Do Not Feel Bad for the Chicago White Sox

[RandBalls Stu]

Empathy is a natural human emotion. You must work to disregard it.

Image courtesy of Flickr/Ken Lund

It’s come to the attention of Twins Daily that the Chicago White Sox are pathetic. Real chumps. A startling collection of losebags.

Watching them gift-wrap a series sweep for the struggling, injury-ravaged Minnesota Twins, even when the Twins seemed perfectly willing to give them a game or even two, you know, as a treat, cemented this perception. Truly, the South Siders have been abandoned by God and love, much like their mutant, criminal fans, all of whom are reading this from jail, family court, or an abandoned Portillo’s.

We know, through interacting with them online and at Twins Daily events, that our readers are kind, decent, and thoughtful, often named Gregg for some reason. They feel for those having a hard time, a rough go, a stretch of bad luck. It’s perfectly natural for them to look at the woebegone White Sox and experience a tinge of sympathy. After all, they likely remember a Twins squad or three that approached this level of galactic incompetence. The sheer, unadulterated suck is familiar.

My message to these fans: Ignore your feelings. Empathy is a natural human emotion. You must work to disregard it.

The feckless Chicago White Sox have earned this. A vile collection of misfits, unloved and damned for all time, they deserve only your contempt.

As any student of history knows, John Wilkes Booth assassinated Abraham Lincoln. And yet, have you ever heard anyone from the White Sox organization denounce this heinous crime? That silence, that unwillingness to go on the record, rings louder than any confession ever could. Remember Samuel Mudd, the doctor who set Booth's leg after the assault? No historical sources we've consulted state that that man wasn't the first team doctor of the Chicago White Sox.

Over a century of ugliness, of playing games in shorts, of being the most annoying baseball team in a city that also has the Cubs, led us to the unwatchable bungling of today. These clumsy oafs are only meant for disdain and ridicule. Let them have it. Let them hear it at Target Field. Let them hear it at whatever soon-to-be-litigated-into-receivership business their home stadium is named after this year.

It’s important to note: If you see one of their fans in the wild, you might be tempted to offer solace. Don't. Distracting a Tilt-a-Whirl operator who hasn’t slept in a couple days has led to many of America's most gruesome carnival disasters.

In short, I’m glad this is happening, and I hope it happens for a good, long time. Suffer.

The Bears suck, too.

Image license here.

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[Fezig]

If any Chicago team wins any game at any time it is one too many wins. Everything about Chicago sucks. Everything.

[Riverbrian]

16 minutes ago, Fezig said:

If any Chicago team wins any game at any time it is one too many wins. Everything about Chicago sucks. Everything.

The Italian Beef WET does not. 😉

[big dog]

2 minutes ago, Riverbrian said:

The Italian Beef WET does not. 😉

The Museum Campus is pretty darn spectacular, too.

Agreed on the sports team angle, though. Fun that Reinsdorf wants a new stadium now, given that his team could seat all the fans in a couple of El trains these days.

"The sweetest words that ever have been:

White Sox lose! Twins win!"

big dog, Lake County, IL

[Riverbrian]

4 minutes ago, big dog said:

The Museum Campus is pretty darn spectacular, too.

Agreed on the sports team angle, though. Fun that Reinsdorf wants a new stadium now, given that his team could seat all the fans in a couple of El trains these days.

"The sweetest words that ever have been:

White Sox lose! Twins win!"

big dog, Lake County, IL

It just goes to show that you can't judge a city by it's traffic, torsoless statues or giant mirrors in the shape of a bean. 

[mikelink45]

Let's switch on our Minnesota Nice and appreciate the White Sox for the mental and physical break they gave our team.  We needed to reset, but the season just keeps rolling along.  No days off, but four games of batting practice and the ability for the catcher and pitchers to just play catch, made this a great visit with the Chicago counselors of good feelings.  I hope they continue to be that break in the season for many more years. 

[gil4]

In short, I’m glad this is happening, and I hope it happens for a good, long time. Suffer.

The Bears suck, too.

 

Has Randballs Stu stopped doing satire completely, or is he just taking a week off?

[GCTF]

I only wish Hawk Harrelson had lived to see this awfulness.

[blindeke]

This is a prose masterpiece.

[BobAzar]

Two things:

1. If I ever get to the point that watching the White Sox eat sh*t (especially against the Twins) isnt enjoyable, just put me down on the spot, because I have gotten to the point that nothing can be enjoyable in life. 

2. No need for the "Satire" header. Nothing in this is satirical, it is the truest thing ever written on this website. 

[Twins GFP]

4 hours ago, GCTF said:

I only wish Hawk Harrelson had lived to see this awfulness.

