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Dave The Dastardly

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Everything posted by Dave The Dastardly

  1. Dave The Dastardly
    Wait a minute... are you saying Twins fans aren't high? Haven't you been following the TD trade threads?
  2. Dave The Dastardly
    Love the Handle!!
  3. Dave The Dastardly
    50/50
  4. Dave The Dastardly
    Hey, Falvey - I played shortstop when I was a kid and I can read spreadsheets. Hell, I even used to design data bases. I'm a little slower now (physically, though my wife claims it's all in my head) but tell you what... I'll fill that hole at short for, oh, say $5 million and my own bobblehead. But you gotta get me a Rocco Rest Day every other game, you know, so me and Buck can talk baseball on the bench. I bet there's a lot I can learn from him, even if I am in my 70's. You know what they say about old dogs... uh, slipped my mind, but I think it was something about water and drinking... which I also know how to do.
  5. Dave The Dastardly
    Question: Whatever happened to using Kepler as Buxton's centerfield backup? Yeah, he still maybe can't hit but he's better defensively than Celestino isn't he? That would mean leaving Celestino in St. Paul and giving Wallner a shot in right since Buxton will probably miss his usual 80 games or so. Just wondering.
  6. Dave The Dastardly
    Sorry, free beer ain't gonna cut it. We're talking Americans here; TV zombies trained to shop only "sales"; a discounted price. As such they believe 50% off is actually better than "free". So what the Twins have to do is offer two 50% off coupons for every adult ticket sold. If the Twins win, adults get handed another pair of 50% off beer coupons as they walk out of the stadium. This will accomplish three things; eliminate people leaving in the 7th inning to avoid the after-game rush, fill the stadium with all sorts of cheering and encouragement and encourage the ticket holder to come back for another game in order use their "new" coupons. If the Twins loose, instead of more 50% coupons, adults get a Twins Crying Towel, a handkerchief-sized cloth bearing a likeness of a crying Baldelli. The backside will include a list of possible uses for the Crying Towel; blowing your nose, changing automobile oil, wiping up paint spills, wiping other things when hunting in the woods where bears go... all "feel good" activities. Attendance will be off the charts. Guarantee it.
  7. Dave The Dastardly
    It is sometimes advantageous to disavow any knowledge of the Twins... like in the fall of the year when the players are collapsed on the diamond, their own hands wrapped around their throats.
  8. Dave The Dastardly
    Loved the article. Well put. Any relation to Lalla?
  9. Dave The Dastardly
    Greg Gagne wasn't overly exciting, but we still managed to win.
  10. Dave The Dastardly
    What do the Tarot cards say?
  11. Dave The Dastardly
    There's a guy with heavy-framed glasses, a pocket protector, a Mac laptop and a cell phone up in the locker room that put's the question out to 37 different video game buddies and reports their majority vote to Rocco, who then flashes it to the catcher. They got it down to a science... little play on words there. Contextually speaking.
  12. Dave The Dastardly
    I feel a swindle coming on... We got an orthopedic surgeon on stand-by?
  13. Dave The Dastardly
    How desperate we are. We have yet to plumb the depths of Old Man Winter, spring training is but a bright spark on the horizon and yet we yearn for the New Messiah, who also happens to be the Old Messiah, to sign with invisible ink on the dotted line and lead us to the Promised Land, which we haven't seen for 40 years. Pathetic. But then we are Twins fans, accustomed to riding plodding camels with the Three Kings; Disillusionment, Disappointment and Diatribe, leading the way. If only we could find the damn stable! Merry Christmas!
  14. Dave The Dastardly
    So if no other team stays interested in Correa where's his leverage to jack up his salary? That Twins contract Correa just opted out of just might be his best offer. Take it or leave it? With no more opt outs?
  15. Dave The Dastardly
    The Twins have already made one mistake with Hendricks, letting him go, trading for him would be their second.
  16. Dave The Dastardly
    What's all this "trade value" talk? Is this Monopoly or baseball? If we look at Arraez' player value all we need to know is he hits the ball, more than anyone else on the team or in the league. Hits put men on base, hits drive in men on base. No hits, no runs.
  17. Dave The Dastardly
    Ten year deal for hundreds of millions with multiple player opt out options? You call that a "contract"? It's a rental at best.
  18. Dave The Dastardly
    $50 million is on the low end of the MLB going rate for a mediocre career. I bet he'll have to pinch pennies in retirement.
  19. Dave The Dastardly
    Wow! TD sure scrambled the info I tried posting. What's the secret to posting chart-like info?
  20. Dave The Dastardly
    Okay, so the Twins have "Farmed" out shortstop. Unless of course the FO goal is to quickly swap Farmer for two PTBNL, a broken down reliever and a partridge in a pear tree. Anyway, I asked Daddy Warbucks to give us a quick assessment of the financial impact of swapping the two shortstops. Stats (2022) Player Salary WAR HR Ave (Maria?) RibEyes OPS Cost per WAR Cost Per RBI Correa $35 mill 5.4 22 .291 64 .834 $7 million $546,875 Farmer $3 mill 1.0 14 .255 78 .701 $3 million $ 38,461 If you're the Twins accountant (or the Run Creator Coordinator), who's your Daddy?
  21. Dave The Dastardly
    So does the custodians.
  22. Dave The Dastardly
    That World War I smell was a clinger. Heard through the grape vine Paparesta fired locker room swamper Dizz N. Terry because he thought the guy was behind spreading that ‘nightmare diarrhea’. Might've had a hand in it. Just goes to show the little guy always gets it in the shorts...
  23. Dave The Dastardly
    Yep, smart move to clear up the log jam and pick up a decent prospect in return. But I wouldn't hold my breath waiting for Correa to get a return gig with the Twins.
  24. Dave The Dastardly
    God, that photo looks like a pending double-groiner pull! Lord have mercy! Makes me flinch just looking at it. Pulled one myself in my mid-forties. Doc told me it would take 6 months to recover. I protested. Told him professional athletes recover in a third of that time. Doc told me Number One; you're not a professional athlete, Number Two; you're in your forties, you're lucky you still have a groiner to pull, Number Three; you've never stuck with the physical therapy I've prescribed for your past coaching-related injuries so six months would be a gift in your case. Doc was wrong... took me 7 months to fully recover. But a double groiner-pull? Shoot me!
  25. Dave The Dastardly
    I've got a jar full of fake silver coins; you know, US mint quarters, dimes and nickels I'll throw in on the Correa deal since they're no longer accepted as legal tender at Fleet Farm, which is no longer "fleet" (took awhile to get checked out) and they're not much into "farm" either. But they do have a large selection of potato chips and peanuts though. "Plow Through Our Chips" is their new farm motto. Anyway, there was this sign on the checkout counter "Please use your plastic to pay for your items as we don't have any coins to make change." What's the country coming to when its own coinages of the realm are no longer legal tender? I suppose partly because you can't even get a Salted Nut Roll anymore without forking over a $2 bill so what do you do with coins? Put 'em in a sock and carry 'em around like a sap? So I'll up the ante for Correa with my coinage. Maybe Correa can drill out his bats and stuff 'em full of coins. You know, since MLB deflated their baseballs and spindly grandmothers can no longer hit moonshot homeruns. Ought to add a couple of points to his OPS. But if he ain't into jimmying his bat, there's gotta be ten bucks in my coin jar. Enough to get Correa a couple two-three bags of chips at Fleet. He can split the take with Boras. Let the chips fall where they may.
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