Are You Angry Enough About Joe Mauer’s HOF Candidacy? Take the Twins Daily Quiz!

[RandBalls Stu]

Lots of writers and other dweebs are claiming that the former Twins catcher is on the fast track to Cooperstown. Here’s how to know if you’re steamed enough about this.

What is your highest level of athletic accomplishment?

1. Played some college
2. Lettered in high school
3. Kicked off JV football team for what are now called “hate crimes”

What is your major complaint about Joe Mauer’s career?

1. Didn’t live up to his contract.
2. Should have hit for more power and apologized after every single.
3. Faked all his injuries to spend more time empowering our nation’s enemies and those who would do us harm.

How have you expressed your displeasure with Mauer’s candidacy?

1. Frequent internet comments.
2. Handwritten letter to local newspaper.
3. Unsuccessful attempt to burn down Cretin-Derham Hall High School.

Are you married?

1. Yes.
2. No. Sheila took everything.
3. No, Obama made straight marriage illegal, as I discuss on my podcast.

Who is your all-time favorite Twin?

1. Kirby Puckett
2. Jack Morris
3. Jack Morris, unless Curt Schilling or Ty Cobb played for them and I forgot.

How scared of going to Minneapolis are you?

1. Not really.
2. Only go when Kenny Chesney is there, head on a swivel always.
3. Wear tactical Dockers when driving Super Duty from Albertville to Maple Grove.

What is the best way to treat a concussion?

1. Rest and time.
2. Play through it. See ball, hit ball.
3. When I was growing up, we didn’t have concussions and you could smoke on airplanes. You could even smack the stewardess on the tush a little bit. Now they won’t even let me back at the Chili’s by my house, because of wokeness.

What’s wrong with the kids these days?

1. Too much screen time.
2. Lack of consequences for bad behavior.
3. We need to bring back child labor.

Who is your favorite local columnist?

1. Patrick Reusse
2. Joe Soucheray
3. There was a guy who wrote into the Pioneer Press to say the wrong side lost World War II and he made some compelling points.

How many times have you been kicked out of a sporting event?

1. Never
2. Once at a town ball game for lighting up the ump.
3. Do you mean this week, or

ANSWER KEY: If you responded “3” to any of these, the government is on its way. It’s too late. It’s always been too late. Hail Hydra.

Image license here.

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[Ex-Iowegian]

I propose we do away with the “Satire definition” banner. 
it would lead to better humor in the commentary.

[Reptevia]

12 minutes ago, Ex-Iowegian said:

I propose we do away with the “Satire definition” banner. 
it would lead to better humor in the commentary.

Agreed. 

[Cory Engelhardt]

31 minutes ago, Ex-Iowegian said:

I propose we do away with the “Satire definition” banner. 
it would lead to better humor in the commentary.

3rd'd :)

[DJL44]

Correct - people who are angry about Joe Mauer are just angry people.

[Matthew Lenz]

1 hour ago, Ex-Iowegian said:

I propose we do away with the “Satire definition” banner. 
it would lead to better humor in the commentary.

I think we need to do away with Sheila.

[TopGunn#22]

I wish I could get the time back that it took to read this.  

[ashbury]

This article failed to stake out a clear position, for or against, on Mauer's candidacy.

[Hubie29]

26 minutes ago, TopGunn#22 said:

I wish I could get the time back that it took to read this.  

I would rather read this than a serious article about whether someone should go into the hall of fame or not.  Hall of Fame voting and induction never did anything for me. Best part is when they blubber while giving their speech.  That is if I am bored enough to even watch it. 

[BobAzar]

Clarifying question: what if my (alleged) attempt to burn down CDH had nothing to do with Mauer? 

[MMMordabito]

Who is your all-time favorite Twin?

1. Kirby Puckett
2. Jack Morris
3. Jack Morris, unless Curt Schilling or Ty Cobb played for them and I forgot.

... [Hides custom 1937 Ben Chapman Washington Senators jersey that he paid $599 to have made after watching "42"]

[ashbury]

3 hours ago, TopGunn#22 said:

I wish I could get the time back that it took to read this.  

How many seconds did it take you to read "Lots of writers and other dweebs"?  Any time invested beyond that point is on you. 

[DocBauer]

LMAO! One of the best!

And it ends with "hail Hydra!" to boot.

Priceless!

[Dave The Dastardly]

Anybody know Sheila's phone number?

[Brandon]

6 minutes ago, Dave The Dastardly said:

Anybody know Sheila's phone number?

I think she is now Jenny’s roommate.  So just call Jenny at 867-5309.

[JesusisLord7]

I have two gripes about Mauer.

#1) He did not maximize his talent. He should have been working with strength trainers to develop his power. He was the King of Warning Track Fly Balls. 

#2) I don't think he ever won even one playoff game. Yes on Kirby Puckett for HOF but no on Joe Mauer. 

The only reason you would let him in the HOF is because he was a catcher and he stood out at that position. But points 1 and 2 and very valid. 

[rwilfong86]

With the lack of moves to this point, Mauer's HOF candidacy has been one of the more intriguing things about this Twins offseason. 

[D.C Twins]

This was brilliant. Kudos to you Sir!

[big dog]

"tactical Dockers" is absolutely priceless.

[gil4]

On 12/15/2023 at 10:05 AM, ashbury said:

This article failed to stake out a clear position, for or against, on Mauer's candidacy.

You don't sound angry enough about that.   

[ashbury]

2 hours ago, gil4 said:

You don't sound angry enough about that.   

[AlwaysinModeration]

On 12/15/2023 at 3:49 PM, JesusisLord7 said:

I have two gripes about Mauer.

#1) He did not maximize his talent. He should have been working with strength trainers to develop his power. He was the King of Warning Track Fly Balls. 

#2) I don't think he ever won even one playoff game. Yes on Kirby Puckett for HOF but no on Joe Mauer. 

The only reason you would let him in the HOF is because he was a catcher and he stood out at that position. But points 1 and 2 and very valid. 

I’m not sure where exactly to start here

[Scott51104]

My total score was 23

[D. Hocking]

On 12/15/2023 at 2:05 PM, Brandon said:

I think she is now Jenny’s roommate.  So just call Jenny at 867-5309.

No good - despite being asked nicely, she changed it.

[looking at those lyrics 35 years later....]

[sampleSizeOfOne]

On 12/15/2023 at 11:05 AM, ashbury said:

This article failed to stake out a clear position, for or against, on Mauer's candidacy.

Also failed to stake out a vampire for or against Mauer's candidacy...

[sampleSizeOfOne]

On 12/15/2023 at 8:51 AM, Ex-Iowegian said:

I propose we do away with the “Satire definition” banner. 
it would lead to better humor in the commentary.

There is but one Banner.

 

I think he is Bruce.

[Ex-Iowegian]

9 hours ago, sampleSizeOfOne said:

There is but one Banner.

 

I think he is Bruce.

Don’t make him angry…