Game Thread: Twins vs. Astros 8-29 6:10 PM

[Vanimal46]

ANNND Welcome! To Minnesota Twins Whine Line, GAME THREAD edition. I am your host for the next 2 days, Vanimal. Isn't it amazing how similar the Twins, and the TD owners operate? I mean, a CRUCIAL series against a 1st place Astros team, and they trust a ROOKIE to do game threads?! I'm more nervous than Tyler Duffey against the Blue Jays...

 

For those who aren't familiar with the program, I'm just your standard radio host for Minnesota Twins news, with a few weird quirks... For one, I've been recorded (Truman Show style) by Chief and diehard. How they got access to my apartment, car, and office is still Mind.Boggling. I was also duped by a Nigerian Prince, who I thought was Prince the Purple Rain MAGICIAN, and all of my money is gone. And finally, I am lead investigative reporter for Moderator-gate 2015. 

 

Now before we start having fun with SCORCHING hot Twins takes, we need to get some garbage out of the way like lineups and stuff. I personally have no interest, so I'm letting my intern get his first crack at talking on the big stage while I prepare a Mimosa. Intern, take it away.......

 

Umm hi? The weather's going to be nice. Sunny. 79 degrees. 

 

TWINS Lineup:

 

2B:  Brian Dozier

SS:  Eduardo Escobar

1B:  Joe Mauer

DH:  Miguel Sano

3B:  Trevor Plouffe

LF:  Eddie Rosario

RF:  Torii Hunter

C:    Kurt Suzuki

CF:  Byron Buxton

 

 

 

P - Mike Pelfrey ® 72 overall on MLB the Show!

 

ASTROS Lineup:

 

 

    2B: Jose Altuve
    SS: Marwin Gonzalez
    DH: Evan Gattis
    RF: Colby Rasmus
    CF: Carlos Gomez
    3B: Jed Lowrie
    1B: Luis Valbuena
    C: Hank Conger
    LF: Jake Marisnick

 

P -  Mike Fiers ® He just came off a no-hitter! 

 

And that's why we pay the intern the BIG bucks! And now, let's move on to our HOT Takes of the day:

 

-  Byron Buxton's struggles: since his last recall, he's slashed 237/.256/.289 over the last week.It's quite difficult to keep track of all the hot takes out there with Buxton. Is he really that good? Should we have traded him away? Will be be a AAA player forever? I'm hear to tell you a different solution. Something that only DEEP insiders in the MLB know..... The batter walk-up song is KEY for a player's success. Look at Josh Reddick as an example: 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UwWBVm5wmL0

 

Buxton needs a new walk-up song to feel SEXY, confident, and hit SEXY HR's.

 

- Ervin Santana's struggles. How can we pinpoint where his struggles are coming from? So many hot takes out there... he's just not the same pitcher.... he's a PED user..... he's old.... forget all of that. The biggest difference between his best year as a pitcher and this year? HIS HAIR. Take a look for yourself. The first picture is when he was with the Royals: 

 

http://www2.pictures.zimbio.com/gi/Kansas+City+Royals+Photo+Day+CQ9yYRkXLhtl.jpg

 

VERY Manageable, short dreadlocks. Compared to today:

 

http://static.foxsports.com/fe/images/MLB/Headshots/190x231/7547.jpg

 

Dreads down to his shoulders!! We've gone through all other alternatives as to why Ervin's not good this year. Could it be as simple as getting a HAIRCUT? 

 

- Happy birthday Kennys! He turns 25 on September 1st, but ALL people in the mid-20's celebrate their birthdays on the weekends. Now I'm sure you're thinking, Vanimal, Vargas isn't on the 25 man roster. You may be right, but he still wants to hang out with his friends. And who on the Twins has spent the most time with him? MIGUEL SANO! Could that be why he had the day off yesterday?? Too much fun at Bar Louie?

 

- The Great MN State Get-Together! If I were in Minnesota instead of Texas, you would be hearing all of this LIVE near a State Fair trash can in an inaugural Twins Whine Line LIVE edition. Instead, now all I can do is wait for the TEXAS State Fair, and see pictures of the NEW FOOD available up north. If I were up there, I would be crushing Maple Bacon funnel cake, Limerick Stix, Smokey's Breakfast Burger, along with the standard fair grub Pronto Pups, Cheese Curds, and SWEET MARTHA'S cookies... Keep us all informed of your state fair grub experience!!

[Jerr]

Nice game for the Twins last night and a very nice intro to this thread, made me laugh!!!

 

Go Twins!!!!! As this is STILL a very big series  

 

 

I am headed to the great Minnesota State Fair tomorrow    

[Squirrel]

OMG man! Awesome stuff! If it rains in SW Florida this evening, thus hampering my attendance at the final Miracle home game of the season I'll be tuning in. Don't know whether or not to be hoping for rain!

[twinsnorth49]

Hey Vanimal, great opening. Question for you, I'm a big fan of the state of Minnesota and it's fine people, but what's the fascination with eating things off a stick? I mean, forks are pretty useful and not all that hard to use.

 

Thanks

[Craig Arko]

It's not Santana's hair; it's his pitch location that needs to change. Apparently Allen has been working with him to adjust in the bullpen sessions; we'll see.

[twinsnorth49]

It's not Santana's hair; it's his pitch location that needs to change. Apparently Allen has been working with him to adjust in the bullpen sessions; we'll see.

Yes, in the seats over the CF wall is not a great location for a pitch to end up.

[Vanimal46]

It's not Santana's hair; it's his pitch location that needs to change. Apparently Allen has been working with him to adjust in the bullpen sessions; we'll see.

You're kidding me! I really thought I cracked that code.... long dreads doesn't equal meat balls thrown down the pipe?

