Person Who Has Never Heard of Any of These Guys Furious Over Twins Draft

[RandBalls Stu]

“Typical Twins,” said the bozo.

Image courtesy of KEN BLEVINS/STARNEWS / USA TODAY NETWORK

Unlike the NFL or NBA drafts, where players spend time in the national spotlight in college (and even high school for some basketball standouts), the Major League Baseball draft centers prospects from high school and the less glamorous college baseball ranks. It’s fair to say that unless you’re a diehard amateur baseball fan or related to one of the players, you’ve never heard of a single person in the 2023 MLB Draft.

That’s not stopping Drew Barber from losing his mind.

“I can’t believe the Twins lucked into the fifth pick of the draft and took a teenager,” said Barber, who has watched Skip Bayless on purpose more than once. “They are an unserious team. Heads need to roll.”

That teenager is North Carolina high school outfielder Walker Jenkins. He was a consensus top five pick per multiple scouting organizations and the choice was almost universally praised. If anything, this has made Barber angrier.

“This is just baseball guys covering for (Derek) Falvey and (Thad) Levine,” said the 35-year-old day trader. “They keep them as sources, so they’ll say, ‘Great pick, love this guy, you the man.’ It’s BS.”

Barber didn’t know until last week that there was a College World Series, or that it was held in Omaha, or that Omaha was in Nebraska. Still, he has some suggestions for how the Twins could have had a successful draft.

“This team needs a guy who can step in right away and hold down the middle of the order,” said Barber. “Take someone from Alabama or USC and roll ‘em out there before Labor Day. Done and dusted.”

When told that this is incredibly rare in baseball, and that neither Alabama nor USC are as prospect-rich in baseball as they are on the gridiron, Barber shifted focus.

“You can probably get high school kids on the cheap compared to some SEC stud,” speculated the lifelong Blaine resident, who could not name any SEC baseball player from this year or any year. “Typical Twins. The Patriots got Touchdown Tom (Tom Brady) in the sixth-round and we're out here getting high schoolers. Fire everyone.”

Barber concluded by saying the Twins should trade Byron Buxton for Shohei Ohtani.

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[weitz41]

Stu has obviously been reading TD pre-draft topics.

[Cory Engelhardt]

If you search Webster's dictionary for "what is a typical Twitter interaction, about the Twins, with someone with Vikings in their bio" this is it :)

[specialiststeve]

Saw one of the so called experts report we had the 3rd best draft of all teams. 

So hard to evaluate.. until they get down the road a bit.. 

[saviking]

Beyond possibly the first pick, I've never heard of any of the college baseball players, and only because of the articles about our possibly first-round selection leading up to the draft. Now I can't wait to find out who we spend our international money on that I've never heard of ..

I spend all my time following them in the minors once we sign them. Much more productive that way, don't you think. lol

[Yoke]

When will anyone hold them accountable?

 

(I hate when people ask this so much)

[sampleSizeOfOne]

4 hours ago, RandBalls Stu said:

Skip Bayless

Who is this guy, and how could @RandBalls Stumake humorous cultural references i never heard of?

 

(Dag namit, now that i have heard of him, i guess i probably will look him up on internet. Can't even get worked up properly over hearing about someone for the first time)

[Dave The Dastardly]

I can't get too excited about any of the Twins' draft picks. They either 1) become chronically injured, 2) get traded to other teams where they shine in exchange for a chronically injured veteran , or 3) wallow in the minor leagues while a newly signed over-paid chronically injured veteran fills out the Twins roster.

The next Twins general manager should be an orthopedic surgeon. Or a comedian.

[Fire Dan Gladden]

As is typical of many articles coming from Stu lately, there is sadly more truth than satire.

[Wizard11]

Awesome job capturing the persona and demeanor of many TD commenters.  Good stuff.

[ashbury]

Quote

Barber didn’t know until last week that there was a College World Series, or that it was held in Omaha, or that Omaha was in Nebraska.

Barber doesn't know the meaning of the word 'quit.'  There are many such words.

[TwinkieFan4life]

2 hours ago, Dave The Dastardly said:

I can't get too excited about any of the Twins' draft picks. They either 1) become chronically injured, 2) get traded to other teams where they shine in exchange for a chronically injured veteran , or 3) wallow in the minor leagues while a newly signed over-paid chronically injured veteran fills out the Twins roster.

The next Twins general manager should be an orthopedic surgeon. Or a comedian.

Who would be a draft choice that doesn't meet your criteria?  Ryan Jeffers?  He has worked out well.  Brian Dozier is another.

[ashbury]

2 hours ago, Wizard11 said:

Awesome job capturing the persona and demeanor of many TD commenters.  Good stuff.

Now do Brock or John Bonnes, Mr RandBalls Stu, assuming that's even your real name, if you're so brave.

[Andrew Bryz-Gornia]

Only complaint is that he would have said "Falvine" rather than separating the names. Well done on getting "heads need to roll" in there, though. 

[purplesoldier4u]

7 hours ago, specialiststeve said:

Saw one of the so called experts report we had the 3rd best draft of all teams. 

So hard to evaluate.. until they get down the road a bit.. 

Indeed. As dumb as it is to be critical of any draft, it is comically stupid to rate the success of any draft. Fact is, maybe two or three players, from each team, will make an MLB roster from this specific draft ... some teams will have more and some will have less.

Then again, years ago a website commenter asked what if Buxton and Sano didn't live up to their collective hype machines and that person was widely told that it is unlikely they'll not be MLB superstars "because all the experts say so."😀

[purplesoldier4u]

4 hours ago, ashbury said:

Barber doesn't know the meaning of the word 'quit.'  There are many such words.

I remember a prominent, even eminent, TD "member" pontificating that the Twins should not try to trade for Adrián Beltré becasue he was "about done." The comment was made prior to the 2006 season. 

[ashbury]

28 minutes ago, purplesoldier4u said:

I remember a prominent, even eminent, TD "member" pontificating that the Twins should not try to trade for Adrián Beltré becasue he was "about done." The comment was made prior to the 2006 season. 

That reaches way back in the memory banks, considering that TD didn't come into existence until 2012 or so.  Comments made on Usenet should be null and void by now.

[sampleSizeOfOne]

8 hours ago, specialiststeve said:

Saw one of the so called experts report we had the 3rd best draft of all teams. 

So hard to evaluate.. until they get down the road a bit.. 

I think we tilt our steins when we fill them, so there is less foam in the draft...

[Fatbat]

Last name pronounced Bah bar. If ya know, ya know.