Game Thread Twins vs Evil Empire June 9, 2021 7:10 CDT In A Galaxy Way Too Close To Home

[Dave The Dastardly]

 

SPITSBERGEN - Baseball Style

 

 

 

I had this buddy growing up; we called him LB, though it wasn’t his real name. He became LB when a high school nun who made a habit (chuckle) of misremembering names called him “Little Boy” because he was only five and a half feet tall. We teased him about it of course, but out of the kindness of our hearts we eventually cut Little Boy down to LB and he was thus christened from there on ever after.

Me and LB were a Mutt and Jeff team. I hit six feet in junior high while LB labored to reach 5’4”. We took a lot of kidding about the discrepancy in our heights, but LB had a bigger heart than I did, so I overlooked his shortcomings. As he did mine.

We played on the same city league baseball team. I played short and batted clean-up and LB was our everyday third baseman, our second pitcher in our two-man rotation and our back-up catcher. He was also our unanimous pick for team captain, partly because he knew more about baseball than the rest of the team put together but mostly because he had this small gap between his front teeth and he could spit better than any of us.

Thhht! And a stream of spit would come flying out between those front teeth to land unerringly on the chosen target. If LB was playing third, thhht, he’d spit on third base, unless there was a base-runner. Then he’d spit on the runner’s shoes.  If he was catching, thhht, the batter’s shoes would get it.

When he was pitching it was a risky proposition for us infielders to conference on the mound.

“LB, we got a slow guy on first and this next batter is a dribbler. Keep it low and let’s go for the double-play.”
Thhht! Shoe toe - direct hit.
“Dammit, LB!”
Thhht! Knee cap.

LB was no Gaylord Perry, but he did have a peculiar nasty curveball for our level of play. Fortunately our umpires, whichever adult happen to walk by when the game started, never thought to check the ball for foreign substances.

 

 

Me, I tried spitting, but didn’t have a talent for it. What didn’t dribble down my chin wound up on my shirt front. If we’d been old enough to chaw tobaccy my uniform would have looked like it’d seen service in a porta-potty.

Twisty, another buddy who often hung around with me and LB, was our first baseman and our team’s second-best spitter, but he had to be armed with sunflower seeds or he went dry. His cheeks loaded, Twisty could bury the first base area in sunflower shells by game’s end. Thuugh! And a pair of split shells would be ejected, tumbling aimlessly into the dirt.

When LB was on the mound and Twisty at first us infielders were treated to a spitting concerto. Thhht! Thuugh! Thhth! Thuugh! Thhth! Thhth! Thuugh!

Twisty kept a pack of sunflower seeds in his back pocket and would reload between pitches. He had it timed out perfectly. LB would toe the rubber, spit twice, check the sign, spit twice again, then go into his wind-up. But right in the middle of one game LB decided not to spit and went straight into his wind-up instead. The abrupt change of pattern threw off Twisty’s timing. The first baseman still had his glove tucked under one arm and was in the process of pouring a fresh batch of seeds down the hatch when the batter laced a hot grounder to short. I scooped it up on a short hop and accurately, which was usually about a 70-30 proposition for me, flamed the ball right into Twisty’s glove, which as mentioned, was not on his hand but rather tucked up under one elbow. The glove flew in the air, the ball flew down the baseline, the sunflower seeds flew to the ground and the runner flew down to second base, then third base as Twisty tripped over his glove and finally home while Twisty, back on his feet, chased the ball down the right field line. Probably the only time in history a guy scored an inside-the-infield homerun on account of a missed spit and a perfect throw into a bag of sunflower seeds.

So why do I bother to relate this story? Well, because we’re playing the Evil Empire who always seem to find some ungodly way of embarrassing the Twins. Or maybe its the Twins who always find some ungodly way to embarrass themselves when playing the much-despised Yankees; misjudged fly balls, stumbling base-runners, cut-off throws that are either missed or thrown into the stands, horrendous fielding errors, wild flailing strikeouts with loaded bases, etc. etc.

Whatever.

My advice to the Twins; just try not to embarrass yourselves. We’ve all had enough of this losing thhht!

