GAME THREAD: Minnesota Twins at Detroit Tigers, 5/8/2020, 4:10 PM EDT (3:10 PM CDT)

[Nine of twelve]

Greetings and welcome to the game thread du jour. As we all know, game threads involve baseball only to the extent that comments are posted in conjunction with that day's game. There is no requirement that these comments have anything to do with anything. With that in mind today's opening post will consist simply of some some quotes attributed to Steven Wright. No, not the 8/30/1984 Steven Wright who is a pitcher in the Pirates organization. I'm referring to the 12/6/1955 Steven Wright.

 

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

 

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

 

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

 

I named my dog Stay. When I call him, I say, "Come here, Stay". He went insane.

 

What's another word for Thesaurus?

 

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

 

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

 

Someone asked me if I could choose someone living or dead to have dinner with, who would it be? I said someone living.

 

I spilled spot remover on my dog. He's gone now.

 

I was trying to daydream but my mind kept wandering.

 

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

 

I felt sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you're not using?"

 

 

Gametime weather forecast: Mostly cloudy, 54F, winds NW at 8 MPH.

 

Lineups TBA.

 

Go Twins!

 

 

Complete batting order and lineups:

 

Twins:

 

P: Jose Berrios ®

 

1. Max Kepler (L) RF

2. Josh Donaldson ® 3B

3. Nelson Cruz ® DH

4. Jorge Polanco (S) 2B

5. Trevor Larnach (L) LF

6. Jake Cave (L) CF

7. Miguel Sano ® 1B

8. Ben Rortvedt (L) C

9. Andrelton Simmons ® SS

 

 

Tigers:

 

P: Jose Urena ®

 

1. Robbie Grossman (S) LF

2. Harold Castro (L) CF

3. Jeimer Candelario (S) 3B

4. Miguel Cabrera ® DH

5. Nomar Mazara (L) RF

6. Jonathan Schoop ® 1B

7. Niko Goodrum (S) SS

8. Willi Castro (S) 2B

9. Jake Rogers ® C

[ashbury]

Some additional Wright-thinking quotes, lightly modified to give a baseball context:

 

“I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time" so I ordered ham and eggs on toast during the Dead Ball era.”

 

"Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I’ve forgotten the count again."

 

“When everything is coming your way, you're doing your grand slam home run trot in the wrong direction.”

 

“There is a fine line between being manager and just sitting in the dugout like an idiot.”

 

“Depression is merely a slump without destroying the water cooler.”

 

“When I was in the minors the coaches told me practice makes perfect. Then they told me nobody’s perfect, so I stopped taking batting practice.”

[mickeymental]

"i went to the convenience store and the guy was locking the door. i said, 'your sign says open 24 hours.' he said, 'yeah, but not in a row.'"

[BeatTheRich]

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja-vu at the same time. I keep forgetting how much I like Steven Wright.

 

Super intro.

[Dave The Dastardly]

I watched two guys strike out back-to-back the other night. The picture was blurry and I couldn't tell them apart. They could've been Twins.

[Hosken Bombo Disco]

I was out for a walk this morning, and up ahead, I saw a man on the bridge who was climbing onto a railing and looked like he was going to jump into the Mississippi River. Very awkward but tense situation, and I knew I had to do something.

 

“What are you doing?” I shouted, but he didn’t answer.

 

I picked up my pace and caught up to him. “Nice day, eh?”

 

“Doesn’t matter anymore,” he said, and swung his leg over the rail.

 

An awful pause followed. I felt terrified and had no idea what to do.

 

Out of instinct, I blurted out, “how about them Twins? Sure are terrible this year.”

 

Still no reaction from the guy, but he did stop moving, and just sat on the railing, looking out at the river. I noticed that he did chuckle. Then I heard him whisper, “yeah they are terrible.”

 

Maybe this was my opening!

 

I said, “Baldelli has made mistakes, but I can’t lay it all on him. The bullpen has been awful.”

 

The man thought about it, and nodded. “The bullpen is awful,” he said.

 

“Yes! The bullpen is truly awful,” I said. A rush of energy surged through me. I seized on this.

 

I asked him, “do you think Baldelli has mismanaged the bullpen, or did the front office not give him the pieces?”

 

“The front office did not give him the pieces,” he said.

 

“Yes!” I said, and asked, “Do you think we should trade or DFA Colomé, or keep him in low leverage situations until he gets straightened out?”

 

“Keep him in low leverage situations until he gets straightened out,” the man said.

 

“Yes, me too!” I said, and asked, “do you think it’s too late or can the season be fixed?”

 

“The season can be fixed,” he said.

 

“Yes, I agree!” I said, and asked, “do you think we should keep calling up journeyman veterans like Derek Law, or call up some good young starting prospects to pitch out of relief?”

 

“Call up some good young starting prospects to pitch out of relief,” he said, smiling.

 

“Yes! Me as well!” I said.

