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Image courtesy of Summit Entertainment Hoping to build on both the goodwill generated by and fan response to this year’s Field of Dreams game, MLB announced that Saturday’s Twins/Phillies game would be played in Forks, Washington, home of the vampire baseball scene in the 2008 film Twilight. “Field of Dreams is a generational touchstone for so many baseball fans,” said MLB commissioner Rob Manfred. “And the same can be said for the story of Bella and her immortal vampire lover Edward in Twilight. The fact that a game of baseball is foundational to her acceptance into Edward’s family of fellow sparkly vampires makes this an ideal sequel to our game in Dyersville.” The game was originally slated to be played at Target Field. Anyone with tickets to the game will have them honored if they make the trek to the remote Washington town. “We understand it’s a bit of a haul from the Twin Cities to Forks,” said a source in the Commissioner’s office. “And there obviously aren’t any direct flights. What we’re hoping is that people will hop in the minivan for a fun weekend road trip with the family to share the beauty of baseball. I don’t really drive. Gas is still cheap, right?” When told that it’s actually quite expensive at this time and that there might be some age gap discourse given that Bella is 18 while Edward is 108, the source pointed out the window and said there was a beautiful baby bird. No such bird was observed, and when this reporter turned back around, the source was gone. Team sources say the Twins and Phillies will be wearing old-timey uniforms like the vampires do in the Twilight scene. The players will be allowed to add as much sparkly glitter to their skin as they are comfortable with. While many MLB greats replicate the Field of Dreams scene where legends enter the diamond from the adjacent corn field, It’s not known how they would be utilized in a Twilight-themed game. At least one Hall of Famer is skeptical. “Vampires are pretty scary,” said Twins great Joe Mauer. “And if they’re sparkly? No way, Jose. Real rough stuff.” View full article

Image courtesy of Flickr/jpellgen For decades, there's been a vocal faction of Twins fans furious with the Pohlad family for not spending money on the team they own. It's waxed and waned over the years, with the payroll slashing of the last two seasons causing a spike in disgust. Now, with new Pohlad-in-charge Tom adding salary and making moves to better the squad, even dyed-in-the-wool Pohlad haters are tipping their caps. With this in mind, Twins Daily reached out to Jack Nyquist, the local man who claims to have invented the "Cheap Pohlads" talking point in the mid-'90s. And while he's still skeptical, it's clear that he's working to adjust to the new reality. "OK, so they're well under their payroll number from last season, and way under the one from the last playoff run," said Nyquist, dejectedly. "But even I can't get mad about it. They're actually trying. I can't believe I've gotta hand it to them. It's a real bummer." Nyquist, who bought 11 seats in the upper deck recently so he and his friends could wear T-shirts that spelled S-E-L-L-T-H-E-T-E-A-M when they all sat together, said he's been getting calls, texts, and email from his fellow haters about potential next steps. "Nobody knows what to do right now," said Nyquist, rubbing both index fingers against his temples. "They're doing the one thing cheap Pohlads don't do, and that's be not cheap. I just wish they'd given us some warning." Although Tom Pohlad has been vocal since spring training about his desire to help the team be competitive this year, Nyquist said he had no way of knowing he actually meant it. "Lucy told Charlie Brown he could kick the football so many times, man," said Nyquist. "He never got to kick it. The Pohlads spent money before he got to kick the football. Think about that. The world is upside down and I don't know what to do about it." When asked if the recent losing streak and the nebulous status of Joe Ryan and Byron Buxton might cause the Twins to regret their relative largesse at the trade deadline, not even Nyquist could reach for the anger he once so easily accessed. "Man, they've got (new reliever Jeff) Hoffman and (new starter Dean) Kremer for 2027, too," said the longtime Roseville resident. "They clearly plan to be competitive next year, too. I don't even know, man. Should I transition to being a 'Buxton won't play hurt' guy? I never thought I'd need to get a new bit. This stinks." Image license here. View full article

Image courtesy of Unsplash/Alexander Shatov As Twins Territory waits to see how the team approaches potential bullpen and rotation upgrades before Monday’s trade deadline, your dad once again was fooled by a fake MLB insider social media account. In a series of texts from Thursday afternoon, your dad made it clear he’d once again been tricked by a Twitter account pretending to be ESPN baseball analyst Jeff Passan. “tHAT [sic] ESPN goof with the big ears said Twins got Otani [sic],” read the first text. As you were busy at work, you didn’t respond immediately. Ten minutes later, a second text came in saying, “He said it was for Bukton [sic] straight up, you hearing this?” A brief check of social media and ESPN confirmed that no such deal was in the works, but a quick search of Twitter showed that an account called @jeffpa22an with 37 followers had posted the fake trade rumor on Thursday morning. You texted that this was a fake social media account, and further explained the move made no sense on account of Ohtani’s salary, Buxton’s injury, and a host of other reasons. “Are you sure? I saw it on my phone, and that passant [sic] is pretty reliable,” read your dad’s response. As you sighed loud enough for your co-worker Ashley to look over her cubicle wall to make sure you were OK, you repeated that it was a fake Jeff Passan account, similar to the fake Adam Schefter account that fooled your dad into thinking the Vikings were playing their home games in the Fargodome this year because of structural flaws at US Bank Stadium. “OK,” read your dad’s response. “I guess the cheap Pohlands [sic] wouldn’t of made that deal anyways. LOL.” You set your phone down, went back to work, and remembered that time your mom gave the phone scammer her social security and checking account routing numbers. Image license here. View full article

