The Twins...Won?

[RandBalls Stu]

Against the Yankees? In New York? Come on.

Image courtesy of Wendell Cruz-USA TODAY Sports

Trust nothing you see on the internet. Deep fakes and AI and unreliable sources are as common as water, as the air we breathe. Cable TV, if anything, is worse.

I’m telling you this because you’ve no doubt already read stories and seen video about how the Minnesota Twins jumped all over the New York Yankees with a nine-run first inning and didn’t look back, flattening the Bronx Bombers 11-2 at Yankees Stadium. But are those accounts real? Think about it. Take a deep breath and think about it. Who stands to gain? Why would they do this? Why are we falling for it?

First, confirmation bias. We all want to believe the Twins can beat the Yankees. Nothing would give a Minnesota baseball fan more satisfaction than finally breaking New York’s historic dominance over the hometown nine. The good guys won! The bad guys ground to dust under our Red Wing boots! Wouldn’t it be lovely if it was true? Like when they finally contract the godless Chicago White Sox and send their sausage-fingered fans into the ice-choked waters of Lake Michigan? But we know that hasn’t happened. Why would we think this alleged triumph happened?

Second, the media loves a new storyline. “Yankees Stomp Twins for the Millionth Time” doesn’t drive traffic. “Twins Batter Yankees, Sun Shines On America, the World” does. It’s the clickbait-iest clickbait that ever clickbaited. No one cares if a beat writer catches a foul ball. But if he makes a three-course meal out of it with all the fixings? Fire up the emergency servers, nerds. This “win” is just another can of corn headed directly at Dan Hayes.

Third, we’re Minnesota sports fans. God has abandoned us. The world is a vampire. We are Sisyphus. This is our rock. Our enemies delight in our futility. Our basketball team fights each other. Our hockey teams innovate in the exciting field of grievous playoff exits. Our football team is the MINNESOTA [EXPLETIVE] VIKINGS. Honestly, the Minnesota Aurora should move to Rapid City, just to have a puncher's chance. Nothing about a decisive Twins victory over the actual, real New York Yankees makes sense. Because it didn’t happen. We all know this. We need to accept it and move on. Misery loves company, yet we are alone, here. 'Twas ever thus. 

That said, if they did actually win, it would be pretty cool, right? Go Twins.

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[LastOnePicked]

In the long history of excellent RandBall Stu's satire, this may be the crowning jewel. 

And no, I don't believe for a second that the TwinsDaily headline I woke up to this morning is real. Perhaps I will watch the deepfake "highlights" and read the ChatGPT-generated postgame anyways, just for fun.

[mikelink45]

The solution to this conundrum is to realize that most fans tuned in the second inning so they did not have to suffer a full nine innings of Yankee terror.  Then the radio guys realize no one was listening in the first so they play a belated April Fools joke and tell everyone it is 9 - 0.  Do we fall for it?  Of course we are Minnesotans - we believe everything.  Now it has spread so far and wide it seems like it was true. 

[wsnydes]

Now I'm ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN that this column is satire!  (I had previous doubts)

 

Pffft, Twins win...Yankees...ridiculous!

[wsnydes]

13 minutes ago, mikelink45 said:

The solution to this conundrum is to realize that most fans tuned in the second inning so they did not have to suffer a full nine innings of Yankee terror.  Then the radio guys realize no one was listening in the first so they play a belated April Fools joke and tell everyone it is 9 - 0.  Do we fall for it?  Of course we are Minnesotans - we believe everything.  Now it has spread so far and wide it seems like it was true. 

I did even better than that.  I checked in to find the score and immediately turned it right back off.  I couldn't handle it.

[Ruven]

> “Go Twins”

here are the correct cheering phrases:

Win Twins!

Sköl Vikes!

Go Wild!

WTF T’Wolves?

[Cory Engelhardt]

Now all we need is Teri Hatcher saying that the win was real, and yes the win was spectacular :)

[NatteringNabob]

1 hour ago, wsnydes said:

I did even better than that.  I checked in to find the score and immediately turned it right back off.  I couldn't handle it.

