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Image courtesy of Flickr/Shinya Suzuki The New York Yankees are mired in a seven-game losing streak. The Minnesota Twins, while not setting the world on fire, are keeping the .500 mark in view and are very much in the Wild Card hunt in a weak American League. Could this weekend’s series see a reversal in the Bronx Bombers’ decades-long chokehold on the rivalry? We asked Twins Territory for their thoughts: Butch Perry, 68, Alexandria “I expect the Twins to lead every game going into the 9th inning and to lose by five runs. I realize this is mathematically impossible. It doesn’t matter.” Lee Torgersen, 55, Willmar “It looks like the Yankees are missing Aaron Judge, Max Fried, Giancarlo Stanton and a number of other big names. I expect them to win by 30 the first two games and eke out an 8-run win on Sunday.” Allison Lemke, 41, Albert Lea “My partner and I are going to Home Depot to buy drywall after work today. We anticipate punching and kicking new holes all weekend long, and we both have Monday off to hang, tape, and mud the new stuff. I really like having these travel days to plan ahead for the sadness and rage.” Greg Zanoth, 35, Burnsville “It defies logic and any kind of analysis that the sins of past Twins squads would be visited on the 2026 team. Both the Twins and Yankees are dealing with injuries, the Yanks are really struggling right now, and you could argue the Twins are handling their misfortune better with a league-leading offense. "Oh, that’s right, you said you wanted a prediction. The Twins are definitely getting their heads caved in. Math hasn’t watched the last 25 years of Twins/Yankees. I have.” Darryl Ewing, 49, Minneapolis “I expect the Twins to steal two out of three games in the Bronx and wake up Monday morning to find they were given a red card by Rob Manfred and the two victories given to New York.” Rick Dunhill, 77, Maplewood “I’m already moving on to being mad at the Vikings for drafting J.J. McCarthy.” Colin Boyd, 20, St. Francis “Remember when Jason Kubel smoked that grand slam off Mariano Rivera to beat the Yankees in Yankee Stadium in 2010? Jim Thome was grinning like an idiot in the dugout, Gardy was hopping up and down? Remember that? Yeah, I don’t, I was 4. Everything is bad and I hate it. Yankees by a million and everyone who isn’t hurt gets hurt in a subway accident." View full article

Image courtesy of Rick Osentoski-USA TODAY Sports Jake Cave, the cave for Jakes, announced Thursday that it had been acquired by Silvestri & Bolin Holdings, and would now be known as Jacob Cave. "We've always been a cave for Jakes, and we'll never stop being that," said spokesperson Danyel Greer. "This new chapter will allow us to expand our reach and accept Jacobs as well. It's a brand-new day at Jacob Cave, the cave for Jakes and, for the first time, Jacobs." Located in the rolling Tennessee countryside near Chattanooga, the former Jake Cave is fed by natural spring water. It has provided a home for wayward and troubled Jakes since its discovery in the late 1800s. The rebranded Cave is best known to Twins fans for sharing a name with former Minnesota outfielder Jake Cave, who has been sent there multiple times, much to his chagrin. "Here at Jacob Cave, we provide Jakes and Jacobs in need with the skills, tutoring, and guidance they need to succeed in the modern world," said Greer. "It can be anything from trade skills to English as a second language to calisthenics. Jakes and Jacobs on the margins can re-enter society fully equipped to make their mark on the world." Greer would not comment on the fate of Mecha Jake, the cave's AI robot that has led to a number of lawsuits against the cave and likely led to its sale for below market value to Silvestri & Bolin. "We can't comment on an ongoing criminal investigation," said Greer. "Our hearts are with everyone at the kitten and puppy shelter as they sift through the rubble." Meanwhile, Jake Cave the player is currently on the roster of El Aguila de Veracruz in the Mexican League. Through his agent, Cave said, "I'm never going back there. You hear me? I'm never going back." When asked if Jacob Cave would accept Jakobs with a "k," Greer was resolute. "Jakobs with a 'k" aren't OK," said Greer. "That remains a bedrock company policy. They can get their own damn cave. Laggards and jackanapes, the lot of them. "They can go to hell." View full article