Purely coincidentally, the Yankees are sending Gerrit Cole  to the mound today just after “Ribs” Donaldson squawked about modern day pitchers he claimed were loading up the ball, Cole being on such pitcher. Should be interesting if the two face each other tonight.

Pitching Matchup

Twins:  Keep Your Dobnak Up  1-5  6.17 ERA  22K

Yankees:  “Gooberball” Cole 6-3  2.26 ERA  104K

 

Line-Ups

To be posted later by an erstwhile reader after Rocco finishes comparing his spreadsheets to the results him and Falvey get from asking the Ouija Ball.

 

Yankees:

 

D. LeMahieu1B	58-227	15	3	2	.256
A. JudgeRF	59-204	34	14	0	.289
G. TorresSS	52-189	23	3	4	.275
G. StantonDH	41-160	24	9	0	.256
G. Urshela3B	53-198	26	6	1	.268
R. Odor2B	21-114	13	5	0	.184
M. AndujarLF	22-89	6	4	0	.247
K. HigashiokaC	14-76	9	5	0	.184
B. GardnerCF	25-129	5	1	1	.194

 

Twins:

J. Polanco2B	48-202	24	6	3	.238
J. Donaldson3B	41-163	22	7	0	.252
T. LarnachLF	20-77	8	3	0	.260
N. CruzDH	49-175	25	10	1	.280
R. JeffersC	12-54	7	2	0	.222
A. KirilloffRF	26-106	18	4	0	.245
M. Sano1B	25-153	28	11	0	.163
A. SimmonsSS	39-151	13	2	0	.258
G. CelestinoCF	0-12	0	0	0	.000

[Dodecahedron]

Good info, thank you.

What's on Netflix tonight?

[wsnydes]

1 hour ago, Dodecahedron said:

Good info, thank you.

What's on Netflix tonight?

Youtube might be more to your liking.  Videos of dogs getting kicked off of tables and pans upon pans of lasagna are all over the platform! ?

[Dodecahedron]

5 minutes ago, wsnydes said:

Youtube might be more to your liking.  Videos of dogs getting kicked off of tables and pans upon pans of lasagna are all over the platform! ?

When I look at videos on TikTok, Snapchat, Youtube, etc., I am reminded of the "Ow My Balls!" segments from Idiocracy.  There is a remarkable amount of content of people wiping out, doing dumb things, wiping out while doing dumb things, doing dumb things with the purpose of wiping out while doing dumb things, etc.

[Irishman]

Learned Garlick got hurt.   Too many players hurt.   Strength and conditioning staffs need to be overhauled.   

[wavedog]

Sports Hernia for Garlick - from doing sportsy type stuff.   Maybe from swinging and missing yesterday.   Injury bug is touching everyone.     

[wavedog]

I am just glad Astudillo is not in at 3B tonight.  I don't think we need the designated cut-off man.  Save him for pinch-hitting to face Chapman in the 9th. 

[Azviking101]

I hate the Yankees with every fiber of my being. As a MN sports fan of all MN teams there isn't a team that comes close in my hatred. The announcers, fans, and the baseball world for praising them champs every preseason.

And it continues with jerks like Michael Kay telling Gerrit Cole to break Donaldson's ribs. There's no place in the game for this trash and that includes Duffey throwing at Mercedes. Don't like the actions of another player? Show him up by beating him as a pitcher or hitter. Embarrassing that no one can take any criticisms. And yankees fans lap it up. The way they just think they every other team is so inferior because of their history and that anyone who doesn't want to play for them is a loser is ridiculous. 

I hope they never win another World Series and I've enjoyed every year since 2009 watching them not win. I hope the Twins break the curse someday, but that is not today.

At the very least let's show the MLB that Cole is human without his sticky crap.

[Danchat]

Garlick got IL'd but Refsnyder didn't after leaving with an injury? What the heck?! ?

[wsnydes]

5 minutes ago, Danchat said:

Garlick got IL'd but Refsnyder didn't after leaving with an injury? What the heck?! ?

