Article: Game Thread: Twins v Blue Jays, 5/19 @ 7:10pm CT

[Riverbrian]

I have never seen any organization shove the genie back in the bottle this fast... this hard... and this clumsily.

That’s how I described the situation with the Twins in another thread and I think it’s pretty accurate. So much promise with all these young players that the Twins front office banked on it and now they are scrambling to re-set with players that basically became Twins because other teams were not that interested in them and they just happened to be available as a result of that lack of interest.

Just like Captain Tony Nelson… that smoke coming out of the bottle after you rub it doesn’t always go as planned. Sometimes it goes horribly wrong, but it’s pretty cool. And I’ll give the same advice to the Twins front office that I would have given to the well-meaning Captain back in the 60’s: “It’s a gift… quit fighting it and learn how to work with it.”

Here are some things to think about:

 

1. Jeannie – This American Icon was trapped in her bottle for 2,000 years until being discovered by an astronaut who landed far off course on a deserted island. In other words… after 2,000 years in a bottle… Jeannie is a lot like a non-blinking Alex Meyer.


2. Aladdin’s Lamp – Terry Ryan is the General Manager of an impoverished team… living in poverty for many years. Terry was vulnerable because of this poverty and easily fell under the influence of the sorcery of his evil advisors. His advisors set him up as a wealthy merchant to gain their trust and then persuaded him to fetch an oil lamp from a magic cave. It was really an evil plan that led to Terry being trapped in the cave, but Terry manages to escape this double cross because of the support of Jim Pohlad who appeared out of nowhere to make sure that Terry would be OK. Terry returned home from this magic cave entrapment still poor but now with a lamp of unknown value. His mother, Paul Molitor (that was really her name), was only concerned about feeding the family and had resorted to cooking up piles of Mastroianni because that was all they could afford and nobody was getting the nutrition necessary to grow up big and strong. She decided that the lamp could be sold to purchase much needed food. That’s when Paul Molitor started to clean the lamp to sell and while rubbing it… something magical happened. Byron Buxton, Jose Berrios and Eddie Rosario came out and punched her right in the face.


3. Jeannie C. Riley -- I’ve never been to Harper Valley but it’s clear that it is populated by a bunch of hypocrites so I’ve chosen to remain in Grand Forks where hypocrites are not allowed and are all forced to live in East Grand Forks. The Parent Teachers Association of Harper Valley had become concerned about the widowed Mrs. Johnson and the short dresses she wore and a proclivity for drinking and hanging out with men. They sent a note home with her daughter that stated this behavior was a bad example for her young daughter. As it turns out the members of the Harper Valley PTA were not perfect either and had a big list of their own issues that Mrs. Johnson readily brought to light at the next meeting. Issues like stalking, drinking, extra-marital affairs, exhibitionism, golf-ball sized neck moles, inappropriate web searches, psoriasis, completely missing easy pop ups behind 2nd base, trying to pull the ball with a runner on 2nd and nobody out, not mixing up the locations and speeds of pitches, bunting too often, not considering the lefty/righty matchups and not fielding a roster of competent players. After the hypocrisy was placed on the table for all to see… Brian Dozier, Phil Hughes, Kevin Jepsen, Paul Molitor and Terry Ryan all got up and walked out of the room in disgust.


4. Baba O’ Riley – Out on the baseball field… you must fight for your paycheck. You got to get your back into what you do and if you do… you won’t need to explain yourself and there will be no need to be forgiven. So let’s not cry… let’s not be concerned… It’s only TEENAGE WASTELAND.

And TWINS… Please… Let’s get this together… BEFORE WE GET MUCH OLDER!!!

5. Baba – When my youngest son was a toddler and was thirsty he would say “Baba”. I had no idea what this meant and never put two and two together. I simply didn’t know at the time that he meant “Bottle” and it came out “Baba.” He’s 18 now and about to graduate high school and we are so proud of him but it turns out that he is now severely dehydrated.

