Minnesota Twins Whine Line: Season 3

[Vanimal46]

DISCLAIMER:

You are about to embark on a radio show full of SCORCHING HOT takes, ridiculous claims, and pure, utter randomness. Stop in, have a drink, call in, don't take things so serious, and HAVE FUN!

 

* Twins Daily and Vanimal are not responsible for the time lost investing in this website or thread.

 

If you are experiencing the following symptoms:

 

- Smiling
- Laughter
- Tears of Joy
- Confusion
- Anger

Please do not contact your physician. You are doing okay. Also, please do not take your anger out on the host or members of the show.

[Mike Sixel]

DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE, where have you been?

[Vanimal46]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AqS4aNi0HQY

 

 

ANNND Welcome! To Season 3 of Minnesota Twins Whine Line. I am your host, Vanimal. Joining me for his 2nd full year, the Intern! We're shocked that Brock and the moderators let us continue this show... But, we now have a new studio! We're broadcasting LIVE from the brand new SCORCHING HOT Lounge, and looking for some HOT STUFF to talk about.

 

It's Thursday, and I think the Twins play today? Either way, as we all know, it's #ThrowbackThursday... For those that have been with us since day 1, you may recall the original intern that we had to fire. It wasn't his fault; Bark used two different voices to get on the show twice. Now that time has passed, we decided to check in on our old friend and see how he's doing....

 

Intern: "Welcome to Subway. What can I make fresh for you today?"

 

Van: "Yeah I'll take a.... WAIT A MINUTE. Intern?!"

 

Intern: "Oh, hey Van.... Yeah I'm working here now. Since you fired me."

 

Van: "Sorry bud. It hasn't been the same without your hot takes in the studio.... Do you have anything you want to say to the listeners?"

 

Intern: "Yeah. Shoutout to Loosey who nearly died drinking radiator fluid thinking it was Twins Kool-Aid."

 

Van: "Alright, we'll let him know. And keep up the good work. Who knows, maybe North has a job waiting for you in Canada!"

 

 

Now let's get on with the show... We're waiting, SALIVATING, for your hot Twins takes and questions. Who's going to start off the season STRONG?

[Mike Sixel]

Molitor basically said he doesn't care how a guy hits, as long as he drives in runs.......THIS is the manager of the future? Ugh.

[Vanimal46]

 

DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE, where have you been?

 

Mike! You're back! Our show took some time off to reflect, and make sure we get back to our ROOTS. North informed us about a remote cabin available for rent off Lake Manitoba, where we could take time to prepare for the season of HAWT taeks.

 

We wanted to show our listeners that we CARE, and we're here to win a championship, no matter what it takes.  

[D. Hocking]

I am confident everything is going to go smoothly this season that this thread will just be collecting dust.  I anticipate some activity when we blow game 4 of the World Series and miss out on a sweep victory.

[Vanimal46]

 

Molitor basically said he doesn't care how a guy hits, as long as he drives in runs.......THIS is the manager of the future? Ugh.

 

This is a pretty revolutionary take... One that we're COMPLETELY on board with. Just imagine the possibilities Mike... A batter could karate kick at the ball, do a 360 spin swing, or throw his bat at the ball! Any of those things has the potential to drive in runs! Molitor is not only the manager of the future, he may be the ambassador of future baseball! 

[Vanimal46]

 

I am confident everything is going to go smoothly this season that this thread will just be collecting dust.  I anticipate some activity when we blow game 4 of the World Series and miss out on a sweep victory.

 

Welcome back to the show Denny! We hope that this thread isn't collecting dust, as there's always hawt taeks throughout the season... We have high hopes this season, and your twisted thoughts are much needed around here! 

[diehardtwinsfan]

So Van... on a slightly different take.

 

I made a lot of money investing in Minnesota Moonshine companies last spring. Is it time to sell, or should I hold my investments in expectation of another 100 loss season?

[laloesch]

 

Molitor basically said he doesn't care how a guy hits, as long as he drives in runs.......THIS is the manager of the future? Ugh.

 

 

Haha and to think there was a couple of postings in another thread about how we need to sign Molitor to an extension to give him peace of mind and help mold these kids into men, lol

[Vanimal46]

 

So Van... on a slightly different take.

 

I made a lot of money investing in Minnesota Moonshine companies last spring. Is it time to sell, or should I hold my investments in expectation of another 100 loss season?

 

You came to the right guy, diehard... If I were you, I'd hang on to those shares until they pried them from my cold, dead hands! You're sitting on a GOLDMINE! According to our research, Minnesota Moonshine's demand is expected to triple when Jose Berrios starts the season in AAA. And that's only the beginning! Just imagine people clamoring for moonshine when Gimenez makes the team over JRM.... 

