Twins Bring On Bob Baffert in Consultant Role

[RandBalls Stu]

The controversial Kentucky Derby trainer is seen by some as a bold, if unconventional choice, to turn the team’s flailing fortunes around.

With the Minnesota Twins 2021 season on the precipice of disaster, the team’s front office made it clear that they are willing to think outside the box in their efforts to salvage it.

Bob Baffert, the scandal-ridden trainer of champion racehorses, has been brought on as a consultant and assistant nutritionist for the remainder of the 2021 campaign.

“His track record speaks for itself,” said Twins GM Thad Levine. “We’re not at all ready to give up on this year, we know we have playoff-caliber talent. Bob’s here to make sure we get the most out of it.”

Baffert’s horses have won 16 Triple Crown races, but those victories have come with no small amount of controversy. Baffert-trained horses have failed multiple drug tests over his four decades in the sport, including four in 2020 and his most recent Kentucky Derby winner, Medina Spirit.

“We’re aware of the incident but we can’t comment on an ongoing investigation,” said Levine. “Bob said it won’t be a distraction and the culture Rocco (Baldelli) has built in our clubhouse ensures that it won’t.”

Through a spokesperson, Baffert said he’s unconcerned with the transition from horse racing to baseball.

“Horses run around the track. Players run around the bases. Same skill set, same concept. To suggest otherwise is a perfect example of cancel culture, frankly.”

Twins players can best be described as intrigued but skeptical.

“I guess I don’t mind the front office trying to shake things up,” said Twins third baseman Josh Donaldson. “But it’s weird. (Baffert) doesn’t call us by our actual names and has given us all horse names. I’m Midnight Son. (Jorge) Polanco is Timberline. And he keeps rubbing our haunches and asking if we’d like some more hay.”

A clubhouse source said the 5-gallon buckets labeled “DINGER JUICE” and “STRIKEOUT BUTTER” observed by multiple reporters are “just standard training room fare.” The source also characterized inquiries about the contents of mason jars with “COSMONAUT URINE” emblazoned on the lids as “you sound like a cop, and you have to tell me if you’re a cop, I know my rights Obama.”

Baffert’s only previous baseball experience was as a bench coach for the 2005 Florida Marlins, which is perhaps best remembered for the day Josh Beckett threw a 117 mph fastball against the Colorado Rockies before injuring his shoulder and being destroyed on the mound during Take Your Child to a Ballgame Day.

(H/T to local man Jim Andrews for the inspiration.)

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[wsnydes]

This may not be the worst idea.  Baffert knows a lot of things ranging from horsesh*t to winning.  This team's play has the former covered, so maybe he can help with the latter?  

[Mahoning]

I don't know . . . while it's obvious that several of our lads need some serious performance-enhancers, Baffert seems to be slipping -- he got caught, and someone at MLB might be paying attention.

[Whitey333]

How low have the Twins gotten?  They not only play boring listless baseball, now they hire a horse trainer.  And one who has been caught cheating several times regarding horse doping.  I can't believe where there neandrithal thinking will take them next.  Where is MLB in this?  Can't believe they would allow this and it's scandal possibilities.  How about trying to win games? Worst record in baseball. Inexcusable.

[Squirrel]

11 minutes ago, Whitey333 said:

How low have the Twins gotten?  They not only play boring listless baseball, now they hire a horse trainer.  And one who has been caught cheating several times regarding horse doping.  I can't believe where there neandrithal thinking will take them next.  Where is MLB in this?  Can't believe they would allow this and it's scandal possibilities.  How about trying to win games? Worst record in baseball. Inexcusable.

Perhaps you have misunderstood this above article ... it's satire

[Dodecahedron]

A circus show could be what the team needs to snap out of this funk.

[Hosken Bombo Disco]

The article may be satire, but I know FOR A FACT that the Twins bullpen is not using STRIKEOUT BUTTER when they should be

[Greglw3]

36 minutes ago, Squirrel said:

Perhaps you have misunderstood this above article ... it's satire

 

25 minutes ago, Hosken Bombo Disco said:

The article may be satire, but I know FOR A FACT that the Twins bullpen is not using STRIKEOUT BUTTER when they should be

Yes, squirrel, I thought of the famous George Plimpton article for SI when I read this piece - the one about Sidd Finch who could throw 150 MPH!

