Twins Keeping Kepler in Lineup ‘Just to Spite Gleeman’ at This Point

[RandBalls Stu]

‘We’re aware we have many better options but sticking it to that guy is what gets me up in the morning,’ said a front office source.

Image courtesy of © Brad Rempel-USA TODAY Sports

‘We’re aware we have many better options but sticking it to that guy is what gets me up in the morning,’ said a front office source.

For a Twins offense that’s struggled mightily in 2023, Max Kepler has set the pace, a pace he’s arguably been setting for years. His replacement-level performance has been well-documented in the media, most notably by The Athletic’s Aaron Gleeman. Not once. Not twice. Let’s just say frequently.

And the team has noticed.

“Would we like to see what Matt Wallner can do? Yes,” said a Twins front office source. “Would we like to see what literally anyone can do out there? Of course. But that would mean acknowledging Gleeman had a point.

“That’s not happening. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not ever.”

Kepler is posting a dreadful 0.1 WAR for 2023 with a .193 batting average. The Twins have talent in St. Paul, including Forest Lake native Wallner, ready to step in. The source says fans shouldn’t get their hopes up.

"We’re aware we have many better options but sticking it to that guy (Gleeman) is what gets me up in the morning," said the source. “Max has hit seven home runs this year. Each time he does, the video department has orders to send the clip to Gleeman’s inbox with a ‘’YOU LIKE WHAT YOU SEE IDIOT, THIS IS WHY SZECHUAN SPICE CLOSED’ subject line from a burner email. We hired a guy just to do this, I wish we could keep him busier.”

Gleeman was unavailable for comment. His Athletic colleague, Dan Hayes, said in a statement that “I just want to watch the world burn.” Chrissie Bonnes, spouse of Gleeman’s podcast partner and Twins Daily co-founder John Bonnes, laughed for 35 minutes in a row when told of this story.

The Twins host the Detroit Tigers on Friday at 7:10pm. Kepler is expected to start, go 0-4, and strand three runners. “I bet that’s going to drive Gleeman nuts,” said the source. “God, I love it. I love it so much.”

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[CRF]

The part about Kep going 0-4 and stranding 3 guys, is probably spot on. Unfortunately...that's not particularly humorous. 

[mikelink45]

When Kepler takes down the FO guy with his ineptitude the Glee in Gleeman will be everywhere.

[HoskenPowell]

When the Twins lose the central by 4 games it will fall on the front offices head's.  Keeping Kepler and Pagan around has cost them at LEAST 4 games already.

[JDubs]

1 hour ago, CRF said:

The part about Kep going 0-4 and stranding 3 guys, is probably spot on. Unfortunately...that's not particularly humorous. 

Yeah, I thought this was supposed to be satire, not just an accurate forecast of what will actually happen

[saviking]

Kepler, Pagan and dare I suggest we add Jorge Lopez to the list? Well, maybe not yet but he better get out of the gutter soon. 

[Twinsrule1991]

Randballs Stu never misses.

[DocBauer]

Best Randball Stu OP EVER!

Hayes wanting to watch the world burn had me blurt out laughter.

Only thing is...are we for certain 90% of the OP isn't factual?

[Parfigliano]

Stu's satire being even a little bit true would explain alot.  They keep Kepler to avoid admitting the on going mistake in keeping him.

[Fornasiere-ite]

You know we are all in trouble when Kepler actually does something productive and its a pleasant surprise. It kind of feels like the old NL days when a pitcher randomly cracks a double. Expectations are so low at this point, its laughable. 

[chinmusic]

Ok, the Kepler bashing is getting old.

I wanna see a response from Gleeman😀

 

[joefish]

Who would we get more for in a trade, Kepler, Gallo, or Larnach?

[Rod Carews Birthday]

39 minutes ago, joefish said:

Who would we get more for in a trade, Kepler, Gallo, or Larnach?

Gallo to a contender for immediate but temporary slugging help, then Larnach to a poor team for a bet on the future, then Kepler for a bag of balls/other salary relief only. 

[BobAzar]

1 hour ago, Fornasiere-ite said:

You know we are all in trouble when Kepler actually does something productive and its a pleasant surprise. It kind of feels like the old NL days when a pitcher randomly cracks a double. Expectations are so low at this point, its laughable. 

I alway think of the scene in Little Big League when they say "Kid, don't you think there's a problem when you get that excited over a seeing-eye single?"

[Ex-Iowegian]

It’s the only possible explanation.

[sampleSizeOfOne]

3 hours ago, joefish said:

Who would we get more for in a trade, Kepler, Gallo, or Larnach?

The wisdom of the ages answereth...

"trick question. Ditka is God"

[jkcarew]

Well, if Kepler in the lineup every day spites Gleeman…

then every cloud really does have a silver lining.

[chaderic20]

3 hours ago, joefish said:

Who would we get more for in a trade, Kepler, Gallo, or Larnach?

Gleeman?

[Beast]

The reality that it’s because of the roughly $4M remaining of his $8M salary in the last year of his deal is even more ridiculous.

I mean, he does bring some value defensively.  So he’s not totally useless.  But it’s pretty clear after the last 3 years that the guy just isn’t going to come around at the plate.

[sampleSizeOfOne]

6 hours ago, saviking said:

Kepler, Pagan and dare I suggest we add Jorge Lopez to the list? Well, maybe not yet but he better get out of the gutter soon. 

Oh, has Gleeman posted about Pagan or Lopez?

 

I haven't been paying attention...

 

I still hear the word frequently and think... "Exactly, you said often frequently only once."