If Nolasco makes rotation I will...

[formerly33]

 

"If Nolasco makes the rotation I will...."

Consider taking up a new hobby during his scheduled starts. Maybe dancing ...

This might not mix well with the drinks, Van. Unless you meant water, in which case it won't be a bad idea to hydrate during your workouts - within reason.

 

And I advise you try a little red pepper on your cottage cheese.

[Pardon My Dinger]

 

"If Nolasco makes the rotation I will...."

Eat cottage cheese. And I HATE cottage cheese. 

Serious question: is cottage cheese for girls? Just something that's been challenging me since toddlerdom. 

[Vanimal46]

 

And I advise you try a little red pepper on your cottage cheese.

I'll take the word you recently used.....

Ick.

[formerly33]

 

I'll take the word you recently used.....

Ick.

No, that would be ish.

[Vanimal46]

 

Serious question: is cottage cheese for girls? Just something that's been challenging me since toddlerdom. 

Great question Dinger. I can't say I know many guys that consume and enjoy cottage cheese. Always likes cottage cheese, so you may be on to something!

[Mike Sixel]

 

Oh, come on ... that's too easy since you were planning to do so anyway. REPORT! REPORT!

 

Busted....

 

Ok, I'll watch an episode of Downtown Abbey those nights.....

[formerly33]

 

Serious question: is cottage cheese for girls? Just something that's been challenging me since toddlerdom. 

Yes, but that doesn't mean it's not for boys, too. I have more brothers than sisters who are veritable addicts, and my family is large enough for me to feel safe in assuming my observations are without flaw.

[Vanimal46]

"If Nolasco makes the rotation I will...."

Watch "Keeping Up With the Kardashians" during his scheduled starts. Yes, I have stooped that low.  

[Vanimal46]

"If Nolasco makes the rotation I will...."

Go in for root canal surgery during his scheduled starts. It may be just as painful. 

[Pardon My Dinger]

 

Yes, but that doesn't mean it's not for boys, too. I have more brothers than sisters who are veritable addicts, and my family is large enough for me to feel safe in assuming my observations are without flaw.

Appreciate the response. Seems like the type of insight that should help, but it just doesn't. 

 

Do you think I could, maybe, watch you eat cottage cheese sometime? 

[Mike Sixel]

 

"If Nolasco makes the rotation I will...."

Watch "Keeping Up With the Kardashians" during his scheduled starts. Yes, I have stooped that low.  

 

Whoa, whoa....hold on there. There are lines that should never be crossed, like streams.

[old nurse]

 

"If Nolasco makes the rotation I will...."

Call my mom during his scheduled starts. Find out what she's been up to. Not like I have anything better to do during that time. Always call your mom, people. 

Hello, God. Can you put mom on the phone?

[formerly33]

 

Appreciate the response. Seems like the type of insight that should help, but it just doesn't. 

 

Do you think I could, maybe, watch you eat cottage cheese sometime? 

http://iruntheinternet.com/lulzdump/images/gifs/cat-eating-rice-fork-bowl-1348366396Y.gif

[Squirrel]

 

TCB,  I'm thinking you have this backwards.  Perhaps the TD community should collective choose to shave our chest and back hair, and mail the contents to 1 Twins way. 

He who says it, does it. That one is completely on you.

[Squirrel]

 

I'll take the word you recently used.....

Ick.

Um, no. You've misused this. The correct term in this case is ish. Just ask Riverbrian.

[TheLeviathan]

If Nolasco makes the rotation I will....

 

......check to see how many of the other contenders suddenly came down with mysterious ailments, injuries, sicknesses, or victims of random Tanya Harding-like assaults.

[diehardtwinsfan]

 

He who says it, does it. That one is completely on you.

 

I think the shipping costs might be too expensive.

[Mike Sixel]

 

I think the shipping costs might be too expensive.

 

Ish.

[formerly33]

 

If Nolasco makes the rotation I will....

 

......check to see how many of the other contenders suddenly came down with mysterious ailments, injuries, sicknesses, or victims of random Tanya Harding-like assaults.

I'm going to suspect vice next time I see Nolasco unable to tie his shoelaces.

[Brock Beauchamp]

"If Nolasco makes the rotation I will...."

 

Finally admit my practices in voodoo black arts are ineffective.

[Danchat]

If Nolasco makes the rotation, I betcha he pitches poorly and then exits in May with an injury.

 

I won't panic if he gets a spot, but he needs to have a very short leash.

[Vanimal46]

"If Nolasco makes the rotation I will..."