Image courtesy of Unsplash/Devin Topkin Last Friday, I wrote that Twins fans should embrace their unlikely playoff contention status. Discard the default Minnesota fatalism, don't let stingy ownership spoil the fun, and just enjoy the prospect of competitive baseball for as long as it lasts. So, about that. As the Twins kept getting their brains beat in by the Cubs and then the Guardians, and those playoff odds kept diminishing loss by ugly loss, I tried to maintain some faith. Which is real hard to do when your All-Star starter gives up a gazillion homers in one game to a team that never hits home runs. Wednesday's blowout helped a bit. "You know, if you take out that losing streak where they were outscored 34-9, things don't look that bad," I said to an empty room. Then they got Gavin Williams'ed on Thursday afternoon. As I prepared to write my apology for being a dumb idiot whose mother dresses him funny, however, these goofballs clawed their way to an improbable 3-1 win in 12 excruciating innings. I exhaled, shook my head, and walked around the block. Basically, if you decided to do the tired "same old Twins, same old Minnesota sports" routine, you would still look pretty smart right now (see above, 34-9). That 4-game losing streak made a strong case for parting ways with some veterans and adding some prospects to a promising young core. They looked nothing like the team that had been respectable for a month-plus, which in the American League makes you look like the '27 Yankees this season. But they stole a split on the road against Cleveland. They have some truly dreadful teams coming to Target Field, in the Athletics and Royals. If you choose to maintain some optimism, I will join you. 4-2 feels like the bare minimum for a 6-game homestand. Is it likely? Who knows! But I've got nothing better to do than see what happens. It's too hot to start worrying about the Vikings, anyway. In summation, I still believe because it's more fun that way. Image license here. View full article

Image courtesy of Unsplash The facts are the facts. The Minnesota Twins are a legitimate playoff contender. It's weird to read those words about this team. I'm uncomfortable writing them. I'm aware of the flaws. I'm aware the American League is a dumpy little college bar--everyone agrees it sucks and the bathrooms don't work, but the specials are amazing for those who can't afford anything better. (For the purposes of this metaphor, the specials are the Wild Card spots.) This might give you pause. Indeed, it's easy to lapse into Minnesota sports fatalism. It's our reflex position, our muscle memory. They're NOT EVEN .500. In 16 games, they could go 4-12, and Joe Ryan could be a Dodger. Or they could go 10-6, and the Pohlads might say "Uh, we just don't have the money, guys. Sorry about that. We just traded Josh Bell for a Toyota." They're both possible outcomes! But I'm not going to do that. Nor should you. That feeling you're feeling—that I'm feeling, too—is optimism. There is a non-zero chance that this team could make the playoffs. They might even win the division, because if the AL is a dumpy college bar, the AL Central is a dumpy college bar with a kitchen that makes you sick every time you order something that isn't tater tots. And it's in Cleveland, even though you went to school in Moorhead. It's such an unlikely place to land after last year's trade deadline slaughter and the slumbering offseason. None of this should be happening. One of their most critical players is a nepo baby journeyman! You're caught off-guard and don't really know what to do with your hands. Here's what I recommend: Hug this feeling tight to your chest, because you deserve this. You're still following this team, despite ownership not loving it nearly as much as you do. Know going into the next 2-3 weeks that they could break your heart one more time. Accept that, even in the best-case scenario, they'll probably get wiped out in a short, ugly playoff series. But they might not. Think about how wild that is, after all the nonsense you put up with. That's optimism. It doesn't last. It never does. Why not ****ing enjoy it? View full article

Image courtesy of Unsplash/Firmbee.com In a normal season, a team bumping along just under the .500 mark at the All-Star break would not be considered a playoff contender. In fact, they'd be one bad week away from parting with pricy veterans before the August 3 trade deadline. Alas, 2026 isn't normal, and the Minnesota Twins are learning this the hard way. "When we said we expected this team to be competitive and that we'd give them the resources to do so, we sort of didn't think through what would happen if they actually were," said a front office source. "Even in the unlikely event they were around .500, we figured Detroit or Cleveland would be running away with the thing. They're pure diarrhea, as is the American League. Basically, we are screwed." Multiple sources tell Twins Daily that the team is scrambling to adjust to the undeniable reality that they're playoff contenders on both the divisional and Wild Card fronts. The expectations that come with this situation are weighing heavily on team leadership. "I saw Tom Pohlad Googling 'how to buy at trade deadline' on his laptop after we beat Cleveland on Wednesday night," said a person with knowledge of the team's decision-making process. "We're all high-fiving and cheers-ing each other, and he's there grimacing like he's trying to solve the Sunday crossword." "It appears that every option for adding a player involves paying some or even all of their salary," said the front office source. "It's a real buzzkill. Seems like the league should offer some relief if the team is trying their best while the rest of the league is stepping on every rake in the yard." On the other hand, a Pohlad family source confirmed they have no issues parting with prospects to add a player. "A prospect is someone who just costs more money later on. Such a weird baseball phenomenon. Physical assets are supposed to depreciate, like every [REDACTED] office building in our [REDACTED] portfolio has." The source was unable to confirm reports that the Twins are hoping to pay for any acquisitions with mixed-use retail and commercial real estate holdings instead of cash. "Can't comment on that, but God that would be so cool. Please buy our buildings. Please." Image license here. View full article