--------------------
Lineups:

BLUE JAYS
Jose Bautista(R ) RF
Josh Donaldson(R ) 3B
Edwin Encarnacion(R ) DH
Justin Smoak(S) 1B
Michael Saunders(L) LF
Troy Tulowitzki(R ) SS
Jimmy Paredes(S) 2B
Russell Martin(R ) C
Kevin Pillar(R ) CF

Marco Estrada(R ) P

TWINS
Brian Dozier(R ) 2B
Eduardo Nunez(R ) SS
Joe Mauer(L) 1B
Miguel Sano(R ) RF
Trevor Plouffe(R ) 3B
Byung-ho Park(R ) DH
Oswaldo Arcia(L) LF
Kurt Suzuki(R ) C
Danny Santana(S) CF

Ervin Santana(R ) P

Game-time forecast: Partly cloudy, 68 deg F with a brief 9% chance of rain, winds from the S-SSE at 5-9mph.

Go Twins! Please!

Click here to view the article

[Craig Arko]

I cannot image a universe in which I would compare Barbara Eden to Alex Meyer.

[Winston Smith]

I hope:

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZgubG-MOPT4

[diehardtwinsfan]

 

5. Baba – When my youngest son was a toddler and was thirsty he would say “Baba”. I had no idea what this meant and never put two and two together. I simply didn’t know at the time that he meant “Bottle” but it came out “Baba”. He’s 18 now and about to graduate high school and we are so proud of him but it turns out that he is now severely dehydrated.

Click here to view the article

 

He's 18....  Perhaps he found daddy's secret liquor stash.  I hear that dehydrates you too, but I'm not speaking from experience as I've apparently never had a hangover in my life (and not for lack of trying), and I'm sure daddy is keeping it well stocked given the product presently on the field that he's forced to watch. 

[Vanimal46]

Genie in a bottle takes me back to an embarrassing time in my life...

The year: 1999.  I was 9 years old at the time, and heading to my first co-ed Halloween party at a girl's house down the street. The party was going well - there was a punch bowl, and a bunch of snacks on a folding table in the garage. Also in the garage was the dance floor. 

The girls were in one corner of the dance floor giggling about something... I didn't get the scoop on what. Then, the next song played on the jukebox:

 

Christina Aguilera "Genie in a Bottle"

Apparently this was the perfect song for the girl who had a crush on me to make her move. This girl, let's call her Paige in order to protect the innocent, approached me on the side of the garage near the punch bowl and snacks. Her next words.... "I want to be your genie and make your wish come true."  Paige then leaned in to kiss me on the lips. Remember, this is when I was 9 years old.... I was shocked that this was happening! So shocked, that I knocked her backwards INTO the punch bowl and snacks. The table collapsed, and she was humiliated. 

 

Turns out I ran into Paige during the college years, and she brought this story up over 10 years later. It was blocked out of my mind for years, but when she told me the story, it all started coming back. I was a real smooth cat back in the day.... 

[Squirrel]

 

I cannot image a universe in which I would compare Barbara Eden to Alex Meyer.

I can. It's called RiverBrian's World.

[Winston Smith]

Riverworld was a decent series of books but realistically it's Briansworld and we all just live in it here at TD.

[Squirrel]

 

Riverworld was a decent series of books but realistically it's Briansworld and we all just live in it here at TD.

Could be worse things to live in ... I'm pretty sure ... possibly ... his special land of ellipses ... ... ...

[Craig Arko]

 

Riverworld was a decent series of books but realistically it's Briansworld and we all just live in it here at TD.

To Your Scattered Brians Go.

[gmarais66]

Let's hope Sparky Mastroianni is starting tonight. The Twins could really use his grit in the lineup.

[Craig Arko]

 

Let's hope Sparky Mastroianni is starting tonight. The Twins could really use his grit in the lineup.

One day, little girl, the sadness will leave your face
As soon as you've won the fight to get justice done
Someday little girl you'll wonder what life's about
But other's have known few battles are won alone

So, you'll look around to find
Someone who's kind, someone who is fearless like you
The pain of it will ease a bit
When you find a man with true grit

[Loosey]

 

Genie in a bottle takes me back to an embarrassing time in my life...

The year: 1999.  I was 9 years old at the time, and heading to my first co-ed Halloween party at a girl's house down the street. The party was going well - there was a punch bowl, and a bunch of snacks on a folding table in the garage. Also in the garage was the dance floor. 

The girls were in one corner of the dance floor giggling about something... I didn't get the scoop on what. Then, the next song played on the jukebox:

 

Christina Aguilera "Genie in a Bottle"

Apparently this was the perfect song for the girl who had a crush on me to make her move. This girl, let's call her Paige in order to protect the innocent, approached me on the side of the garage near the punch bowl and snacks. Her next words.... "I want to be your genie and make your wish come true."  Paige then leaned in to kiss me on the lips. Remember, this is when I was 9 years old.... I was shocked that this was happening! So shocked, that I knocked her backwards INTO the punch bowl and snacks. The table collapsed, and she was humiliated. 

