Minnesota Twins Whine Line: Season 2

[Craig Arko]

Perfect antidote to all this: watching Animaniacs on Netflix.

 

Heloooo, Nurse.

[TheLeviathan]

Nick Punto and Torii Hunter are free agents. Problem solved.

 

And sign Derosa too, just to shut Dave up.

[Vanimal46]

VAnna Roseannadanna...long time listener, long time caller, Yada Yada. Thought exercise for ya to chew on...suppose the Twins bullpen could face the Twins lineup. I know, I know, but work with me here. What would happen? Who would win, the resistable force? the movable Object? Would Fien suddenly develop a K rate of 2 per 9? Would Buxton put up a 950 Ops?

Or would it all get called on account of rain?

Chief, I knew if the phone lines were open you'd come in and save the day. I really wasn't expecting a question so deep before I cracked open the 2nd beer.. The buzz hasn't set in yet, but I will try to answer this exercise the best way possible...

 

I think we'd ALL like to believe the offense would win out in this scenario, right? Maybe with Casey Fien throwing 91 MPH meatballs Sano and Dozier could break out of their slumps! But what are the REPERCUSSIONS to such an exercise? Does Casey Fien hang it up because a bunch of scrubs hitting .100 start mashing 450 ft bombs on him? If that were me, I'd certainly reconsider my profession after that...

 

OR what if Fien starts striking out the side every inning? 9 consecutive Snapper Mow 'em Down innings.. The pitcher's confidence would be SKY HIGH, but what about Sano and Dozier? It's possible after being embarrassed by Fien, they consider hanging up the cleats for good, and we're stuck watching ABW strike out 4 times a game as Sano's replacement.

 

All in all, this exercise is WAY too risky to attempt in real life.

[Vanimal46]

Nick Punto and Torii Hunter are free agents. Problem solved.

And sign Derosa too, just to shut Dave up.

And they could all be signed for cheap! I think Chief can vouch for this, but retirement can be boring. Humans need a purpose in this life. Torii, Punto, and DeRosa can't be doing anything THAT important to not consider the Twins' offer. Heck, for access to the pre-game meals and Reusse's cushy chair in the press box they could sign me!

[Platoon]

VAnna Roseannadanna...long time listener, long time caller, Yada Yada. Thought exercise for ya to chew on...suppose the Twins bullpen could face the Twins lineup. I know, I know, but work with me here. What would happen? Who would win, the resistable force? the movable Object? Would Fien suddenly develop a K rate of 2 per 9? Would Buxton put up a 950 Ops?

Or would it all get called on account of rain?

Where would you find a network that would carry it.

[ashbury]

First time listener, long time caller. Thanks for taking my call. I'll hang up and listen.

[ashbury]

Wait, I left out a step. What could we get in trade for Buxton? What if we threw in Sano as a sweetener?

[Vanimal46]

 

First time listener, long time caller. Thanks for taking my call. I'll hang up and listen.

Thank you for calling Pizza Hut... Hello? Sir? Is this for pick-up or delivery?

[Vanimal46]

 

Wait, I left out a step. What could we get in trade for Buxton? What if we threw in Sano as a sweetener?

OHH it was you that called Ash. I guess you found out my 2nd job when I'm not on the radio! To answer your question, I'm going to think outside the box on this one. My primary target for Buxton - none other than Jake Arrieta. And not for his pitching skills... For his BATTING skills! Did you see the tape measure HR he hit yesterday? He would be tied for the team lead in HRs! He also knows how to work a count. That bomb was on a 3-2 count and the 8th pitch of the at-bat. What players on the Twins do that?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PiZq1_gl86U

[ashbury]

Now that I've already hung up, is it too late to order a pizza?

 

If so, then I guess I'll ask another question. I saw on StubHub two Twins tickets for $40 each. Is that enough money for him to give me to take the tickets off his hands or should I hold out for more?

[Vanimal46]

 

Now that I've already hung up, is it too late to order a pizza?

 

If so, then I guess I'll ask another question. I saw on StubHub two Twins tickets for $40 each. Is that enough money for him to give me to take the tickets off his hands or should I hold out for more?

You may be able to order a pizza if you tip the Intern, err, I mean the delivery driver well! You should probably order multiple pizzas, because according to Google Maps, it's a 1,700 mile drive! The delivery driver's going to get hungry on the way.... 

That StubHub guy drives a tough bargain, but I'd hold out until he gives you $100 per ticket. What else is he going to do with them? Use them as scratch paper? It's too thin to use as toilet paper... Not much else you can do with them. 