100000000000% THIS!!!!!!!

[Teflon]

The MTM-produced Mary Tyler Moore show was also better than the MTM-produced Bob Newhart show, reinforcing the Minneapolis over Chicago axiom. (apologies to Suzanne Pleshette❤️)

[laloesch]

7 hours ago, Fezig said:

If any Chicago team wins any game at any time it is one too many wins. Everything about Chicago sucks. Everything.

They've got great Greek food, Pizza, Hotdogs, museums, the Chicago Bulls, etc.  I don't know.  Chicago can be a fun place to hang out for a couple of days but I wouldn't live there again.  Been there done that from 1990-1998.

[laloesch]

1 hour ago, Fire Dan Gladden said:

100000000000% THIS!!!!!!!

Mehhh overrated.  Hawk was a North Carolina native.  He was big on the Sox, but beyond that he's a Tar Heel.

[ashbury]

White Sox?  Feckless?  LOL no.  They are feckful.  Chock full of feck.  They went to the feck store and stocked up.

[Twins GFP]

14 minutes ago, laloesch said:

Mehhh overrated.  Hawk was a North Carolina native.  He was big on the Sox, but beyond that he's a Tar Heel.

As a Duke fan I stand by my statement!👍

[MN_ExPat]

Yes 😂!  I have an inexplicable hatred of all things White Sox.  I have literally no idea why.  There are teams I like less (if that's possible 🤷‍♂️🙂) like the Fankees, some Ohio city that I will never speak it's name and I've always liked seeing the Brooklyn castoffs fall flat, but... for some reason... I HATE the Pale Hose.

It would be glorious to see them going 3-159 this season 🙂

[laloesch]

5 minutes ago, MN_ExPat said:

Yes 😂!  I have an inexplicable hatred of all things White Sox.  I have literally no idea why.  There are teams I like less (if that's possible 🤷‍♂️🙂) like the Fankees, some Ohio city that I will never speak it's name and I've always liked seeing the Brooklyn castoffs fall flat, but... for some reason... I HATE the Pale Hose.

It would be glorious to see them going 3-159 this season 🙂

OH - IO.  repeat, lol.

[Schmoeman5]

1 hour ago, MN_ExPat said:

Yes 😂!  I have an inexplicable hatred of all things White Sox.  I have literally no idea why.  There are teams I like less (if that's possible 🤷‍♂️🙂) like the Fankees, some Ohio city that I will never speak it's name and I've always liked seeing the Brooklyn castoffs fall flat, but... for some reason... I HATE the Pale Hose.

It would be glorious to see them going 3-159 this season 🙂

Maybe it was the shorts!

[big dog]

7 hours ago, GCTF said:

I only wish Hawk Harrelson had lived to see this awfulness.

Put it on the Booooaaarddddd YES!

[mrcharlie]

10 hours ago, Fezig said:

If any Chicago team wins any game at any time it is one too many wins. Everything about Chicago sucks. Everything.

Not so, an original Chicago Hot Dog is second to none.

[Riverbrian]

2 hours ago, laloesch said:

They've got great Greek food, Pizza, Hotdogs, museums, the Chicago Bulls, etc.  I don't know.  Chicago can be a fun place to hang out for a couple of days but I wouldn't live there again.  Been there done that from 1990-1998.

Chicago is one of the top cities for food in my opinion. 

1. Hibbing

2. Chicago

3. New Orleans

[Fezig]

12 hours ago, mrcharlie said:

Not so, an original Chicago Hot Dog is second to none.

Chicago is full of thieves. They probably stole the idea and took credit for it. And since it's the rat capitol of the U.S. it most likely is loaded with rat feces. 

[Twinkletoes]

On 4/26/2024 at 8:27 AM, GCTF said:

On 4/26/2024 at 8:27 AM, GCTF said:

I only wish Hawk Harrelson had lived to see this awfulness. 

Hawk Harrelson is actually alive and well lol

[Squirrel]

On 4/26/2024 at 6:28 AM, Fezig said:

If any Chicago team wins any game at any time it is one too many wins. Everything about Chicago sucks. Everything.

As my residence for the past 24+ yrs, I can verify that that simply is not true.

I could go point by point do what’s good about Chicago, but that list would be way too long. That’s not to say I like everything about the city because I don’t, but there is a lot to like.

When I retire I’m likely to move back to Minnesota, but I might not. We’ll see.

[Squirrel]

On 4/26/2024 at 8:27 AM, GCTF said:

I only wish Hawk Harrelson had lived to see this awfulness.

What was that clip of Hawk going silent? Was the best