 

Turns out I ran into Paige during the college years, and she brought this story up over 10 years later. It was blocked out of my mind for years, but when she told me the story, it all started coming back. I was a real smooth cat back in the day.... 

Clearly you didn't "Rub Her The Right Way". 

 

[Riverbrian]

 

Could be worse things to live in ... I'm pretty sure ... possibly ... his special land of ellipses ... ... ...

 

You all... have special invitations... to take up residence... whenever you want... the gates are wide open.

[LaBombo]

If you liked the show or if you've ever heard the DNA remix of Suzanne Vega's 'Tom's Diner'  (and you have,  whether you know it or not),   then you have to watch this short and very funny video of clips from the show.   Also a good synopsis of the almost impossibly campy show for the youngsters who don't remember the it even from syndication.

 

http://images2.fanpop.com/images/photos/5800000/My-Master-the-Weakling-3x05-i-dream-of-jeannie-5819787-768-576.jpg

Edited May 19, 2016 by LaBombo

[Vanimal46]

 

Clearly you didn't "Rub Her The Right Way". 

On that particular evening, no, I most certainly did not. But, I did redeem myself 12-13 years later when I saw her at a random bar in the Twin Cities! 

[Vanimal46]

 

You all... have special invitations... to take up residence... whenever you want... the gates are wide open.

I'm trying to imagine who would greet us at the gate of RB World.... The band members from Bulletboys? W.A.S.P.? White Snake? 

[Platoon]

I feel that tonight things will turn for the better. Dozier announced yesterday he is addressing the team before the game. I am sure Dick/Bert will cover the address in depth. As long as he stays away from topics such as catching pop ups behind 2nd, pulling outside pitches to the SS of LF'er, and complaining about every called third strike, I think the talk will be well received. Now if on the other hand Dick informs us that Dozier was pulled suddenly from the lineup due to a pregame eye injury, that is another matter!

[Blake]

 

You all... have special invitations... to take up residence... whenever you want... the gates are wide open.

That looks more like Captain James T. Kirk speak.

[LaBombo]

 

I cannot image a universe in which I would compare Barbara Eden to Alex Meyer.

 

"Craig,   it's here.   It really is here."

 

http://media.liveauctiongroup.net/i/21084/22735730_9.jpg?v=8D28033D9AE56B0

Edited May 19, 2016 by LaBombo

[Blake]

 

I'm trying to imagine who would greet us at the gate of RB World.... The band members from Bulletboys? W.A.S.P.? White Snake? 

Probably something like this:

[Riverbrian]

 

I'm trying to imagine who would greet us at the gate of RB World.... The band members from Bulletboys? W.A.S.P.? White Snake? 

 

 

These guys hang out at the gate often. I don't know why but they seem to like it and I'm not one to argue. 

[Vanimal46]

Could be worse things to live in ... I'm pretty sure ... possibly ... his special land of ellipses ... ... ...

What's wrong with ellipses? Though I do use them quite a bit as a crutch... to separate my train of thoughts.

[Riverbrian]

 

What's wrong with ellipses? Though I do use them quite a bit as a crutch... to separate my train of thoughts.

 

I use them like a gas powered wheelchair. 

[Blake]

 

I use them like a gas powered wheelchair. 

Pfft, ellipses are an easy way to increase word count. 5 ellipses = 1 word.

 

Simple, really.

[Mike Sixel]

I have an insatiable love of ellipses......

[Blake]

 

I have an insatiable love of ellipses......

(......?) <--- Best way to say everything without saying anything.

 

 

[Vanimal46]

 

I have an insatiable love of ellipses......

You and me both, Mike.... When I see them, I know it's the end of a thought... or dramatic pause is needed while reading.

[Blake]

The Blue Jays have been even harder on the Twins than the Yankees.

 

This is probably going to be tough to watch.

[Craig Arko]

 

I have an insatiable love of ellipses......

I keep clicking on them to expose the additional options.

[gmarais66]

 

The Blue Jays have been even harder on the Twins than the Yankees.

 

This is probably going to be tough to watch.

I'm guessing it will be nothing short of agonizing.