Image courtesy of ©Bob DeChiara-Imagn Images The Minnesota Twins' endless bargain-bin shopping has resulted in precious few finds, but it feels safe to say that acquiring Kody Clemens for cash in April 2025 was an unqualified success. Clemens has played close to every position on the field, hit for unexpected power, and is a clubhouse favorite. Has the thriving journeyman taught the Twins any lessons about scouring for talent on a budget? Maybe it's in the genes. On Thursday, the team announced it was signing Trent Hrbek and Chad Radke, sons of Twins greats Kent Hrbek and Brad Radke, to minor-league deals. Both players will report to Single-A Fort Myers this weekend. "The naysayers will call it nepotism," said a front office source. "We call it building a contender. Part of that is finding talent where others aren't looking." Those naysayers aren't just calling it that, but they're also concerned that the players aren't as they seem. "Neither Hrbek nor Radke have children with those names," said Aaron Gleeman of AaronGleeman.com, a local website for (baseball) perverts. "No photos or stats exist of either player. Also, my friend Dana (Wessel, notorious sicko shock jock at 93X) said he bought a couple fake mustaches at the party store for his quote 'baseball project' unquote. It's obviously one of his dumb bits." Wessel was unavailable for comment. "It's hard for small-market teams like the Twins to compete with the Dodgers and Yankees of the world," said the front office source. "So when someone cold-calls us and says that he's Trent Hrbek, starts laughing, clears his throat, then says that he and his buddy Chad Radke want to help us hit dingers, throw shutouts, and crush beers with the boys just like their dads used to, we'd be foolish not to follow up. "We also have a voicemail from Todd Carew and are performing due diligence." The Twins begin a 3-game series in Arizona versus the Diamondbacks this evening. View full article

Image courtesy of Wikimedia Commons Twins fans—and even some in independent sports media—are advocating for the call-up of shortstop Kaelen Culpepper, the team's top draft pick from 2024. With Culpepper sizzling-hot for the Triple-A St. Paul Saints and Minnesota in desperate need of even replacement-level play at the position, it seems that his time is coming sooner, rather than later. And with that, your Dad is gearing up to ask you something. "Hey, is that new kid any relation to Daunte?" he plans to ask this weekend or next. The Daunte in question is former Vikings quarterback Daunte Culpepper, whose well-worn jersey your Dad still occasionally dons on football Sundays. "Remember when Daunte would just fling it up to Moss for a touchdown and get his roll on," he will ask with a faraway look in his eyes, a grin growing on his face. "Sure was somethin'. Good times. Really thought they'd get us a ring." There is no evidence that Kaelen (born and raised in Memphis) and Daunte (native of Ocala, Florida) are even distant cousins, much less close relatives. Your Dad will be undeterred by this. "I hope he doesn't have small hands like Daunte, don't want him bobbling any grounders," your Dad will observe, repeating the old canard about the quarterback's hand size leading to turnovers. You will be torn on whether to observe that Culpepper wasn't statistically more fumble-prone than other starting quarterbacks of his era or that, again, Daunte is not related to Kaelen. By the time you decide, your Dad will have already moved on to how they don't make shows like Band of Brothers anymore. In a vacuum, this would be fine, but it will come in the wake of your Dad finally identifying Orlando Arcia as a current Twin, rather than his brother, former Twin Oswaldo Arcia, during Tuesday's game versus Detroit. "One step forward, two steps back," you will mutter. It's going to be a long summer. Daunte was a two-sport star in high school and was drafted by the Yankees in 1995. You desperately hope Dad has forgotten that nugget for good. View full article

