Slovenly Oaf Thinks Buxton Should Play Through Pain

[RandBalls Stu]

"It's just a matter of grinding it out," said the lifelong Twins fan, who apparently is just going to wear that bathrobe all day.

 

As the Minnesota Twins closely monitor the condition of Byron Buxton’s knee, at least one fan thinks the whole situation has gone too far.

“There’s a difference between hurt and injured, and sometimes you have to play hurt,” said Charlie Johnsrud, 54, a real slob. “I think the Twins know this, but they’re coddling him a little bit.”

The Bloomington-based call center manager, who has called in sick to work because of a hangover twice in the last three months, claims it’s unusual for a team’s superstar to take so many days off.

“I just think, given the financial commitment the team made to him, that he has to put his big boy pants on,” said the twice-divorced goon, who has a pair of sweatpants he calls “my going-out ones.”

Johnsrud, who would drink the dipping sauce from Raising Cane’s out of a pint glass if people would just be cool about it, thinks Buxton’s patellar tendinitis is as mental as it is physical.

“He’s had a ton of injuries in his career, so he’s probably paranoid,” said Johnsrud, whose unused Lifetime Fitness membership is entering its fourth year. “He needs to get out of his head and onto the field, just saying.”

With the team out of first place for the first time in months, he thinks the urgency of the moment demands action.

“When I threw out my back, I still had to go to work,” said Johnsrud, who actually took two weeks off to recuperate after his cat scared him while he was on the toilet. “Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. They need all hands on deck.”

Johnsrud, who attacks a Culver’s ButterBurger with a ferocity not usually seen outside the animal kingdom, still considers himself a Buxton fan.

“I love the guy, I even bought a Buxton jersey last year. When he’s healthy he’s a beast.”

Johnsrud could not confirm if the significant stain on the jersey was ketchup or spaghetti sauce, but agreed that it looks like Germany.

 

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[TwinsDr2021]

This seems like a blatant shot at overweight people, didn't think this was allowed in 2022?

[RickOShea]

23 minutes ago, TwinsDr2021 said:

This seems like a blatant shot at overweight people, didn't think this was allowed in 2022?

Spaghetti sauce shaming?

[dxpavelka]

Surprised he found a Buxton jersey that fit.

[Mark G]

If there is a difference between being hurt and being injured, does that mean injuries don't hurt?  

[TwinsDr2021]

36 minutes ago, RickOShea said:

Spaghetti sauce shaming?

Similar to the article it wasn't my best attempt at humor. ?‍♂️

[rv78]

When he is playing, running the bases or chasing a fly ball he doesn't appear to be in pain. No grimacing, no limping. Yes, he is being coddled, however if he isn't going to be productive he should just go on the IL and heal. Since the All-Star break he has been a liability, not an asset.

[old nurse]

52 minutes ago, TwinsDr2021 said:

This seems like a blatant shot at overweight people, didn't think this was allowed in 2022?

 I can not, see anywhere that this is a blatant shot at overweight people

[Dave The Dastardly]

1 minute ago, old nurse said:

 I can not, see anywhere that this is a blatant shot at overweight people

It was a heavy message.

[MABB1959]

24 minutes ago, old nurse said:

 I can not, see anywhere that this is a blatant shot at overweight people

Could just be trying to be funny but I didn't take any offense to it.  Just trying to add a little humor during this time of extreme frustration with the Twins in general.  

[Yoke]

I want to like this more than once.

[MABB1959]

55 minutes ago, Mark G said:

If there is a difference between being hurt and being injured, does that mean injuries don't hurt?  

All sports are different.  In professional sports in general IMO players and owners are looking more at $$$$ and extending careers more than anything else.  

I think in the MLB in general is more focused on limiting playing time of players than conditioning that will lead to fewer injuries.  

It is crazy but the number of injuries and games sat out seems to be getting higher every year.  

[LonelyseatinMOA]

2 hours ago, TwinsDr2021 said:

This seems like a blatant shot at overweight people, didn't think this was allowed in 2022?

The article doesn't actually mention the size of the fictional person anywhere. Don't you think this says more about what you think of fat people? You associate these behaviors with a fat person, I'm sure you could find a fat person who matches these behaviors perfectly but they aren't by any means exclusive to fat people 

[swendel1970]

If he can only DH every other day, they should shut him down for a while.  His value is in his defense and all around game.  And it's not present right now.

[LA Vikes Fan]

C'mon, that was funny. I'm in my "early" 60s, 15 lbs overweight, and can barely walk 3 or 4 miles in a row. But I think Byron Buxton is dogging it, should return his paycheck, and should just put on his big boy pants and play! These kids today, with the hair and the music...

Sometimes we get a little too serious about this stuff. I have to tell you if someone had come to me in February and told me I can can make you a deal so the Twins will be over .500 and in real contention in August, i would have said "where do I sign"? I don't know about you guys but this season has been actually fun even after they came out here a got their butts kicked by the Dodgers. I'm enjoying the ride.

