Twins Ranked by Handsomeness, 1-26

[Nash Walker]

In the midst of a pandemic, physical appearance is inconsequential. Maybe you need a light hearted read, or a spirited debate. All Twins are handsome, but who takes the cake?

Disclaimer: Rocco Baldelli was ranked as the most handsome manager in baseball, but this list is strictly for Twins players.26. Willians Astudillo

 

 

 

The good news: Astudillo makes the 26-man roster here.

More good news: he is the 26th most stunning man on the roster.

 

25. Kenta Maeda

 

Kenta is docked for his non-committal beard, but a strong smile (not pictured) helps him slot in just ahead of La Tortuga.

 

24. Jorge Polanco

 

My 2019 Twins MVP. Polo enters camp with a light scruff and a slightly terrifying stare.

 

23. Matt Wisler

 

Talk about terrifying stare. Wisler has a nice set of choppers and looks quite good in red, white and navy.

 

22. Tyler Clippard

 

Clean cut goatee, sporty glasses help the Twins’ new addition add some swag at No.22.

 

21. Zack Littell

 

A volumous flurry of red facial hair and lukewarm blue eyes push Littell just outside the top 20.

 

20. Randy Dobnak

 

The Dobber scurries past his sports glasses foe Clippard with patchy, yet engaging handlebars.

 

19. Luis Arráez

 

Baby-faced Luis sparkles with earrings and a soft-feeling gaze.

 

18. Alex Avila

 

A tougher rank, Avila is your friendly neighbor who voluntarily plows your driveway and trims your grass.

 

17. Mitch Garver

 

Just beating out his catching partner, the silver slugger impresses less with the beard but wins with his glare and jawline.

 

16. Taylor Rogers

 

Perhaps I am influenced by his riveting voice and aura, but T-Rog is his own version of handsome.

 

15. Trevor May

 

How ‘bout them eyebrows? Trevor gets massive bonus ticks for managing his bushy tails.

 

14. Jake Odorizzi

 

Odo has constructed ways to complement his solid look. A plausible complexion is riveting enough to crack the top 15.

 

13. Eddie Rosario

 

Rosito clearly employs a maestro as his barber. The hair slices in his left eyebrow and immoral stubbles are vigorous.

 

12. Tyler Duffey

 

A good-looking side smile, ice blue eyes, and a finish just outside of the top 10.

 

11. Josh Donaldson

 

I can appreciate a scruffy look, and Josh's certainly fits his personality.

 

10. Homer Bailey

 

Homer “the horse” has a defined jaw line and deep brown eyes.

 

9. Ehire Adrianza

 

AD, like Arráez, sports a strong pair of earrings and a dancing smile.

 

8. Cody Stashak

 

Fighting for a spot in the Twins’ bullpen, Stashak doesn’t have to fight hard here to crack the top 8 with a nice little goatee and outstanding jaw.

 

7. Marwin Gonzalez

 

This is where the smiles really shine through, and Margo has a strong one with this pretty pup.

 

6. Nelson Cruz

 

King Nellie has the sharpest and simplest beard on the club. His laugh vaults him toward the top of the list.

 

5. Sergio Romo

 

Nastiest slider in baseball? Yes. Nastiest smile in baseball? Quite the opposite.

 

4. Miguel Sano

 

His new “SANO” necklace isn’t shown here, but his impressive teeth and King Nellie-like beard are.

 

3. José Berríos

 

José entered photo day with a half-committal beard, but his inviting and kind watch is lovable.

 

2. Byron Buxton

 

A phenomenal handlebar-goatee crossover lands Buck in the top 2. Plus, the hanging cross earring is the sign of a winner.

 

1. Max Kepler

 

Kepler looks like the next contestant on ABC’s The Bachelor.

 

Who was snubbed too low? Who was overrated? Comment below!

 

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[ashbury]

When the TD minor league players' rankings were revealed one by one, it was striking to consider how strong the system was when looking at who was #18, #17, #16, #15,  ...

 

Sadly, I do not get that same warm feeling while going down this list. Our talent pool is not deep, by this particular measure. An injury or two, and we're dipping into AAA quality replacement-level faces.

 

Also, I am seriously worried about regression from Kepler in this regard.

[Diesel]

Dobnak and Astudillo are way underrated. But yeah, Kepler is the baseball crush of every baseball fan of the opposite gender that I know.

[Richie the Rally Goat]

Dobnak and Astudillo are way underrated. But yeah, Kepler is the baseball crush of every baseball fan of the opposite gender that I know.

I dunno, La Tortuga really looks like a Tortuga...

 

But Dobnak absolutely deserves to be higher ranked. For reference: https://www.fox9.com/video/655771

 

I believe JP wouldn’t spring for a pro photographer so DSP took everyone’s picture with his iPhone 7.

[Squirrel]

Oh Good Lord. You really need to consult with the right constituency before writing articles like this. Every single person is in the wrong place, except maybe Romo. I’d have to think a lot about it, but this is the start of the true ranking of handsomeness.

 

1. Rosario

2. Cruz

3. Romo

[theBOMisthebomb]

This was awkward, yet a nice distraction from reality.

[David HK]

Heh... It reminded me of the Chiefs' fashion show from Slap Shot.

https://www.google.com/search?q=slapshot+fashion+show&oq=slap+shoy+fashion+show&aqs=chrome.1.69i57j0l3.16653j0j7&client=ms-android-samsung-gj-rev1&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8#

[IndianaTwin]

Know your ‘staches, people.

