The Worst Promos and Ticket Deals at Target Field

[RandBalls Stu]

HCMC, the Minnesota Department of Health, and The Vatican have already condemned one promotion.

Image courtesy of Unsplash/Klemens Kopfle

On Thursday, Twins Daily’s Melissa Berman explored some of the most exciting promos and ticket deals at Target Field this season. Today, we look at some of the less popular ones.

TOMMY HERR BOBBLEHEAD NIGHT: The wildly unpopular return in the trade for beloved World Series champion Tom Brunansky gets his own tribute on May 14th! The first 5,000 fans will receive a bobblehead that sulks, pouts, and has a remarkably lifelike “I don’t even want to be here” setting. “It’s as off-putting as the real thing,” said a clubhouse source. “Like a rag doll you find in an abandoned hospital.”

ALL YOU CAN EAT DOME DOG NIGHT: “While clearing out one of the team’s storage units in Maplewood, we discovered freezers full of Dome Dogs from 2009,” said Twins President Dave St. Peter. “Food waste is a real problem in this country, and we’re doing our part to address it.” On August 4th, adventurous foodies can purchase a standing-room seat plus a lanyard giving them unfettered access to 14-year-old meats for $25. HCMC, the Minnesota Department of Health, and The Vatican have already issued statements condemning the promotion.

SIT NEXT TO AN UNPLEASANT MAN FOR $7: “We always have a stray spot available in our premium sections behind home plate and in the suites,” said a front office source. “Without exception, they’re near a very loud man with too much money and too many opinions. But the seats are awesome.” Available in packages of 5, 10, or 20 games, these tickets are priced to move and will be especially appealing to those who have a high tolerance for hearing about who the real racists are.

THE BULLPEN BUDDY: With the team’s relief pitching still in need of upgrades, not a lot of free agent options, and a significant outlay of cash for Carlos Correa, the Twins are getting creative. This $1000 ticket allows you to sit in the home bullpen for any of the 81 games. The only catch: you’re pitching the 6th inning. “We’re getting money in the coffers and letting some folks live their dream of pitching against Mike Trout and Aaron Judge,” said a source with knowledge of the front office’s thinking. “There is some downside risk in that it violates league rules and a line drive will likely kill the ticketholder instantly, but we need to look at the big picture and let our legal team hash it out.” PECOTA projects an average Twins ticket buyer to have an ERA of infinity, making them roughly equivalent to Emilio Pagan “at a team-friendly price,” said the source.

Image license here.

 

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[Huskertwin]

Well done as usual Stu! I need me one of those Tommy Herr bobbleheads!

[BobAzar]

Not gonna lie, I would eat at least 3 Dome dogs...

[chinmusic]

One of your top 3 all time posts👍

[sampleSizeOfOne]

59 minutes ago, RandBalls Stu said:

a high tolerance for hearing about who the real racists are.

I knew who's on first, but i didn't know he had racist proclivities. Abbott must have omitted the fact.

[DJL44]

Quote

SIT NEXT TO AN UNPLEASANT MAN FOR $7: “We always have a stray spot available in our premium sections behind home plate and in the suites,” said a front office source. “Without exception, they’re near a very loud man with too much money and too many opinions. But the seats are awesome.” Available in packages of 5, 10, or 20 games, these tickets are priced to move and will be especially appealing to those who have a high tolerance for hearing about who the real racists are.

So like watching at my uncle's house.

[sampleSizeOfOne]

I don't know, the bullpen buddies might skyrocket in value... At least until someone catches on. How much would some people pay for a chance to bean a Yankee?

[sampleSizeOfOne]

I am waiting for the time-traveler's special. Go back and pay a penny to the senators in 1915 for your season tickets this year.

 

Don't own your own time machine? We'll uber you to the game of your choice for an immodest premium.

[MMMordabito]

SIT NEXT TO AN UNPLEASANT MAN FOR $7

 

This guy must have upgraded from his seat in section 110 that he had in 2019.  He was a catcher in high school, so be prepared to listen to how none of the catchers on the MLB field know what they're doing for the entire game. 

 

[Cris E]

A few late additions to the schedule:

Two new Carlos Correa jersey nights are on tap. The Giants are in town on May 24 and the Mets are here Sept 10, and you can get fresh new Correa #4 jerseys! (Note: these were printed in SF and NY back when things looked a bit different, so they won't necessarily be Twins gear, if you get my drift.)

Jose Berrios night is tentatively scheduled for Friday May 26.  If he's pitching like he did in 2022, you can take home Jose after the game. Not a bobblehead, but your own actual MLB pitcher! This one is still pending approval from the legal dept, but we'll let you know as the date approaches.

Once it became clear how popular the Back to School promos were in mid-July it wasn't a big leap to Halloween Night against the Pirates on August 19, Merry Christmas on Aug 30, a multi-game Hanukkah celebration the weekend of Sept 8 against the Mets and Opening Day 2023 on Sept 27 against the As.

 

 

[Johnny Ringo]

Isn't this how we got Pagan in the first place?

[DJL44]

2 hours ago, MMMordabito said:

He was a catcher in high school, so be prepared to listen to how none of the catchers on the MLB field know what they're doing for the entire game. 

I went to an NFL game once and a guy in the row behind was complaining about the coaching. He actually said he coached Pop Warner so he knew what he was talking about.

[Dave The Dastardly]

The fact that a pair of Charmin toilet paper rolls from the Front Office's Covid stash come free with a purchase of 3 of those 14-year old Dome Dogs wasn't mentioned. No toilet paper for a two-bagger as statistics say a spreadsheet and a bottle of Pepto-Dismal will suffice. The guys who go for four dogs take it in the shorts.

[Teflon]

In 1982, the Metropolitan Sports Commission had to hire a service to get rid of the the hundreds of pigeons that were trapped in the Metrodome when the fabric roof was installed. Dome Dogs made their initial appearance shortly thereafter. Coincidence?

[BobAzar]

With the just-announced trade of Arraez, looks like the bat day giveaway should be on the list too

[wsnydes]

Consider me already in line for the Herr bobblehead!  

Hell, give me those Dome Dogs while I wait.  I'll need something to chew on...

[dex8425]

7 hours ago, BobAzar said:

Not gonna lie, I would eat at least 3 Dome dogs...

I'd get three. Then I'd eat one and feel ill, so I'd eat another one and totally regret it. I'd give the third to someone else.

[LewFordLives]

I never liked the dome dog. Nothing but grease. I prefer the original Twins Dog, but last time I was at Target Field they only had it at one or two stations.

[RetractableProof]

ALL YOU CAN EAT DOME DOG NIGHT would be the BEST promo in the history of Target Field!