[Hosken Bombo Disco]

Nick Gordon, Ehire Adrianza, and Danny Santana walk into a bar...

 

Van Man, what did you think of Molitor's 9th inning infield configuration last night?

 

2B Gordon

SS Santana

3B Adrianza

 

Time to lock up DanSan to a long term contract?

[Vanimal46]

 

Nick Gordon, Ehire Adrianza, and Danny Santana walk into a bar...

Van Man, what did you think of Molitor's 9th inning infield configuration last night?

2B Gordon
SS Santana
3B Adrianza

Time to lock up DanSan to a long term contract?

 

Our first thought: Is Molly on something? On second thought, maybe he's onto something! Who needs Dozier, Polanco, or Escobar when DanSan is so VERSATILE. His speed alone gives cops the heebie-jeebies. And the fact he has so much GRIT to play anywhere on the field.

5 years, $55 million. Who says no first? 

[wsnydes]

 

So Van... on a slightly different take.

 

I made a lot of money investing in Minnesota Moonshine companies last spring. Is it time to sell, or should I hold my investments in expectation of another 100 loss season?

I'm trying to decide whether it's a good thing or a bad thing that my Minnesota Moonshine dividend nearly covered my expenditures on its products last season.  

[wsnydes]

 

Our first thought: Is Molly on something? On second thought, maybe he's onto something! Who needs Dozier, Polanco, or Escobar when DanSan is so VERSATILE. His speed alone gives cops the heebie-jeebies. And the fact he has so much GRIT to play anywhere on the field.

5 years, $55 million. Who says no first? 

With such versatility, perhaps it is a better idea to trade him for an ace before he signs such a deal.  Tough to beat the current bang for the buck of his current deal.

[Mike Sixel]

 

I'm trying to decide whether it's a good thing or a bad thing that my Minnesota Moonshine dividend nearly covered my expenditures on its products last season.  

 

sunday sales! GOLD. MINE.

[USAFChief]

 

 

5 years, $55 million. Who says no first? 

Chief.

[wsnydes]

So Van...tough question for you early in the show.   Who's going to cover more of the outfield at Target Field this season?  Byron Buxton or Billy Joel?

[mickeymental]

people are saying that everything in the gift shop at the scorching hot lounge is made in china. any truth to the rumor?

[Pardon My Dinger]

Hey Van, I have a quick one for ya.'

 

2017 Minnesota Twins: best team in MLB this year or greatest team in MLB this year?

[wsnydes]

 

Hey Van, I have a quick one for ya.'

2017 Minnesota Twins: best team in MLB this year or greatest team in MLB this year?

I'd offer you some Minnesota Moonshine, but it appears as though you've already had plenty.

 

What do you mean "this year"?  What about all time?  Such negativity.  

[Squirrel]

 

 

We're shocked that Brock and the moderators let us continue this show...

 

Some decisions are beyond moderator control, so ... who's pocket are you in anyway? I smell a scandal, but it's likely you won't investigate yourself and will only deflect to the moderators ... again.

[wsnydes]

 

Some decisions are beyond moderator control, so ... who's pocket are you in anyway? I smell a scandal, but it's likely you won't investigate yourself and will only deflect to the moderators ... again.

The far more important question is whether or not he's had contact with the Russians?

[TheLeviathan]

 

The far more important question is whether or not he's had contact with the Russians?

 

Can any Russians pitch?

[wsnydes]

 

Can any Russians pitch?

or play SS?  

[mickeymental]

vlad's mechanics are bad. looks like he's russian to the plate.

[Squirrel]

Eeeek ... didn't mean for my post to reflect anything that might be happening in current affairs. Was referencing van's investigative reporting on ModeratorGate. And absolutely nothing else.

 

The similarities were purely coincidental.

 

 

_{And if you can't see, I'm wearing a halo of innocence as I typed that.}

[theBOMisthebomb]

Joe Mauer.

[Blake]

Hey Van! Glad you're back and on the air ethernet. Anyway, I notice our crack mod, ChiTownTwinsFan is wearing a halo of innocence when it comes to whether or not her remark had anything to do with current events.

 

Considering ChiTown is in Chicago, home of the Daley's, is it really plausible she's not aware of the political implication of her remarks?

 

And, what is it with Santana? By all  accounts, he should be asking if "you want fries with that" yet he lingers with the Twins. Why? 

[D. Hocking]

 

Joe Mauer.

 

I think the new whine line thread needs to get its feet on the ground a bit before you throw out something like this.