[Loosey]

So, anyways I am back from the hospital after my radiator fluid induced coma.  What the heck happened while I was out?  0-7?  I haven't looked at the box scores but the only logical thing I can think of is the starters must be just awful and they are losing games by scores of like 10-9 and 13-12.  I mean with the juggernaut of a lineup they put together it can be the only explanation.  I'll hang up and listen while I go and look at the box scores to confirm my suspicions.

[Loosey]

 

So, anyways I am back from the hospital after my radiator fluid induced coma.  What the heck happened while I was out?  0-7?  I haven't looked at the box scores but the only logical thing I can think of is the starters must be just awful and they are losing games by scores of like 10-9 and 13-12.  I mean with the juggernaut of a lineup they put together it can be the only explanation.  I'll hang up and listen while I go and look at the box scores to confirm my suspicions.

I must still be delirious from the meds and the after effects of the radiator fluid because I checked out the box scores.  No team can actually strike out 79 times in 7 games.  OR the boxscores are wrong.  I think I'm going to call the Dr.

[Vanimal46]

 

So, anyways I am back from the hospital after my radiator fluid induced coma.  What the heck happened while I was out?  0-7?  I haven't looked at the box scores but the only logical thing I can think of is the starters must be just awful and they are losing games by scores of like 10-9 and 13-12.  I mean with the juggernaut of a lineup they put together it can be the only explanation.  I'll hang up and listen while I go and look at the box scores to confirm my suspicions.

Loosey! You're alive! If it makes you feel any better, I asked for someone to call the poison control hotline...  I think it was Chief that came to the rescue! 

SOO many things have changed since you fell into your coma 2 weeks ago. One, we decided to elect Curious George as our next President! There's also a new law that there must be 4 bananas present in your car at all times, otherwise you're subject to a $150k fine... Other than that, things are pretty normal. 

I hate to break it to you after going through such a traumatic event, but it's actually the offense that's no good! I know what you're thinking, Ricky Nolasco couldn't have pitched a good game.... But he DID! Unfortunately all of that home run derby practice in ST didn't translate to the regular season... Oh well. 

[mickeymental]

i'm kinda surprised we didn't see all those red giveaway hoodies worn backwards with eye holes cut in the hood, ala paper-bag protests. was this a missed show-those-darn-pohlads-who's-boss opportunity? or simply proper small-sample-size respect and restraint? (these are serious questions, so please don't just say "yes" or, for that matter, "no" ...)

[Vanimal46]

 

i'm kinda surprised we didn't see all those red giveaway hoodies worn backwards with eye holes cut in the hood, ala paper-bag protests. was this a missed show-those-darn-pohlads-who's-boss opportunity? or simply proper small-sample-size respect and restraint? (these are serious questions, so please don't just say "yes" or, for that matter, "no" ...)

Mickey! Welcome back to the show! You should know I answer every question in a serious, well thought out manner....   

To answer your question, that was a huge opportunity missed to show those darn pohlad's who's boss! I didn't get a chance to see the red hoodies they gave away... Were they nice? I can see people not ruining the sweatshirt immediately if they were a nice material. If not, certainly by tomorrow we could see fans in the crowd wearing paper bags... 

Just between you and me Mickey, I'd prefer to see fans at Target Field act like this guy in the video! 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FSfadN29kP8

[mickeymental]

thanks for thoughtful response and newsworthy vid. great to know that gov. christie has been spending his time wisely since leaving the trail.

[D. Hocking]

With the way the season is going, is Twins Daily giving you any extra bonus or hazard pay to maintain this thread?

[Vanimal46]

 

With the way the season is going, is Twins Daily giving you any extra bonus or hazard pay to maintain this thread?

You know, that's a great question Denny. My mom, ummm, I mean my agent was able to negotiate a deal that Brock would send me 2 bottles of whiskey a month, North would send me a bear skin rug, ChiTown would send me Giordano's pizza, Ash would make 2 $100 bets on red in Las Vegas, and Chief would take me skydiving once. I probably should have asked for real money though!! 

[zchrz]

Tin foil hat time.

 

Torii is gone so who is leading the victory dance parties now?  Dozier that's who.  Sano, Buxton, Park, Arcia, Santana, Rosario are probably not going to be big fans of doing the two step with Mr. Texas.  No country dance parties if you lose, no country dance parties in AAA.

 

Also it could be a power move by the NWO to soften Minnesota residents and break their spirit for the coming martial law.  2+0+1+6= 9 and 9 is 3x3 which is 3 3 3 which is code for 6 6 6!  Therefore Illuminati.

 

http://s23.postimg.org/dawovcvy3/Hidden_truth.png

[Vanimal46]

 

Tin foil hat time.

 

Torii is gone so who is leading the victory dance parties now?  Dozier that's who.  Sano, Buxton, Park, Arcia, Santana, Rosario are probably not going to be big fans of doing the two step with Mr. Texas.  No country dance parties if you lose, no country dance parties in AAA.