I chuckled at that too.  Refsnyder must not be too bad.  The IL may have been precautionary given it's a hamstring.

Not a positive sign for Celestino.

[RickOShea]

I wish Audra Martin would do all pre and post game interviews for Rocco.

[Aggies7]

What an 0-2 pitch to throw to Aaron judge. This is why you don’t sign guys you find on YouTube 

[Platoon]

8 minutes ago, RickOShea said:

I wish Audra Martin would do all pre and post game interviews for Rocco.

I agree, Audra asks more in depth cutting edge questions than others do. Seems to cause Rocco to talk more freely about how he views the players, the season, and the future. Other interviewers seem to get the spreadsheet  Rocco 

[Aggies7]

Dobnak has thrown 13 pitches. About 4 have landed in the left hand batters box

[LaBombo]

1 hour ago, wavedog said:

Sports Hernia for Garlick - from doing sportsy type stuff.   Maybe from swinging and missing yesterday.   Injury bug is touching everyone.     

For some reason this made me think of a trainer saying "Kyle, take this Garlick bobblehead and point to where the injury bug touched you".

And for what it's worth, I'm all for the Twins crushing optimism early on tonight instead of keeping up the ruse until late in the game...

[Danchat]

We haven't faced many good lineups this year, and we're being reminded what happens when a bad pitching staff gets rocked by good hitters... yikes.

[Aggies7]

2 minutes ago, Danchat said:

We haven't faced many good lineups this year, and we're being reminded what happens when a bad pitching staff gets rocked by good hitters... yikes.

This isn’t even a good yankees lineup…

[Cap'n Piranha]

1 minute ago, Aggies7 said:

This isn’t even a good yankees lineup…

All Yankees lineups are good when they match up against the Twins.

[wsnydes]

1 minute ago, Aggies7 said:

This isn’t even a good yankees lineup…

No, but it's still better than most of the lineups these guys have faced.

[wsnydes]

I must say, it's refreshing to see a pitcher pound the zone and attack instead of living on the edges and nibbling.

[SanoMustGo]

game over

[Cap'n Piranha]

Just now, wsnydes said:

I must say, it's refreshing to see a pitcher pound the zone and attack instead of living on the edges and nibbling.

You're saying you want us to go back to pitch to contact?

 

IS THAT YOU TR?!?!?!

[Aggies7]

1 minute ago, wsnydes said:

No, but it's still better than most of the lineups these guys have faced.

Based on what? 1/3 of their lineup is hitting below .200….they’re 22nd in the league in BA (.231)

[wsnydes]

Just now, Cap'n Piranha said:

You're saying you want us to go back to pitch to contact?

 

IS THAT YOU TR?!?!?!

Pitch to contact and pounding the zone with superior pitches are not the same thing.

[SanoMustGo]

Yeah, it's been their pitching that kept them afloat.  They are 27th in runs per game.

[Aggies7]

Dobnak’s demeanor on the mound is irritating. 

[wsnydes]

1 minute ago, Aggies7 said:

Based on what? 1/3 of their lineup is hitting below .200….they’re 22nd in the league in BA (.231)

Compare that to the teams in the central and Baltimore.

 

The lineup has still managed to put up a winning record in a stronger division.  It's not the typical Yankees lineup, but it's still one of the more formidable lineups this team has faced.

[Cap'n Piranha]

1 minute ago, wsnydes said:

Pitch to contact and pounding the zone with superior pitches are not the same thing.

Pounding the zone with superior pitches is a subset of pitching to contact.  That is, all pitchers who PTZWSP are pitching to contact, but not all pitchers who pitch to contact can PTZWSP.

[lecroy24fan]

Buxton DH'ing again tonight because the rain delayed the start in St. Paul as well. Wonder how that will affect Maeda's outing?

[Aggies7]

1 minute ago, wsnydes said:

Compare that to the teams in the central and Baltimore.

 

The lineup has still managed to put up a winning record in a stronger division.  It's not the typical Yankees lineup, but it's still one of the more formidable lineups this team has faced.

The white sox are 4th in ba, Baltimore 8th and the royals 11th. Heck the twins are 10th