Image courtesy of Flickr/Shinya Suzuki The New York Yankees are mired in a seven-game losing streak. The Minnesota Twins, while not setting the world on fire, are keeping the .500 mark in view and are very much in the Wild Card hunt in a weak American League. Could this weekend’s series see a reversal in the Bronx Bombers’ decades-long chokehold on the rivalry? We asked Twins Territory for their thoughts: Butch Perry, 68, Alexandria “I expect the Twins to lead every game going into the 9th inning and to lose by five runs. I realize this is mathematically impossible. It doesn’t matter.” Lee Torgersen, 55, Willmar “It looks like the Yankees are missing Aaron Judge, Max Fried, Giancarlo Stanton and a number of other big names. I expect them to win by 30 the first two games and eke out an 8-run win on Sunday.” Allison Lemke, 41, Albert Lea “My partner and I are going to Home Depot to buy drywall after work today. We anticipate punching and kicking new holes all weekend long, and we both have Monday off to hang, tape, and mud the new stuff. I really like having these travel days to plan ahead for the sadness and rage.” Greg Zanoth, 35, Burnsville “It defies logic and any kind of analysis that the sins of past Twins squads would be visited on the 2026 team. Both the Twins and Yankees are dealing with injuries, the Yanks are really struggling right now, and you could argue the Twins are handling their misfortune better with a league-leading offense. "Oh, that’s right, you said you wanted a prediction. The Twins are definitely getting their heads caved in. Math hasn’t watched the last 25 years of Twins/Yankees. I have.” Darryl Ewing, 49, Minneapolis “I expect the Twins to steal two out of three games in the Bronx and wake up Monday morning to find they were given a red card by Rob Manfred and the two victories given to New York.” Rick Dunhill, 77, Maplewood “I’m already moving on to being mad at the Vikings for drafting J.J. McCarthy.” Colin Boyd, 20, St. Francis “Remember when Jason Kubel smoked that grand slam off Mariano Rivera to beat the Yankees in Yankee Stadium in 2010? Jim Thome was grinning like an idiot in the dugout, Gardy was hopping up and down? Remember that? Yeah, I don’t, I was 4. Everything is bad and I hate it. Yankees by a million and everyone who isn’t hurt gets hurt in a subway accident." View full article

Image courtesy of Rick Osentoski-USA TODAY Sports Jake Cave, the cave for Jakes, announced Thursday that it had been acquired by Silvestri & Bolin Holdings, and would now be known as Jacob Cave. "We've always been a cave for Jakes, and we'll never stop being that," said spokesperson Danyel Greer. "This new chapter will allow us to expand our reach and accept Jacobs as well. It's a brand-new day at Jacob Cave, the cave for Jakes and, for the first time, Jacobs." Located in the rolling Tennessee countryside near Chattanooga, the former Jake Cave is fed by natural spring water. It has provided a home for wayward and troubled Jakes since its discovery in the late 1800s. The rebranded Cave is best known to Twins fans for sharing a name with former Minnesota outfielder Jake Cave, who has been sent there multiple times, much to his chagrin. "Here at Jacob Cave, we provide Jakes and Jacobs in need with the skills, tutoring, and guidance they need to succeed in the modern world," said Greer. "It can be anything from trade skills to English as a second language to calisthenics. Jakes and Jacobs on the margins can re-enter society fully equipped to make their mark on the world." Greer would not comment on the fate of Mecha Jake, the cave's AI robot that has led to a number of lawsuits against the cave and likely led to its sale for below market value to Silvestri & Bolin. "We can't comment on an ongoing criminal investigation," said Greer. "Our hearts are with everyone at the kitten and puppy shelter as they sift through the rubble." Meanwhile, Jake Cave the player is currently on the roster of El Aguila de Veracruz in the Mexican League. Through his agent, Cave said, "I'm never going back there. You hear me? I'm never going back." When asked if Jacob Cave would accept Jakobs with a "k," Greer was resolute. "Jakobs with a 'k" aren't OK," said Greer. "That remains a bedrock company policy. They can get their own damn cave. Laggards and jackanapes, the lot of them. "They can go to hell." View full article