 days in North Carolina once and woke up back to Minnesota with a drawl and saying things like “ya’ll” and “soda” instead of pop. Not sure if that was FND or bad beer. The good news is I don’t have a Welsh accent, but I can fake a poor Irish accent if I drink enough Irish whiskey. And I can do a stumbling Colonel Sanders after a bourbon evening. The bad news is I’ve never been able to mimic Sean Connery. I do a pretty decent John Wayne, a passable Richard Nixon and a sometimes recognizable Clint Eastwood. But nothing close to Sean Connery. Just can’t get that full-mouth, back of the tongue, lisp down. Not even after gargling a couple straight shots of whiskey. Even tried growing a goatee once but that didn’t help with the accent either. Which is too bad because the Little Woman becomes amenable at the sound of Connery’s voice. If you know what I mean by “amenable”. All us guys understand that language FND or not. But apparently begging in American doesn’t do much for the Little Woman. Or me either for that matter. I think it’s what they call a failure to communicate. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V2f-MZ2HRHQ So I’m thinking I need to wake up with enough of that FND to pick up a little Connery accent. Maybe if I went to sleep with “The Rock” playing in the background… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFPtQYY4ozc So today we’re hoping the umpire has FND and can only speak in “strikes” when the Twins are hurling… no, not that kind of hurling… Pitching Today Twins: Woods Richardson 2-0 ERA: 2.70 Astros: Brown 1-5 ERA: 6.39

Gotta agree, Kepler is the man. He's hot and should be playing everyday. No worries about Miranda. Historically he's been a slow starter every season and he's just warming up. He's also an RBI machine. Put a man on base in front of him and he rises to the occasion more so than some other Twins "hitters" who can't seem to handle the extra pressure. Willi Castro is a "find". Gotta keep him on the field somewhere. Correa... well, he's just being Correa. Great to see him healthy and earning the big bucks. A guy could almost get giddy over the Twins lineup...

Gotta clear the logjam. Margot and Farmer DFA'd; Kiersey and Lewis to Twins; Rodriguez to St. Paul. Disappointed Keaschall already got promoted, but only because I was hoping to catch him in Cedar Rapids. Wichita is twice as far from home.

Your logic is inescapable. Therefore prepare to be dumbfounded.

I think a handful of Brylcreem and a high deductible insurance policy will eliminate the problem. For sure there won't be any fingers lingering in Joe's luscious locks.

Some player will wake up one morning with an injury he didn't know he had. That will delay the inevitable decision, or Margot or Farmer will be DFA'd if the FO is serious about winning the division and building a competitive team, or a developing younger player who deserves to remain with the Twins will be sent down to "cure" a perceived shortcoming if the FO is in a short term hope-and-pray mode. But you know, if struggling players can only be "fixed" under the tutelage of the AAA manager, shouldn't he be the Twins manager? Then nobody would need to be optioned back to the Saints. He could fix the struggling players right there at the major league level. Illogical?

DFA both Margot and Farmer. Forget this "veterans for depth" crap. If you want depth, develop it by giving our young prospects adequate playing time at the major league level. Cheaper and more oriented to the future.

Axis of Futility Love it!!!

Jinx! No Mendozas?????

It's a good thing Marijuana has been legalized.

Agree about Cardenas. Cossetti is another one to keep an eye on. But both are a couple years out.

Going Bananas I always believed that Minnesota monkeys took it on the chin… or, uh, a little lower down. I mean how many times have you heard “It’s cold enough to freeze the cojones off a brass monkey” epithet here in the Iceberg State? And that’s sort of the crotch, uh, crux of the problem for our wild monkey herd in Minnesota… we’re running out of breeding stock. And that’s why you don't see a monkey swinging through the trees in Minnesota state parks anymore. But you remember that old adage… whenever you think you got it bad, somebody else has it worse? Well, Mexican monkeys have it worse; their dropping dead out of their trees. Can you imagine? You lay out the big bucks to spend a couple weeks in Mexico to escape Minnesota winters, you’re out hiking in the woods in shorts and T-shirt and Bam! A dead monkey falls on your head! That’s enough to give you the shivers. Which defeats the purpose of going to Mexico to avoid the shivers. You’d be better off staying home in Minnesota right next to the wood stove and knitting fur-lined jockstraps for our monkeys. So you gotta wonder, would everyone involved be better off if we transported Mexican monkeys to Minnesota for the summer? If we brought them up in the spring they could get one summer of breeding in, you know, monkeying around, to replenish our wild monkey herd, and then as a reward we could send them back to Mexico equipped with climbing gear and safety nets. Maybe have the snowbirds fly ‘em back. DNR would probably foot the bill for the airfare… you know, for rescuing our monkey herd from extinction. Sounds like a win-win-win situation to me. And that's exactly what we want from our Twins: Win-Win-Win Throwing Bananas From The Apex Twins: Ober 5-2 ERA 4.33 54 K Royals: Lugo 8-1 ERA 1.74 61 K

The Twins prefer to keep an ace in the hole at St. Paul and a deuce in the mlb line-up. It's a psychological ploy.

I take a couple days off every Monday thru Friday so I don't hurt myself on the weekends.

At least he isn't leading off.

Jinx!

There's lots of good ones out there but we've always favored Schmidt's (in Nicollet) sausages. I believe WCCO annointed them as the best sausage joint in the state a few years back. We drive 70 miles to get their meats. Their Maple beef sticks are something to die for (my wife prefers the teriyaki ones). And their summer sausage... get yourself a stick, some colby cheese, ritz crackers, a six-pack of Grain Belt and you're all set for some heavy sports action.

No line-ups yet. I think Vazquez is going to lead off. He's 0-5 against Urena. Keep the base paths open.

Popatrz na to. chciałbym zaoferować ją jakaś poważna koszerna kiełbasa

Heh, Heh, Heh. Forgot to put the date in the leader. 5/24/2024