So I was in appointments early evening and missed the first seven innings.  Was stunned to hear the Twins were leading 11-1.  Had to stop in at a store at that point and I fully expected the lead to be erased by a miraculous Yankee rally by the time I got back to my car. 
 

This is how snake-bit Twins fans think!

[joefish]

1 hour ago, Cory Engelhardt said:

Now all we need is Teri Hatcher saying that the win was real, and yes the win was spectacular :)

Fake.  Fake. Fake. 

Just ask Elaine.

[William K Johnson]

After we got up 9-0, my thoughts were this is going to be a devasting loss.

[Vanimal46]

4 hours ago, LastOnePicked said:

In the long history of excellent RandBall Stu's satire, this may be the crowning jewel. 

And no, I don't believe for a second that the TwinsDaily headline I woke up to this morning is real. Perhaps I will watch the deepfake "highlights" and read the ChatGPT-generated postgame anyways, just for fun.

We’re all just living in a simulation, man. 

[ashbury]

You think it's a conspiracy?  You think this is all just made up?  Sure, sure.  That's what they WANT you to think.

[ashbury]

2 minutes ago, Vanimal46 said:

We’re all just living in a simulation, man. 

And a beta version at that, with plenty of bugs remaining to be found, much less fixed.

[Vanimal46]

11 minutes ago, ashbury said:

And a beta version at that, with plenty of bugs remaining to be found, much less fixed.

We all know birds aren’t real. Maybe they’ll fix that in version 2023.2. 

[Twins_Fan_For_Life]

You know what will probably happen? Despite all the injuries and and lineups with Nick Gordon batting cleanup, the twins will lead the division until the beginning of September. And we will all believe it's real. Until we wake up in early October and look at the standings and find that the twins are double digits games behind. Wait that couldn't really happen, could it?

[LA Vikes Fan]

3 hours ago, William K Johnson said:

After we got up 9-0, my thoughts were this is going to be a devasting loss.

And then after we won 11-2, all I could think was: "We didn't hit after the first inning against the back of the Yankees bullpen. We suck. We're going to get hammered tomorrow". Deflated me completely. I've been miserable all day. 

[Dave Borton]

Quote

This “win” is just another can of corn headed directly at Dan Hayes.

I wonder if the White Sox might tender Hayes a contract.  He appears to have put on a couple of pounds over the winter, ala Lance Lynn, and fumbles a routine popup. Might just fly!

[RpR]

2 hours ago, LA VIkes Fan said:

And then after we won 11-2, all I could think was: "We didn't hit after the first inning against the back of the Yankees bullpen. We suck. We're going to get hammered tomorrow". Deflated me completely. I've been miserable all day. 

Vasquez and Taylor would not like their contribution being dissed .🤔

[Longdistancetwins]

I tuned in on the radio here in New York in the second inning, having missed all the fun.  And with my long memory, I recalled a game in the Bill Rigney era where we blew a 9-1 lead against the Yankees and lost 11-2.  

[ashbury]

1 hour ago, Longdistancetwins said:

a game in the Bill Rigney era where we blew a 9-1 lead against the Yankees and lost 11-2.  

Probably set some kind of major league record by going from having 9 runs in the bank to only 2.

[Longdistancetwins]

17 minutes ago, ashbury said:

Probably set some kind of major league record by going from having 9 runs in the bank to only 2.

Sorry about that:  11-9

[ashbury]

1 minute ago, Longdistancetwins said:

Sorry about that:  11-9

Just messin' with ya.  Most typos are just typos.  Some, they're funny to see.

[Longdistancetwins]

9 minutes ago, ashbury said:

Just messin' with ya.  Most typos are just typos.  Some, they're funny to see.

For the record:

https://www.baseball-reference.com/boxes/MIN/MIN197107300.shtml

[sampleSizeOfOne]

So was this fabulous 9 run inning ever independently verified?

 

Or are the Yankees too big to fail?