Rocco Baldelli Hater Preps Derisive Nickname for New Manager

[RandBalls Stu]

Image courtesy of Flickr/Gary Todd

When the Minnesota Twins relieved Rocco Baldelli of his managerial duties this week, the reaction was what you’d expect. While the Twins had missed the playoffs in four of the last five years, no reasonable observer could entirely blame Baldelli for ownership’s payroll malfeasance and the lack of player development or roster depth.

Gregg G. Milbank is not a reasonable observer.

“If Rockhead doesn’t have such a quick hook, maybe they make the playoffs the last two years. Let the pitchers pitch. Good riddance, I say.”

Milbank, 34, claims to have created the “Rockhead” nickname for Baldelli, going so far as to file a copyright for it. He says that despite the patent office laughing and pointing at him when he made the request, he’s “pretty confident” it led to a series of romantic encounters and lucrative job opportunities.

(Friends dispute Milbank’s assertion, saying that he lives alone with his cat, Pierzynski, and makes his living selling bootleg Labubus outside of South Dakota Dollar General stores.)

With a new manager in the offing, Milbank is already gearing up for a short, sharp nickname to mock any potential hire.

“I heard they might try to get (former Twins coach) James Rowson back from the Yankees,” said Milbank, carefully arranging the faux Labubus in the trunk of his Honda Civic. “There’s not a lot to work with there, but I think ‘Blowson’ might have legs. Look at Blowson blow another game because he blows. Could be something?”

Milbank says he has a spreadsheet with all the potential candidates’ names and potential slurs, except for one.

“Toby Gardenhire is an American hero,” said Milbank of the St. Paul Saints manager, stroking Pierzynski’s fur while emitting a substantial vape plume. “If they hire him, he has my 100 percent buy-in. Anyone slanders any Gardenhire in my presence, we’re gonna tangle.”

Milbank, whose full name is Greggory Gregory Milbank, said he is happy to discuss Minnesota’s plan at manager with anyone this weekend outside the Flandreau Dollar General.

“I’m in the Dollar General parking lot on weekends to do two things: Talk Twins and sell these authentic-looking Labubus,” Milbank said, putting his intricate vape rig down. “And I’m almost out of authentic-looking Labubus."

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[sampleSizeOfOne]

7 minutes ago, RandBalls Stu said:

“I’m in the Dollar General parking lot on weekends to do two things: Talk Twins and sell these authentic-looking Labubus,” Milbank said, putting his intricate vape rig down. “And I’m almost out of authentic-looking Labubus."

I love the smell of "They Live" quotes in the morning!

 

(hold on a moment while i google Labubus)

[Cory Engelhardt]

4 minutes ago, sampleSizeOfOne said:

I love the smell of "They Live" quotes in the morning!

 

(hold on a moment while i google Labubus)

I also caught the reference, and also had to google what a Labubu is. 

[Greggory Masterson]

Finally a Gregg with 5 Gs

[sampleSizeOfOne]

1 hour ago, Greggory Masterson said:

Finally a Gregg with 5 Gs

Wonder what kind of signal he gets...

[Original_JB]

****NO POLITICAL OPINION*****

Just a "THEY LIVE" reference

 

[DJL44]

Totally unrealistic that someone as young as 34 would be interested in the Twins.

[RandBalls Stu]

5 hours ago, Greggory Masterson said:

Finally a Gregg with 5 Gs

it was cut for space, but all the "G"s in Milbank's name are soft Gs.

[Permanent Twins Fan]

2 hours ago, RandBalls Stu said:

it was cut for space, but all the "G"s in Milbank's name are soft Gs.

I'm trying to figure out how that is pronounced. Jrejory?

[Greggory Masterson]

2 hours ago, Permanent Twins Fan said:

I'm trying to figure out how that is pronounced. Jrejory?

Jrejjory*. You have to make sure to pronounce all 3 Gs

[Bodie]

Hmm, I called him Rocchead and my post got deleted...

Guess that he's now unemployed makes it funny!

[ashbury]

3 hours ago, Bodie said:

Hmm, I called him Rocchead and my post got deleted...

Guess that he's now unemployed makes it funny!

Hmm, when I read something labeled as Satire, and I recognize myself in it, usually I keep that information to myself.  😀

[the_brute_squad]

I too called him Rockhead. So when I saw this article I was hoping it was going to be funny. A nice try at Babylon Bee/Onion, but it fell short.

[gman]

There is a very ugly face in the middle of this article that needs to be removed.

[USAFChief]

19 hours ago, Greggory Masterson said:

Jrejjory*. You have to make sure to pronounce all 3 Gs

And the accent is on the second syllable.

Jrej JOR ee

 

 

[Joe A. Preusser]

It's really too bad.  Booby Gardenhire has a kinda nice ring to it.

[Richie the Rally Goat]

17 hours ago, USAFChief said:

And the accent is on the second syllable.

Jrej JOR ee

 

 

[Squirrel]

On 10/4/2025 at 1:08 AM, ashbury said:

Hmm, when I read something labeled as Satire, and I recognize myself in it, usually I keep that information to myself.  😀

Yes, well, some things are just beyond some poster’s intellectual capacity. You said it nicer … I’m stating it plainly.

[sampleSizeOfOne]

You mean "rockhead" isn't just a head cold version of the "woonsockhead rockead"?

I thought all Greggory and his ilk needed was a kleenex...

[sampleSizeOfOne]

On 10/4/2025 at 3:54 PM, USAFChief said:

And the accent is on the second syllable.

Jrej JOR ee

 

 

Oh, do you know him?