[Hosken Bombo Disco]

Not really a shot at overweight people as it’s more just a shot at fans in general?

[Stew]

I think they are doing the best they can. Looking back at games he didn't play in most games he probably would not made a difference. Unless he would have went nuts and hit like a crazy man. The problem with hitting on the twins is most of the time we have only 3 or 4 people hitting. The rest can't t get on base..Also Buxton will get more money based  on the number of games played. So he can't sit for long periods of time. So the twins dh him one game play him in field one game, then a day off and so forth. We really need him if we make the playoffs.

[insagt1]

You see hockey players constantly playing thru injuries. They never want to sit. Baseball is a daily grind, which is different. With Buxton, its a different injury every season. His body is just not compatible with the way he wants to play. This is not a small sample size. He has been hurt every single year of his baseball existence. This year his knees have hurt all season long.

Maybe he does need to just sit it out for 2 or 3 weeks and then get him back in CF for the duration. Twins need him, but they don't need an off and on Buxton who is striking out every 2 1/2 PA's and who can't patrol CF. Its not working.

[Mortimerkenny21]

How did this turn into a debate about portly humans?! Lol

[TwinsDr2021]

2 hours ago, LonelyseatinMOA said:

The article doesn't actually mention the size of the fictional person anywhere. Don't you think this says more about what you think of fat people? You associate these behaviors with a fat person, I'm sure you could find a fat person who matches these behaviors perfectly but they aren't by any means exclusive to fat people 

Yes that is exactly what I was saying ?, I guess satire is allowed in the article but not the messages?

Yes I do think of overweight people like me with words like bathrobe all day. slob, goon, sweatpants he calls “my going-out ones.” drink the dipping sauce from Raising Cane’, attacks a Culver’s ButterBurger with a ferocity and stain on the jersey, you don't think that is what he was trying to portray an of shape Homer Simpson type person? And my attempt at humor was more about being sensitive in 2022 not about fat people.

Finally did you not see the message I said it wasn't my best attempt at humor?

[LonelyseatinMOA]

1 hour ago, TwinsDr2021 said:

Yes that is exactly what I was saying ?, I guess satire is allowed in the article but not the messages?

Yes I do think of overweight people like me with words like bathrobe all day. slob, goon, sweatpants he calls “my going-out ones.” drink the dipping sauce from Raising Cane’, attacks a Culver’s ButterBurger with a ferocity and stain on the jersey, you don't think that is what he was trying to portray an of shape Homer Simpson type person? And my attempt at humor was more about being sensitive in 2022 not about fat people.

Finally did you not see the message I said it wasn't my best attempt at humor?

My bad, I did not see that message 

[Craig Arko]

2 hours ago, Hosken Bombo Disco said:

Not really a shot at overweight people as it’s more just a shot at fans in general?

Fans in general deliver cheap shots all the time. They should be able to handle some in return. 

[DocBauer]

Get off my lawn!

[Guest]

"...goon, who has a pair of sweatpants he calls “my going-out ones.” "

Is this a disguised slight at Gleeman who got his one free pair of Mac Weldon's back in 2020?

[old nurse]

9 hours ago, Dave The Dastardly said:

It was a heavy message.

Being a slob has no girth factor. For that matter, nor does OCD clean. Gross eating habits are not a function of girth. Sweatpants wearing is stereotyped as fat pants. Do as I say not as I do knows no weight minimum. I have dealt with people of all shapes and sizes that would fit the story

[old nurse]

3 hours ago, Craig Arko said:

Fans in general deliver cheap shots all the time. They should be able to handle some in return. 

There will not be clarity until lore people weigh in.

Maybe that should be give their opinion. 

[LA Vikes Fan]

All good. By the way, can you believe the lineup that moron Rocco is putting out for tonight? I could do better with a dart board! And I bet he pulls Mahle after for five innings just because he's gone through the lineup twice. He needs to get his head out of the computer and actually watch the game for a change! We're doomed. 

[Hosken Bombo Disco]

5 hours ago, Craig Arko said:

Fans in general deliver cheap shots all the time. They should be able to handle some in return. 

We at TwinsDaily work around the clock to bring you the hard hitting content and ask the tough questions of the front office that you the reader demands. So it does feel good to punch down at the fans now and again.   

[Hosken Bombo Disco]

2 hours ago, old nurse said:

until lore people weigh in

The people of lore have indeed weighed in, and oh have they weighed 

(and I imagined them quite a bit rounder when I read the books) 

[sampleSizeOfOne]

15 hours ago, RandBalls Stu said:

Johnsrud could not confirm if the significant stain on the jersey was ketchup or spaghetti sauce, but agreed that it looks like Germany

Rumor has it that it is two stains that have blended together: ketchup forms East Germany, and spaghetti sauce fills out West Germany. And there is a pearl of Horse Radish sauce from that one visit to Arby's where Berlin would be.