More Like Worst Ballot Hall of Famer

[RandBalls Stu]

An op-ed about the latest news from Cooperstown by classic North Metro ignoramus Tom Hanson.

Image courtesy of © Jesse Johnson-USA TODAY Sports

(Note: This piece from Anoka resident Tom Hanson has been edited for clarity, punctuation, and to remove potentially actionable threats against the President, Minnesota Governor Tim Walz, and the National Weather Service.)

I bet a lot of you are happy that Joe Mauer got into the Hall of Fame on the first ballot. Congratulations…not! Excellent job on being a useful idiot for The Deep State, losers.

I’ve written at length on why Joe Mauer is a Worst Ballot Hall of Famer. No need to rehash all the reasons here, but anyone who isn’t biased by the public record knows the truth. Patriots like Curt Schilling and Omar Vizquel are left in the cold, while the $23-million double play machine gets to hang out in Cooperstown. Much like 9/11, this inside job distracts us from the real enemy: Statistics.

Anyone who has dealt with lawyers, ex-wives, and the lawyers representing his ex-wives can tell you, statistics can be used for almost anything, none of it good. And when a God-fearing American says that Kim’s request for child support doesn’t pass the critical eye test, the activist judge tells you to quiet down, pull out your checkbook, and put your shirt back on.

Fortunately, it’s not too late.

Now, you might say that the votes are in and tabulated, it’s a done deal, Tom. Hogwash. As any lover of freedom knows, only certain votes should be counted. For example: If Mike Pence hadn’t been afraid to do the right thing, I can tell you right now that gas would be $1.29 a gallon and Joe Mauer would be in jail for defrauding season-ticket holders.

What needs to happen, then? Simple. Throw out the corrupt DEI ballots with Joe Mauer on them. Tally the correct ballots. There’s your class of 2024. Even if a showboating hothead like Adrián Beltré gets in, gamers and grinders like Billy Wagner, Mark Buehrle, David Wright, and Todd Helton, real lunch-pail guys, stand a chance.

You may think that’s easier said than done, but unlike Mauer, I’m not afraid of a little hard work. If enough of my fellow patriots join me in Cooperstown on July 21st, we can make our voices heard.

Unless that battle-axe Kim makes me watch my rowdy stepson Kody that weekend because “he needs a dad in his life.” The faceless bureaucrats at his middle school say the same thing after every time he makes another bomb threat. Sick of this.

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[Cory Engelhardt]

At minimum, it’s good that the alleged bomb threats also weren’t bi-lateral in nature. Maybe that would make them too woke.

[nclahammer]

My coffee literally shot through my nostrils.  Oh' I so needed this!  Thank you.

[nclahammer]

14 minutes ago, Cory Engelhardt said:

At minimum, it’s good that the alleged bomb threats also weren’t bi-lateral in nature. Maybe that would make them too woke also 

Oh I'm sure they'll all be peaceful tourists walking around Cooperstown on July 21.

[DJL44]

I really wish fewer of my neighbors sounded exactly like Tom Hanson. Stu has his finger on the pulse of the North Metro Ignoramus.

[ashbury]

I somehow feel as though the target of this satire maybe isn't actually Joe Mauer at all.

[Dave The Dastardly]

Any truth to the rumor Hanson works at the pillow factory? Guy must be a real snoozer...

[USAFChief]

On 1/26/2024 at 12:41 PM, ashbury said:

I somehow feel as though the target of this satire maybe isn't actually Joe Mauer at all.

Tell us you're a commie without telling us you're a commie, commie.

[ashbury]

1 hour ago, USAFChief said:

Tell us you're a commie without telling us you're a commie, commie.

Oh, you figured out our secret decoder ring, didn't you, Comrade?

[sampleSizeOfOne]

11 hours ago, ashbury said:

Oh, you figured out our secret decoder ring, didn't you, Comrade?

I never got the decoder ring.

[sampleSizeOfOne]

On 1/26/2024 at 6:24 AM, RandBalls Stu said:

has been edited for clarity, punctuation, and to remove potentially actionable threats against the President, Minnesota Governor Tim Walz, and the National Weather Service.

What can anyone have against the weather service?

 

PS. Edited for punctuation?!

What, does Tom Hanson feel as strongly about the Oxford Comma as he does about a certain rising hall of famer?

 

Edited January 28, 2024 by sampleSizeOfOne
Not worth making a whole new post to add another question