 

Also it could be a power move by the NWO to soften Minnesota residents and break their spirit for the coming martial law.  2+0+1+6= 9 and 9 is 3x3 which is 3 3 3 which is code for 6 6 6!  Therefore Illuminati.

 

http://s23.postimg.org/dawovcvy3/Hidden_truth.png

Zchrz, welcome to the show! How in the heck do I pronounce your name on the radio? I'm just going to say it really fast and mumbled so it appears like I know what I'm talking about. What a debut call, my friend! To answer your question about dance parties, are we sure that Dozier is the one running things? He's from Mississippi, remember. What is Mississippi known for? After a quick google search, they are known as the "Hospitality State"... So my assumption is Dozier plays a good host and let's others take over the dance parties. Perhaps it's MAUER who's leading dance parties! I'd imagine his dance moves look something like this... 

 

http://img.pandawhale.com/post-22933-Night-at-the-Roxbury-gif-iEdl.gif

 

 

Also, congratulations! You just blew everyone's minds with the ILLUMINATI reference. We should all know at this point the Illuminati is everywhere... But I didn't think it would be with our favorite ball club! Feel free to call in and provide any Illuminati updates throughout this season!  

[Mike Sixel]

Dude.....you want a good hitting SP? Liriano is outhitting all but 1 current Twin, maybe they should trade for him. He can pitch, too. Maybe DH for the other pitchers.....thoughts?

[Vanimal46]

 

Dude.....you want a good hitting SP? Liriano is outhitting all but 1 current Twin, maybe they should trade for him. He can pitch, too. Maybe DH for the other pitchers.....thoughts?

Thanks for the call, Mike. I had no idea Liriano was secretly Babe Ruth while he was on the Twins! Why did we not see this before?? I'd be more than happy to get Liriano back on this team to throw wicked sliders, and pencil him in the clean up spot on his days off! 

[zchrz]

 

Zchrz, welcome to the show! How in the heck do I pronounce your name on the radio? I'm just going to say it really fast and mumbled so it appears like I know what I'm talking about. What a debut call, my friend! To answer your question about dance parties, are we sure that Dozier is the one running things? He's from Mississippi, remember. What is Mississippi known for? After a quick google search, they are known as the "Hospitality State"... So my assumption is Dozier plays a good host and let's others take over the dance parties. Perhaps it's MAUER who's leading dance parties! I'd imagine his dance moves look something like this... 

 

http://img.pandawhale.com/post-22933-Night-at-the-Roxbury-gif-iEdl.gif

 

 

Also, congratulations! You just blew everyone's minds with the ILLUMINATI reference. We should all know at this point the Illuminati is everywhere... But I didn't think it would be with our favorite ball club! Feel free to call in and provide any Illuminati updates throughout this season!  

 

Ah Mississippi maybe hes more of a river dance kind of guy then, and no one can do that stuff.  If Mauer is leading them I imagine they are silent and without dancing, May is much more the Roxbury kind of fellow.

[ashbury]

Hey Van, any truth the rumor the Twins won't be serving beer from bottles at Target Field this season? I heard the team lost the Opener.

[Loosey]

The Twins have struck out zero times today!  They also didn't lose!  Trend or Mirage?  I'll hang up and listen.

[Vanimal46]

 

Hey Van, any truth the rumor the Twins won't be serving beer from bottles at Target Field this season? I heard the team lost the Opener.

If they don't serve beer from bottles, what are they going to serve it out of? Plastic cups? What is this, communist Russia? I DEMAND bottles at my ballpark... Best uses for beer bottles, ranked:

 

- Playing spin the bottle with everyone in your section
- Blowing into it to make music during down times
- Rolling it down the stairs to see how far it goes
- Walking into oncoming traffic
- Using the bottle as a weapon

 

Remember, friends don't let friends use bottles as weapons. 

[Vanimal46]

 

The Twins have struck out zero times today!  They also didn't lose!  Trend or Mirage?  I'll hang up and listen.

I think you may be onto something Loosey! But some people on here will scream SSS!!! So let's spread it out to 2 days.. 

Their strikeouts a game now decreased to 3.5! And their ERA is down to 1! Why are we so upset? These are WS type numbers here!! 

[diehardtwinsfan]

Any truth to the conspiracy that the Twins are trying to go 0-162 to get the first overall pick?

[Loosey]

 

I think you may be onto something Loosey! But some people on here will scream SSS!!! So let's spread it out to 2 days.. 

Their strikeouts a game now decreased to 3.5! And their ERA is down to 1! Why are we so upset? These are WS type numbers here!! 

But Runs Scored Per game did drop to 1.6 from 1.9. . . .