Image courtesy of Lygonstreet/Wikimedia Commons Although it's only the one-third mark of the 2026 season, it seems fair to argue that Joe Ryan is the most valuable pitcher in the Twins rotation. And while any All-Star or postseason recognition will have to wait, Ryan can hang his hat on at least one honor: He looks like he listens to Geese. The American Society of Cool Dads announced Thursday that Ryan is the inaugural recipient of their Professional Athlete Most Likely to Listen to Geese honor. "Through Ryan's choice of entrance music and general look and demeanor, we felt it was a no-brainer that he'd really be into the angular, post-punk guitars and wailing vocals of Geese," said Simon Descartes, a spokesperson for the ASCD. Geese are a four-piece rock band from New York City. Their most recent album, Getting Killed, was one of the most acclaimed records of 2025. There are at least three ongoing backlashes to their success, and two counter-backlashes as well. "You look at Joe and you see a guy who takes his recumbent bike to the farmer's market," said Descartes. "This man clearly has a favorite panel member on (NPR's) Wait, Wait...Don't Tell Me. It's frankly a little surprising that he's a professional athlete. He should host a podcast about cryptids." The honor, which comes with a commemorative plaque, a pack of American Spirit cigarettes, a sixer of non-alcoholic IPAs, a thrifted pair of Wranglers, and a Wilco t-shirt that has seen better days, will be bestowed on Sunday evening at one of those bars that's a fake speakeasy and every drink costs 19 dollars. The bartender's name is Thadwick. "We can't be 100% sure that Ryan knows who Geese is, but he uses 'Long Cool Woman' by the Hollies when he takes the mound," said Descartes, who was making his own switchel while doing this interview. "Using a Creedence Clearwater Revival song would have been too mainstream for our liking, but he used a song that sounds exactly like them but isn't them. That's commitment to a certain kind of lifestyle; one we're pleased to recognize." Ryan, who has a 4-3 record with a 3.20 ERA, is slated to pitch Saturday against the Kansas City Royals. Geese will be playing the Minnesota Yacht Club Festival on Saturday, July 18th. View full article

Image courtesy of Flickr/MFHarris The Chicago White Sox are no longer godless. That's the only conclusion one can draw through one-third of the MLB season. And as hard as it is for adults to reckon with, imagine what your children are going through. In a fluid, volatile world, they've grown up with vanishingly few constants. One of them is that the White Sox are pure garbage with a fanbase of absentee landlords, pregnant chain smokers, and knaves. And while their core supporters of recidivist wheelchair thieves remains the same, the South Siders are...kind of fun to watch? And would be in the playoffs if the season ended today? It's enough to make anyone question the foundations of their belief systems, much less impressionable children. In such a fraught time, Twins Daily editors have crafted some responses for parents, guardians, and cool uncles to use when discussing the White Sox with impressionable youths. Q: Why aren't they bad anymore? I thought they'd always be bad. A: First, you have to understand that the American League is down this year. The Twins would also be in the playoffs if the season ended today. You've heard me complaining about them for months. That said, they're playing .500 baseball, which is amazing for them. There are decades when nothing happens and weeks where decades happen. This might be an example of that. Q: I know they're an awful franchise beloved by swindlers and men with secret second families. But I really enjoy watching Munetaka Murakami hit. Is that OK? A: It is. This isn't like when the Yankees were good and you had to pretend Derek Jeter was better than A-Rod. He's legitimately fun to watch! Think of it like watching a bad movie with a good actor in it. The script is undercooked but look, there's Cate Blanchett. She's awesome. I bet she bought a pool with this paycheck. Q: Will they continue being watchable going forward? A: It's a long season! As a Twins fan, you've seen how teams can fall off a cliff in August and September. The same could happen to the White Sox! But you need to prepare yourself for them hovering around .500 and wild card contention this summer. The tornado probably won't hit your house directly, but if the siren goes off, you should still go to the basement. You just never know. Q: If a White Sox fan approaches me, what should I do? A: That hasn't changed. Do not give them your social security number, no matter how often they ask, which will be often. Image license here. View full article