 

Rollie Fingers had a handlebar. Al Hrabosky and Randy Dobnak have a Fu Manchu.

[ashbury]

Know your ‘staches, people.

 

Rollie Fingers had a handlebar. Al Hrabosky and Randy Dobnak have a Fu Manchu.

Hrabosky to Dobnak: "your fumanchu-fu is weak, Grasshopper."

 

[TwinsFan268]

Veerryyyyy interesting... I don't 100% agree on all of these. I mean, pretty much everyone is in the WRONG PLACE. (Except maybe Kepler.) 

 

So, um, interesting job. Maybe try again some other time?

[TopGunn#22]

I asked my wife.  She's FAR more qualified to comment than me.

 

Kepler---Runaway Winner.  The line about him being ABC's next Bachelor hits the nail on the head.

 

Otherwise, she says Eddie Rosario and Taylor Rogers should be higher.  She also noted that Alex Kiriloff is a fine looking young man so Eddie has ANOTHER reason to be worried.

[rdehring]

There hasn't been much written about Max' personal life, other than being from Germany, his parents, etc.  Is Max married or has a significant other?  Where does he live in the off-season?  We know a lot about many of the local sports stars, but not Max.

 

And how about a follow-up to this post.  Maybe do the same with each player's spouse or significant other?  Maybe do some type of voter polling.  Then after doing that for the Twins and we still don't have baseball to watch, do the same with players from the entire league.  You know, all the way to the finals with Mrs. Verlander getting the final win!

[Richie the Rally Goat]

Mod note: keep it to the OP in a light hearted post about the players

[Halsey Hall]

Cave should be up toward the top of the list.  

[Lefty]

When la tortuga flips off the lid and stretches that triple into a double with an amazing slide, you know the ladies LOVE him. He at least makes me excited.

[Squirrel]

Oh Good Lord. You really need to consult with the right constituency before writing articles like this. Every single person is in the wrong place, except maybe Romo. I’d have to think a lot about it, but this is the start of the true ranking of handsomeness.

1. Rosario

2. Cruz

3. Romo

When I looked at this post of mine more ‘analytically’, I realized that these three, in that order, are my favorite players on the team. I think there is a strong correlation there.

[Parker Hageman]

Super upset at where you ranked my beautiful boy. 

[joefish]

No.

[TwinsFan268]

 

Super upset at where you ranked my beautiful boy. 

And who is that?

[joefish]

Let's rank their mates.

[Baseballislife]

A lot of these are not ranked correctly. Sano above Cruz, c'mon. I think we can all agree #1 is right. Fun read overall!

[rdehring]

Seeing Max Kepler in the top spot got me thinking.  We really don't know a lot about him, at least I don't.  Know he is a German kid with a Mom from Texas a Dad from Poland, if I am correct.  Both parents are dancers and he was signed as a 16-year old and moved to Fort Myers with his Mom.

 

Is Max married and does he have children?  Guessing he doesn't winter in the Twin Cites.  Does he return to Germany?  Or where does he spend his winters?  Curious that I know so little about a young man who is my favorite Twin and just could end up being their best player some day.  Does anyone else here know a lot more about him, like Seth?

[Richie the Rally Goat]

Seeing Max Kepler in the top spot got me thinking.  We really don't know a lot about him, at least I don't.  Know he is a German kid with a Mom from Texas a Dad from Poland, if I am correct.  Both parents are dancers and he was signed as a 16-year old and moved to Fort Myers with his Mom.

 

Is Max married and does he have children?  Guessing he doesn't winter in the Twin Cites.  Does he return to Germany?  Or where does he spend his winters?  Curious that I know so little about a young man who is my favorite Twin and just could end up being their best player some day.  Does anyone else here know a lot more about him, like Seth?

agreed, these young men are more than just good ball players and pretty smiles. I really like the ‘get to know ‘em’ articles and it would be great to see more of them as time goes by. Usually they are prospect articles. It would be nice to get a then and now perspective.

[ashbury]

When la tortuga flips off the lid and stretches that triple into a double with an amazing slide, you know the ladies LOVE him. He at least makes me excited.

 

[Nine of twelve]

 

You really need to consult with the right constituency before writing articles like this. 

This was worded properly. It's not just gender, it's also gender of preference. Based on my gender and gender of preference I freely admit that I am a poor judge of handsomeness and I would never attempt a ranking such as this. That said, this is a worthwhile subject of discussion.

[Nine of twelve]

 

Heh... It reminded me of the Chiefs' fashion show from Slap Shot.
https://www.google.com/search?q=slapshot+fashion+show&oq=slap+shoy+fashion+show&aqs=chrome.1.69i57j0l3.16653j0j7&client=ms-android-samsung-gj-rev1&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8#

Any and every Slap Shot reference gets a like from me.

[DocBauer]

It's long been stated that ladies love outlaws and country boys. So that being said, Dobnak should be near the top of the list. Looks like he should be on the PBR circuit and not the mound.

[gil4]

What an ugly bunch of guys, and Romo (#5?!?!) needs to be 27 (he gets cut just so he doesn't make the top 26.) If my daughter brings home someone who looks like Romo, we're going to have a talk.   

[ashbury]

Put Trevor May's eyebrows on Homer Bailey's face and you have Don Mossi. The ears admittedly would have to come from outer space.

 

 

 

[nater79a]

 

Put Trevor May's eyebrows on Homer Bailey's face and you have Don Mossi. The ears admittedly would have to come from outer space.

 

 

Holy cow!    Mossi, my man...

 

As the old saying goes.... a face built for radio.