[Vanimal46]

Hey Vanimal, great opening. Question for you, I'm a big fan of the state of Minnesota and it's fine people, but what's the fascination with eating things off a stick? I mean, forks are pretty useful and not all that hard to use.

 

Thanks

North, this is a great question in the spirit of fair food. I whole heartedly agree that forks are useful utensils. Dare I say they are under rated?

 

You could find food at the state fair that requires forks. The problem with that is the act requires 2 free hands for proper holding and eating of the food. Which leaves no free hands to hold beer.

 

With food on a stick, you can prioritize your life better. Food in one hand, beer in the other. It's the best of both worlds!

[Craig Arko]

I can never tell what mystical hexicle jinxicle things people actually believe.

[Vanimal46]

I can never tell what mystical hexicle jinxicle things people actually believe.

Get ready to blast off with me Craig. I'm going to show you a whole new universe you've never seen before. The universe of SCORCHING hot Twins Takes.

[Craig Arko]

Get ready to blast off with me Craig. I'm going to show you a whole new universe you've never seen before. The universe of SCORCHING hot Twins Takes.

Hang on, I gotta go get a suit.

[USAFChief]

Hey Vanimal, great opening. Question for you, I'm a big fan of the state of Minnesota and it's fine people, but what's the fascination with eating things off a stick? I mean, forks are pretty useful and not all that hard to use.

Thanks

I think possibly all the spare forks in MN were used up on various ball players.

[big dog]

To a large degree, the Minnesota State Fair celebrates the state's great agricultural heritage.  The food on a stick fetish simply memorializes former times,when men were sitting around a cave, roasting chunks of mammoth, talking about the good old days when mammoths were everywhere and women just carved them up, tanned the skins, picked fruits and vegetables, cooked everything, carried everything, took care of the kids, swept the cave, and did it without any of that darn sass.

 

[blairpaul715]

It means nothing, but Vargas turned 25 August 1st. ROOKIE!!!!!!!!

[Vanimal46]

It means nothing, but Vargas turned 25 August 1st. ROOKIE!!!!!!!!

8/1/1990 looks pretty similar to 9/1/1990 after a couple of mimosas!

[Jerr]

North, this is a great question in the spirit of fair food. I whole heartedly agree that forks are useful utensils. Dare I say they are under rated?

You could find food at the state fair that requires forks. The problem with that is the act requires 2 free hands for proper holding and eating of the food. Which leaves no free hands to hold beer.

With food on a stick, you can prioritize your life better. Food in one hand, beer in the other. It's the best of both worlds!

 

And you need to both those as you walk! There is a lot of things to see, so one needs to keep moving.

[twinsnorth49]

North, this is a great question in the spirit of fair food. I whole heartedly agree that forks are useful utensils. Dare I say they are under rated?

 

You could find food at the state fair that requires forks. The problem with that is the act requires 2 free hands for proper holding and eating of the food. Which leaves no free hands to hold beer.

 

With food on a stick, you can prioritize your life better. Food in one hand, beer in the other. It's the best of both worlds!

Well I'll be, that makes a lot of sense. See for me, I've always just eaten things straight off the Coleman with a fork, hence always a free beer hand. Portability and available fuel is often an issue however. I'm going to have to give this stick thing more thought, thanks for the enlightenment.

[Craig Arko]

Back in the old days we didn't need sticks.

[sampleSizeOfOne]

North, this is a great question in the spirit of fair food. I whole heartedly agree that forks are useful utensils. Dare I say they are under rated?

 

You could find food at the state fair that requires forks. The problem with that is the act requires 2 free hands for proper holding and eating of the food. Which leaves no free hands to hold beer.

 

With food on a stick, you can prioritize your life better. Food in one hand, beer in the other. It's the best of both worlds!

So...

 

If we used one of those fancy shmancy beer can hats for the beverage of choice, and we used one of those bob dylan style harmonica holders for our food on a stick (and a bib if laundry is a concern), then what would we need hands for?

[Otto von Ballpark]

FYI, Buxton uses "Flashlight" by Parliament for his walk-up music. Might be the best walk-up song in our current lineup.

[spinowner]

 

FYI, Buxton uses "Flashlight" by Parliament for his walk-up music. Might be the best walk-up song in our current lineup.

Great song, but I remember an interview in which Buxton said he was all country. I expected, well, I don't know what, but I didn't expect P-funk.

[mikeee]

Big.

Pelf.

[sampleSizeOfOne]

Big.

Pelf.

How big?

[Squirrel]

Well, the tarp is off the field in Fort Myers. Am here to see the Miracle final home game of the regular season. Looking forward to seeing Gonsalves pitch! Yay! Go Miracle! (Also have the rain gear handy and will likely be home early.)

[Platoon]

I think possibly all the spare forks in MN were used up on various ball players.

I think Dave has some left over, he buys them by the case lot!

[mikeee]

 

How big?

I think he needs to be really big tonight.

[twinsnorth49]

 

To a large degree, the Minnesota State Fair celebrates the state's great agricultural heritage.  The food on a stick fetish simply memorializes former times,when men were sitting around a cave, roasting chunks of mammoth, talking about the good old days when mammoths were everywhere and women just carved them up, tanned the skins, picked fruits and vegetables, cooked everything, carried everything, took care of the kids, swept the cave, and did it without any of that darn sass.

Wait, what do you mean "Good old days"?.......when did this change in America?.................

[stringer bell]

Lineup notes: Buxton to #9. Dozier back to leadoff. Esco stays @ #2 and Robinson gets a day off.

[jimbo92107]

Key for Mike Pelfrey tonight is no walks, or runs, for about seven innings.

[JB_Iowa]

Good fielding... Buxton's catch was great and Pelf did a good job backing up Mauer