 

“We should go watch the Twins game today,” he said. “Yes, let’s go watch the Twins game today!” I said. “Come on down from that railing!”

 

The man who had been so ready to jump off the bridge asked if I could help him back down onto the sidewalk. Seriously an amazing moment. But then he said something about trading Buxton, trading Buxton, and honestly I just have no patience for that sort of thing and I pushed him into the river after all.

 

Maybe I should have asked him what he meant, if he was serious or joking? Not sure

 

(h/t emo philips)

[BeatTheRich]

Larnach batting fifth. The three guys behind him hitting a combined .350. No joke. Yikes. 

[ashbury]

Larnach batting fifth. The three guys behind him hitting a combined .350. No joke. Yikes. 

That would lead the league most years, wouldn't it? And we have three guys doing that hard work!

 

[insagt1]

I keep thinking about Buxton. Can there actually be a ballplayer this good and this fragile that you worry every single game that he will go down? The young man plays his behind off every night...but he does damage to himself on a weekly basis.

So, can the Twins afford to extend a guy who 'might' be able to give them 90-100 games? Games that when he plays are eye-popping?

Will he ever be able to get healthy enough to play hard and not get hurt? (I seriously doubt that...it is no longer a small sample size)

Is any of this fair?

 

No

[BeatTheRich]

 

That would lead the league most years, wouldn't it? And we have three guys doing that hard work!
 

 

I liked this, but actually I hate this ;-)

 

Get well soon, Kirilloff, Arraez, Buxton... The bottom of the lineup looks like a black hole.

[ashbury]

So, can the Twins afford to extend a guy who 'might' be able to give them 90-100 games? Games that when he plays are eye-popping?

A rich team's luxury.

 

[Twodogs]

Sano and Cave have a combined batting average of .275

[Twodogs]

Twins lineup

 

Kepler

Donaldson

Cruz

Polanco

Lanarch

Cave

Sano

Rortvedt

Simmons

[BeatTheRich]

 

Sano and Cave have a combined batting average of .275

 

With Rortvedt following at .083. Murderers Row it ain't.

[LA Vikes Fan]

Funny intro. Kudos.

 

Why is Cave playing? Isn’t the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over and hoping for a different result? Sit him down, move Kepler to centerfield or call up Broxton. Let’s not go insane.

[SwainZag]

 

I keep thinking about Buxton. Can there actually be a ballplayer this good and this fragile that you worry every single game that he will go down? The young man plays his behind off every night...but he does damage to himself on a weekly basis.

So, can the Twins afford to extend a guy who 'might' be able to give them 90-100 games? Games that when he plays are eye-popping?

Will he ever be able to get healthy enough to play hard and not get hurt? (I seriously doubt that...it is no longer a small sample size)

Is any of this fair?

 

No

 

Reminds me a little of Grady Sizemore, though he didn't start missing major time until he had 3-4 seasons in.  

[howeda7]

Cave, Sano, Rortvedt, Simmons all in a row. Woof.

[Dr. Evil]

How come some of the poorly performing players can't be the ones getting injured instead?

[BeatTheRich]

 

I keep thinking about Buxton. Can there actually be a ballplayer this good and this fragile that you worry every single game that he will go down? ... So, can the Twins afford to extend a guy who 'might' be able to give them 90-100 games?

 

We know that Buxton can be great, but all the time on the IL reduces him to being only very good.

 

Paraphrasing Bogie, "We'll always have April." It's not enough. As much as I like last-month Buxton, there's no way you can give him 250-300 million. Free agent after 2022? This may be the beginning of the end of a beautiful friendship.

[Nine of twelve]

Thank you to whichever moderator moved the lineup and batting order to the OP.

[BeatTheRich]

 

The bottom of the lineup looks like a black hole.

 

There's gotta be a Steven Wright joke in there somewhere, but I'm in the dark here.

[sampleSizeOfOne]

 

Larnach batting fifth. The three guys behind him hitting a combined .350. No joke. Yikes. 

I am pretty sure averages don't combine that way...

[Nine of twelve]

Can Cruz get special dispensation to use a Segway on the basepaths?

[ScrapTheNickname]

 

Can Cruz get special dispensation to use a Segway on the basepaths?

I didn't want to, but I looked up how fast Segways go. 12.5 miles per hour.

 

Grossman hits a frozen rope. There's no seque for that!

[Squirrel]

 

Thank you to whichever moderator moved the lineup and batting order to the OP.

one of our many tools ... in 3 clicks, 2 posts are merged

[shortround81]

Not happy but Grossman seems like a good dude

[cHawk]

Set them down Berrios

[Mill1634]

Buckle down Berrios...can't let this one get away. 

[BeatTheRich]

 

I am pretty sure averages don't combine that way...

No, of course not. The point I'm making is that three players at the bottom of our lineup are giving us as many total hits as one good hitter. That's abysmal.

[cHawk]

Good play Sano