The Twins...Won?

Trust nothing you see on the internet. Deep fakes and AI and unreliable sources are as common as water, as the air we breathe. Cable TV, if anything, is worse.

I’m telling you this because you’ve no doubt already read stories and seen video about how the Minnesota Twins jumped all over the New York Yankees with a nine-run first inning and didn’t look back, flattening the Bronx Bombers 11-2 at Yankees Stadium. But are those accounts real? Think about it. Take a deep breath and think about it. Who stands to gain? Why would they do this? Why are we falling for it?

First, confirmation bias. We all want to believe the Twins can beat the Yankees. Nothing would give a Minnesota baseball fan more satisfaction than finally breaking New York’s historic dominance over the hometown nine. The good guys won! The bad guys ground to dust under our Red Wing boots! Wouldn’t it be lovely if it was true? Like when they finally contract the godless Chicago White Sox and send their sausage-fingered fans into the ice-choked waters of Lake Michigan? But we know that hasn’t happened. Why would we think this alleged triumph happened?

Second, the media loves a new storyline. “Yankees Stomp Twins for the Millionth Time” doesn’t drive traffic. “Twins Batter Yankees, Sun Shines On America, the World” does. It’s the clickbait-iest clickbait that ever clickbaited. No one cares if a beat writer catches a foul ball. But if he makes a three-course meal out of it with all the fixings? Fire up the emergency servers, nerds. This “win” is just another can of corn headed directly at Dan Hayes.

Third, we’re Minnesota sports fans. God has abandoned us. The world is a vampire. We are Sisyphus. This is our rock. Our enemies delight in our futility. Our basketball team fights each other. Our hockey teams innovate in the exciting field of grievous playoff exits. Our football team is the MINNESOTA [EXPLETIVE] VIKINGS. Honestly, the Minnesota Aurora should move to Rapid City, just to have a puncher's chance. Nothing about a decisive Twins victory over the actual, real New York Yankees makes sense. Because it didn’t happen. We all know this. We need to accept it and move on. Misery loves company, yet we are alone, here. 'Twas ever thus. 

That said, if they did actually win, it would be pretty cool, right? Go Twins.