[Whitey333]

How low have the Twins gotten?  They not only play boring listless baseball, now they hire a horse trainer.  And one who has been caught cheating several times regarding horse doping.  I can't believe where there neandrithal thinking will take them next.  Where is MLB in this?  Can't believe they would allow this and it's scandal possibilities.  How about trying to win games? Worst record in baseball. Inexcusable.

[Whitey333]

Wow guys.  My bad.  I guess I sure am gullable!  I sure fell for that satire.  Still is inexcusable Twins have the worst record in baseball.  Yes they have injuries but don't forget they weren't playing well with those players.  They are getting very hard to watch. FO apparantly doesn't notice.

[twinbythebay]

To be honest, this seems like a fair idea given that most of the team is playing like they're suffering from a severe case of butt fungus.

[darwin22]

One of the funniest articles I've seen in a long time.   

A needed humorous distraction from a colossal failure of a season.

[WinTwins162]

This is great. I saw the headline and thought, "They are joking, right?" Thankfully you are joking, but took a minute to know for sure. Well done.

Now, more analytics...

[Yargwin]

I got about halfway through the article before I thought - "wait a minute, who wrote this?" When I saw it was Stu I only then realized it was satire. 

[spanman2]

Good stuff...excellent creativity and sense of humor.  Well done!

[Dodecahedron]

Do horses run faster if they have butt fungus?  It seems like my cats do.

[wsnydes]

4 hours ago, Hosken Bombo Disco said:

The article may be satire, but I know FOR A FACT that the Twins bullpen is not using STRIKEOUT BUTTER when they should be

Perhaps the batters should quit hogging it all.

[h2oface]

“Horses run around the track. Players run around the bases. Same skill set, same concept. To suggest otherwise is a perfect example of cancel culture, frankly.”

Sometimes things can be so simple one just can't see it. Bring on the BOB!

Reel them in, Stu!

[Game7-91]

Seeing's how the rules do not specifically disallow horses in play, the Twins can seize this out of the box moment by adapting a hybrid model: Mr Baffert trains players in the principles of Cossack and Roman riding...the OF gaps are covered even without Buxton, and guaranteed there are no 2B or SS who will be interested in completing those DP relays with a 1200 lb Arabian warhorse bearing down on the bag. This could be wildly entertaining. Good call for the Twins........

[mikelink45]

The weakness in this satire is that it almost makes sense.

[Platoon]

Satire fits this team perfectly.....

Watching the last three innings of. Twins game is frankly baseball satire at its best.  
 

I do think there is a possibility that Baffert could help in one aspect of the game.  Almost all of Bafferts horses make it all the way around the track. (We won’t go into detail about those that don’t). Few Twins hitters accomplish this feat. Maybe some training in the Blue Grass state would be helpful. 
 

That said, Baffert should be watched carefully. I don’t want to see them pulling a curtain around Buxton next time he pulls up lame! ??

[Nine of twelve]

9 hours ago, Whitey333 said:

Wow guys.  My bad.  I guess I sure am gullable!  I sure fell for that satire.  Still is inexcusable Twins have the worst record in baseball.  Yes they have injuries but don't forget they weren't playing well with those players.  They are getting very hard to watch. FO apparantly doesn't notice.

This is an excusable newbie error. Those of us who have been here a while have a high level of appreciation for RandBalls Stu's excellent satirical work.

[D. Hocking]

I think this actually has some potential.  

[sampleSizeOfOne]

On 5/14/2021 at 9:27 AM, Hosken Bombo Disco said:

The article may be satire, but I know FOR A FACT that the Twins bullpen is not using STRIKEOUT BUTTER when they should be

I think batters are hogging it all. Rumer has it Sano claim a whole jug that he won't let anyone near.