Image courtesy of © Brad Rempel-USA TODAY Sports Simeon Woods Richardson's struggles have been well documented here and elsewhere. His ineffectiveness has only been magnified by the tidal wave of injuries impacting the rest of the starting rotation. While his move to the bullpen last week was the first step in rebuilding him into the effective pitcher he was in 2024 and 2025, there are other plans in motion as well. "Simeon used to pitch good," said a member of the coaching staff who asked to remain anonymous. "In April and May, he pitched bad. That's why we're implementing the 'Stop Pitching Bad' program for him." While specifics on the program are nebulous, sources were able to give Twins Daily the general framework. "What this program does is say, 'Simeon, stop pitching bad. Pitch good instead,'" said the staff member. "'The pitches you've been throwing have been bad. The next time you're on the mound, make good ones. Not bad ones. They hit the bad ones really hard and far.'" Other sources confirmed these points of emphasis. "What this program aims to accomplish is making bad things good," said a front office source. "Stop doing bad things. Start doing good things. The good things make you happy. The bad things make you sad and are also very loud and startling." "The Stop Pitching Bad protocol is designed to make the bad pitches stop," said a source in the team's analytics department. "We dig into what's causing (Woods Richardson)'s problems. Through rigorous statistical analysis and hours of film study, we've determined that bad pitches are the primary driver for his rough start. If we replace those bad pitches with good pitches, it flips the whole thing for him and the rotation." Woods Richardson's most recent appearance was one inning of relief during Monday's 6-3 victory over Houston. Sources say they were happy with the early returns. "He allowed a hit and a walk, but there were less bad pitches than there had been," said the front office source. "One of the best ways to Stop Bad Pitches is to throw fewer of them. One inning instead of five is a remarkably effective way of getting immediate results, and you saw the impact on Monday." View full article

Image courtesy of © Bruce Kluckhohn-Imagn Images Samuel Lewiston "Sloot" Von Hansen has been a baseball fan and a math geek his whole life. When he discovered the world of sabermetrics, it intensified both interests and opened up a post-collegiate career in the world of baseball statistics. He was getting paid to do what he loved, and there was no looking back. His opinion on sabermetrics in May 2026? "Meaningless. A dog's breakfast. Mere darts at a board," he said. "A handful of dust blown by an idiot wind." The cause of Von Hansen's loss of faith? Twins starter Bailey Ober. "How can you explain what he's doing," cried the married father of two. "You cannot. The math does not math. He strikes nobody out. His fastball never hits 90. His changeup isn't even a changeup, it's just 5 mph slower than his fastball, which, as I have already said and will say again, isn't fast." The final straw for Von Hansen was Ober's Tuesday night outing, a masterful "Maddux" (a complete game shutout with less than 100 pitches thrown, named after Hall of Famer Greg Maddux) versus the Miami Marlins. "The Minnesota Twins defense, outside of Byron Buxton, has never met a ball in play that they didn't want to turn into a meal," shouted a red-faced Von Hansen, growing louder by the second. "All Ober does is put balls in play because he can't strike anyone out. Is no one else watching this happen? How can we abide this? Agahghaehage [sic]!" Von Hansen said he tried to calculate the probability of Ober's Tuesday stat line on his laptop after the game, using Ober's velo, BABIP, and team defense metrics. The result, he said, broke him irreparably. "The machine wouldn't provide an answer," said Von Hansen. "Instead, it made a sound akin to a wave hitting a pier. The screen went to blue and the air smelled of ozone. A message appeared. It read: ALL THESE WORLDS ARE YOURS EXCEPT EUROPA ATTEMPT NO LANDING THERE USE THEM TOGETHER USE THEM IN PEACE "Then it melted." Von Hansen said he has abandoned sabermetrics, math, baseball, reason itself, and his family. "I flew to Belgium last night and am driving to a remote monastery as I speak. I have renounced all my worldly possessions. I will sleep on the ground and help them make bread and vinegar. Nothing matters, you see? Do you see?" Von Hansen broke down in tears and said he was throwing his phone out the window into a nearby pond. The line went dead. Ober sits at 4-2 for the season with a 3.46 ERA. His next start is slated to be against Milwaukee this Sunday. View full article