 

Go to McDonald's and ask for the store manager. I will disguise myself as Vanimal, AKA Ricky Nolasco's Promotional Agent. Let the store manager know that Ricky wants to endorse their brand, and demand to get in contact with the higher ups. He gives me some referrals that he's heard of in passing, and leaves it at that. Ah ha! A lead in the case.... Next thing I do, follow up on those leads. Unfortunately they're just other McDonald's store managers, so I demand for more referrals. That's the key to this business guys, NETWORKING....

 

After speaking to 24 store managers in a row, and ready to admit defeat, a small victory happens... It's a junior associate marketing coordinator! I can feel it, something good is about to happen.. This person refers me to his boss; his boss's boss; her boss's boss's boss.......On and on it went. 3 months of eating, sleeping, BREATHING nothing but networking, and I hit the jackpot!! The Regional Promotions Manger of McDonald's.

 

Now is the time to implement phase 2:

 

Great news! McDonald's approved the plan for Ricky Nolasco to appear in 4 separate commercials shown exclusively on Fox Sports North and MLB.tv. Streaming fans like me will see nothing but Ricky Nolasco for 2016-2018.... He will be compensated with free McDonald's for life.

 

The tricky part is how can I get Ricky so addicted to McDonald's food where he eats himself out of the league? Well, that's where his kids and wife need to come into play. Kids LOVE McDonald's! I don't need to worry about getting them on board when there's free ice cream involved.

 

His wife is the toughest hurdle to cross in order for this plan to succeed. $15k later... I know what you're thinking; the term I wouldn't use is BRIBE. Anyway, I got her to have this conversation with Ricky every day:

 

"What do you want for dinner, babe?"

 

"Ah, I don't know. I just got home from the ballpark. Do you feel like anything in particular?"

 

"I don't know, and I don't feel like cooking."

 

"Well, we could order in from that new Chinese place down the street."

 

"Hmm, no, I don't know about Chinese......"

 

"Thai?"

 

"Ummmmm, no not that either......."

 

"Tacos?"

 

"I just had tacos for lunch..."

 

"Ugh!! FINE. What about McDonald's? Vanimal hooked our family up with free meals for life..."

 

"GREAT! I'll go get the kids."

 

This went on every day for 6 months. At that point, it became habitual for Ricky to stop at McDonald's every day after practice, at the airport, on the way to the dentist, etc. There was something comforting with a vanilla ice cream cone in his hand. Especially because he started looking more like Bartolo Colon whenever he looked in the mirror. Fans were upset, management was losing patience by the day. You know who never spoke mean things about him? The vanilla ice cream cone....

 

Things are piling up for ol' Rick. On top of that, his fastball velocity decreases from 92 to 82, and he can't find the magic again. Poor Ricky is given the ultimatum: Find your fastball, or your time here is OVER. He's lost it guys. It's gone forever. All because of 4 lousy regional commercials. The Twins have no choice but to eat the salary, and let him go.....

 

I'm hoping to get this all accomplished by November 2018. Wish me luck!

[Platoon]

"If Nolasco makes the rotation I will...........

NOT BE SURPRISED WHATSOEVER! !

[formerly33]

Vanimal, I don't think the goal is to see just how bad Nolasco can be for the Twins.

[Dr. Evil]

Not to rain on this entertaining thread or anything. But, I look at it this way. If you were coach of an American Legion baseball team and you were holding tryouts, would you pick Nolasco to be in your starting rotation?

 

To the person who will inevitably say, "The Twins are not a legion baseball team," save your breath. I realize that. But, surely this serves as an example of how far asset management has pulled the Twins from the reality of fielding your top guys from opening day.

 

Berrios, May, and Duffey would all be ahead of Nolasco in my book. The starting rotation is the backbone of any team. Ryan just doesn't stray quite far enough from pure asset management in my mind.

[wickedslider]

 

Don't worry. They are not gonna do it, or if they do (small chance), it will be instead of Milone. Duffey's gonna be there.

I think Duffy has an option or 2 left? If he struggles badly this spring, I could see them sending him down and keeping Nolasco in the rotation provided he gives them something to hang their hats on. They would buy a little time and see if Nolasco shows any sign of life, thus adding to his value. Just a thought...

[Squirrel]

"If Nolasco makes the rotation I will..."

Go to McDonald's and ask for the store manager........

 

If Nolasco makes the rotation I will go back and actually read this longer than life post.

[Hosken Bombo Disco]

 

If Nolasco makes the rotation I will go back and actually read this longer than life post.

If Nolasco makes the rotation, I will not let Vanimal hold you to that.

[goulik]

If Ricky Nolasco makes the starting rotation I will turn on the game in the fifth inning every fifth day to see how our long reliever is doing.

[Linus]

I will be happy that our #5 starter is a formerly highly sought after free agent and not Andrew Albers or Cole DeVries.