New Twins Hitting Coach, The Borg, Has Hitters Assimilating to His Program

[Nick Nelson]

"Resistance is futile," droned the cybernetic overlord as he observed Ryan Jeffers and Willi Castro toiling in their batting cubes.

Image courtesy of Brock Beauchamp, Twins Daily

In an effort to distance themselves from a culture that some felt had become too lax and individualized, the Minnesota Twins hired as their new hitting coach Matt Borgschulte, better known in Federation circles as "The Borg." Already this spring, the new instructor has fostered a sense of togetherness by assimilating a majority of Twins hitters into his cybernetic collective. 

Setting aside traditional technology like Rapsodo and Trajekt, The Borg opts instead to leverage microscopic self-replicating machines he calls "nanoprobes," which rewrite the biology of a hitter by integrating robotic components and gradually connecting them to a central hive mind.

"We're pretty excited about it," remarked Rocco Baldelli in his office on Friday, adorned with a conspicuous new glowing red oculus implant. "Borg is all about achieving perfection at the plate. We've been needing this kind of discipline around here."

Enthusiasm has been noticeable among Twins players, many of whom have been seen at camp with metallic prosthetics, wires, circuits and tubes engrafted into their arms and legs – a sure sign of the tech-forward approach being championed by the team under The Borg.

"He's really teaching us to have a symbiotic relationship," said utilityman Austin Martin after emerging from his wall-mounted recharging alcove in the Twins clubhouse. "We're a collective. We have to think about that at all times. And only that. Literally nothing else."

Last year, Twins hitters frequently prepared for games on their own, spending time swinging in the cages in solitude. The Borg's leadership represents a radical departure from this norm, with all players being assimilated into a single shared consciousness. 

This new approach has downsides, such as deprivation of free will and individuality, but also offers key advantages on the field. The Twins believe they'll have an edge when it comes to adapting to the weapons used by opposing pitchers.

Rapidly exerting his influence on all aspects of team culture, The Borg is a man of great authority, if few words. "Resistance is futile," droned the cybernetic overlord as he observed Ryan Jeffers and Willi Castro toiling in their batting cubes on Saturday morning.  

Although The Borg said he's only been able to meet with 7 of 9 members of the starting lineup thus far, he hopes to have them all acclimated and assimilated into his program by star date 76945.2.

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[USAFChief]

"...many of whom have been seen at camp with metallic prosthetics, wires, circuits and tubes engrafted into their arms and legs" – 

 

Tubes?

TUBES??!?

 

Frickin cheap Pohlads. Tubes are so 1960s. What, did we get this equipment at a yard sale??

[IndianaTwin]

1 hour ago, USAFChief said:

"...many of whom have been seen at camp with metallic prosthetics, wires, circuits and tubes engrafted into their arms and legs" – 

 

Tubes?

TUBES??!?

 

Frickin cheap Pohlads. Tubes are so 1960s. What, did we get this equipment at a yard sale??

I'm pretty sure their veins have been upgraded to use plasma.

[jrod23]

[Danchat]

Now we got Nick doing satire? Soon Twins Daily will be 100% satire... RandBalls Stu's takeover continues!

[Rod Carews Birthday]

This new team may lack personality, but at least they will hit!

[Parfigliano]

4 minutes ago, Danchat said:

Now we got Nick doing satire? Soon Twins Daily will be 100% satire... RandBalls Stu's takeover continues!

Interesting.  Much like The Borg.

[BobAzar]

[Brett]

Nick, any rumors about trading some of our young hitters for Locutus? We could use a real clubhouse presence like that.

[Nick Nelson]

1 hour ago, Brett said:

Nick, any rumors about trading some of our young hitters for Locutus? We could use a real clubhouse presence like that.

It is inevitable.

[TFRazor]

3 hours ago, IndianaTwin said:

I'm pretty sure their veins have been upgraded to use plasma.

If it keeps the whole team healthy all season, I'm here for it

[ashbury]

Don't test my patience with this new-fangled NextGen Borg stuff.  I'm old school  Give me Mirror Universe Puckett with the beard every time.

[Joe A. Preusser]

At the risk of taking this to mega, MEGA geek level, I humbly submit that the Yankees should be designated as Species 8472.

 

[Joe A. Preusser]

8 hours ago, IndianaTwin said:

I'm pretty sure their veins have been upgraded to use plasma.

Isn't plasma on the list of banned PEDs?  I always thought it was an anti-inflammatory diuretic.