Local Baseball Writer Regrets Calling Spouse ‘Toolsy’

[RandBalls Stu]

‘I was in the prospect zone and it just slipped out. I really did it this time.’

Image courtesy of Unsplash/Irene Strong

It began, as these things often do, with an attempt at a compliment.

Keri Jones-Youngblood had finished off a frenetic afternoon of putting out fires at her job, going to the gym, picking her son Alex up from school, and stopping to grab some dinner.

Her husband, local baseball writer Mike Youngblood, had just spent the entire day working from his home office, compiling a massive list of intriguing spring training prospects for the Minnesota Twins. The words he’d been using to describe those prospects were still whirling about his brainpan—velo, lift, plus-plus, contact, fringy, upside.

And one more.

As Jones-Youngblood entered the front door in workout gear, with a positively buzzing kindergartner, her purse, her laptop bag, and two medium pizzas, Mike couldn’t help but be impressed.

“Man, you sure are toolsy,” he exclaimed.

“I was in the prospect zone and it just slipped out,” said Youngblood. “I really did it this time.”

One witness says the quiet that followed was “eerie, like right before a bad summer storm rolls in.”

“Keri doesn’t really follow baseball, a lot of the lingo just flies over her head,” said another witness, recalling how badly it backfired when Mike asked if Keri was down with OFP. “Even if you explain that ‘toolsy’ is praise, it still sounds like, well, whatever a layman would think it sounds like.”

Jones-Youngblood set her personal effects down on the counter, grabbed the good pizza (pepperoni, mushroom, and green olives), and went to the couple’s bedroom, closing the door firmly. The theme from TV’s Gilmore Girls could be heard from within.

Mike and Alex ate cheese pizza at the kitchen table, with Alex asking if he could watch Bluey on his tablet while Mike stared into the middle distance.

Sources say his best way of rectifying the situation will be to attend her work happy hour next Thursday, when they celebrate her co-worker Jan’s 50th birthday.

“Keri straight-up hates Jan and needs a minimum of two glasses of wine to keep up appearances,” said a source familiar with Jones-Youngblood’s thinking. “If Mike sits there sipping on a Diet Coke, nods along to Jan’s boring stories about going to Cabo, and handles all the driving, he has a real shot at recovering from this.”

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[LewFordLives]

I always felt "Toolsy" was a term used for players who could do a lot of things just "ok", but couldn't do anything particularly well.  Maybe that's how his wife understood it.

Well written, as always.

[Hrbeks Divot]

Great work! Always enjoy getting my Friday started off with a belly laugh.

[Johnny Ringo]

I understand Keri's reaction completely.

Kenny Benkowski passed away last year. He was 85. Kenny was better known by his professional wrestling nom de guerre, Kenny Jay.

Jay signed on with the AWA in the 60s as a “jobber.”  A jobber is the wrestling equivalent of the Washington Generals. They are paid to lose. If you were good at it, you were a “carpenter.” Kenny was a highly skilled carpenter. He managed to look like he was in every match, right up to the moment that time considerations required that he throw it. He often wrestled “heels” or bad guys. Typically, these loses involved some dastardly hijinks by his opponents. But he also lost to the “faces” or good guys. Here, he lost fair and square, if you forget that it was rigged in the first place. 

He was the ultimate non-discriminatory tanker. He lost to, amongst many others: the Bruiser, the Crusher, Andre the Giant, both Vachon brothers, Verne Gagne, Verne’s kid Greg, and another Minnesotan with another made-up ring name, Jesse “The Body” Ventura.

He was invariably announced by the ring announcer before matches as “the very capable Kenny Jay.” Capable is typically a complimentary word. Not to me. It’s been tainted forever.  

 

[gil4]

3 hours ago, LewFordLives said:

I always felt "Toolsy" was a term used for players who could do a lot of things just "ok", but couldn't do anything particularly well.  Maybe that's how his wife understood it.

Well written, as always.

I always took it as lots of great athletic ability but hasn't harnessed them to make a good player. I can see that being somewhat insulting.

At least he didn't get mad and yell through the the door, "I said toolsey to be nice. I really meant fringy at best."  She'd DFA him right then and there - no coming back from that 

[DJL44]

Better than a "projectable build".

[Jocko87]

Intent is everything!

[ashbury]

"Just exactly what are you saying the five tools a wife is supposed to have are, MICHAEL?"

[VivaBomboRivera!]

On 1/13/2024 at 2:43 AM, Jocko87 said:

Intent is everything!

Didn't your Dad ever tell you that the road to Hell is paved with good intentions?

[tborg]

On 1/12/2024 at 8:42 AM, Johnny Ringo said:

I understand Keri's reaction completely.

Kenny Benkowski passed away last year. He was 85. Kenny was better known by his professional wrestling nom de guerre, Kenny Jay.

Jay signed on with the AWA in the 60s as a “jobber.”  A jobber is the wrestling equivalent of the Washington Generals. They are paid to lose. If you were good at it, you were a “carpenter.” Kenny was a highly skilled carpenter. He managed to look like he was in every match, right up to the moment that time considerations required that he throw it. He often wrestled “heels” or bad guys. Typically, these loses involved some dastardly hijinks by his opponents. But he also lost to the “faces” or good guys. Here, he lost fair and square, if you forget that it was rigged in the first place. 

He was the ultimate non-discriminatory tanker. He lost to, amongst many others: the Bruiser, the Crusher, Andre the Giant, both Vachon brothers, Verne Gagne, Verne’s kid Greg, and another Minnesotan with another made-up ring name, Jesse “The Body” Ventura.

He was invariably announced by the ring announcer before matches as “the very capable Kenny Jay.” Capable is typically a complimentary word. Not to me. It’s been tainted forever.  

 

This comment is a thing of beauty.  The only thing missing was that, later in his career, instead of introducing him as "the very capable Kenny Jay", they introduced him using his well earned nickname Kenny "Sodbuster" Jay.

May he rest in peace.

[sampleSizeOfOne]

On 1/12/2024 at 5:37 PM, ashbury said:

"Just exactly what are you saying the five tools a wife is supposed to have are, MICHAEL?"

"Controls the plate?"

Edited January 16, 2024 by sampleSizeOfOne
open parenthesis missing...

[sampleSizeOfOne]

Not that i know much, but pretty sure marriage is the big leagues.