Dave The Dastardly

The Twins have scouts at all major hospitals.

My bad. It was Roosevelt, but he may have been a Yankees fan.

"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." Winston Churchill. I think Winny would've made a good Twins fan.

A back-up's back-up. It's what they call a depth-move. If they have to bring him up we know we're sunk.

Anyone recall the 2013 All-Star roster that included eight former Twins and two current at the time Twins? That's what sends a shiver down my back when we start talking hypothetical trades/personnel decisions.

Speaking of lost goldmines... I had a bachelor uncle that owned a general store just a block from our home. Had a large confectionary section complete with baseball cards. My uncle put me to "work" at a young age (this was in the 1950's) dusting, shoveling off the walk, moving merchandise, eventually working up to waiting on customers. He paid me in "trade"; model airplanes, model railroad stuff, kites, pop, candy bars and of course, baseball cards. I accumulated hundreds of 'em. "Willed" the collection to a younger brother when I went off to college, who promptly got bamboozled into dumb trades by older collectors. The remaining cards went into the attic when that brother went off to the army. The surviving cards completely "disappeared" when my mother was left "unsupervised" by our youngest brother. Been poor ever since.

I replaced my broken Nellie Fox bat with an Al Kaline bat. Complete opposite of the thick Nellie. Had a skinny handle and heavy barrel. I was amazed by how much more bat speed and power I could generate with the Kaline. Didn't help me against curve balls though. You would've had an easy time pitching to me.

There was about a dozen of us boys of roughly the same age who lived within a few blocks of each other on the west side of town and were naturally called the West Side Boys, like Slip and Satch (the Bowery Boys). Walnut Street was sort of our neighborhood's "main" street, modest traffic and completely shaded by huge elm (go figure) trees. We usually had a street game of baseball going if we didn't have Little League or Midget games to go to. Fly balls would bounce around the elm branches like pinballs, sometimes taking 5 or 10 seconds to finally drop, fielders running around like nuts trying to get underneath the ball that kept changing course. If a resident had their car parked on the street where we were playing they'd come out and move it with a friendly wave. Some staying to watch the action. If a car came down the street, the driver would stop and give us a second to move out of the way, Which we'd do as quickly as possible, waving them through our "diamond" and getting a thankful wave or nod in return. It was a laid back time. I had a Nellie Fox bat that had a handle thick as a tree trunk (Nellie was a bunter) that my kid brother somehow managed to break so we put a couple nails in it and wrapped it with electrical tape. Got a few more hits before it gave up the ghost on an inside fastball. We all had nicknames, traded baseball cards and watched the Dodgers on snowy TV. A simpler time.

Anybody know Sheila's phone number?

It is unAmerican to eat normal-sized portions of anything. Snort!

Never bet more than you can afford to lose.

I've seen the kid play in person and I wouldn't bet against him.

One flew over the cuckoo's nest.

My son and I had the pleasure of seeing Miller play at Cedar Rapids. The kid made three outstanding defensive plays in the game that just blew us away. Cat-like quickness, great range and a gun for an arm. Like others have mentioned, the kid reminds me of Greg Gagne. No surprise to us that Noah won a Gold Glove.

AM radio - also known as "talk" radio - where crack pots, the uninformed, weak-minded and mentally unstable call in to reveal their ignorance on many subjects before baseball games. Not to be confused with frustrated fans who call in to complain after their team loses due to poor management, cheap owners and/or less than stellar players. FM radio - music to calm the beast without the AM "static".

Earth-shattering! And maybe cats don't have a hind end? And frog heinies aren't water-tight? Could be the end of civilization as we know it... However I have it on good authority that chickens do have lips so maybe there still is some hope for mankind.

An swap of positions between Correa and Lewis is inevitable. The only question is how soon.

I've often wondered where TC takes a dump. It's not like there's a whole lot of woods around the stadium...

I've got a slightly-used Twins game day hot dog I'll let go for peanuts.

Word is that Cuzzi is slated to be the overseer of MLB's computer-generated strike zone when the new rule goes into effect and Wally the Wobbler, a video gamer who holds audience down at Mickey Finn's Rock Bottom Whiskey Emporium over in St. Paul, has been retained by Cuzzi to develop a software patch that will allow Cuzzi to move the strike zone box a few inches either way with the touch of a computer key before the catcher gloves the pitch. Cuzzi's calling the illegal feature his "Twinsinator" and says it'll be a useful tool for making sure the Twins loose in the playoffs; should they get that far. The visually challenged umpire said it takes balls to call strikes that aren't there but being able to move the electronic strike zone to match the call offers some protection. He likened it to wearing a cup, or shatter-proof trifocals.

Judge Wallopner?

I think the FO will need all the help it can get this off-season finding room for all the Kernels that deserve promotions to AA or higher next year.

Wait a minute... there's a loophole?

Instead of slapping "Fragile" on the crates of Twins equipment when the team's on the road the roadies paint it on the plane's fuselage in large Red Cross letters, a visual reminder for air traffic controllers to have wheel chairs and a medical team standing by for de-boarding.

Civility was clinging by its fingernails but still valued and I retired from public education. The two are not connected... well, not closely.