Miracles Performed by Royce Lewis

[RandBalls Stu]

A partial list.

Image courtesy of © Jesse Johnson-USA TODAY Sports

File this away for his future canonization campaign--and let's hope that's the next time he becomes a Saint. 

• Broke a 20-year playoff victory drought.
• Displayed competence in Yankee Stadium.
• Executed perfect zipper merge in rush hour traffic at the 94/494/694 interchange in Maple Grove. Even gave a little wave to other motorists.
• Turned water into refreshing Gatorade.
• Tamed a feral TC Bear with the power of song, saving the life of a terrified Steven Okert.
• Tamed a feral White Sox fan with the power of song, turning her into a productive member of polite society with a job and a 401(k).
• Missed Paul Skenes in the rotation this weekend.
• Found a Twins baseball game on cable television.
• Convinced his other friends in the group chat not to bully the one friend who is an Android user.
• Went to Target and purchased exactly what he needed and nothing more.
• Folded a fitted sheet and a duvet cover without swearing or starting over.
• Had a conversation with my dad that didn’t mention the Minnesota Vikings or the weather.
• Tried CrossFit, enjoyed it, but didn’t make it his whole personality.
• Same thing with vegan food, IPAs, Stanley tumblers, and distance running.
• Gets hurt nearly as much as Byron Buxton but doesn’t have every insurrection uncle in Lino Lakes mad at him for being soft.
• Rather than cutting a piece off and leaving an even smaller piece, finished the last donut in the box in the office kitchen.
• Doesn’t get weird about the WNBA, Caitlin Clark, and hard fouls.
• Turned Jurassic Park into a safe, profitable, family-friendly resort with zero security hiccups.
• Finds value in both statistical analysis and more traditional scouting.
• Can name all the Prime (Twins Player Last Name) accounts on Twitter and rank them on a scale from Weirdest to Still Weird but Less Troubled.
• As foretold by the Bene Gesserit, Royce is the Lisan al Gaib, the Kwisatz Haderach, the last Duke of House Atreides, our last, best hope in the epochal war versus House Harkonnen and/or the Cleveland Guardians.

Tell the Pope to stay close to his saint-making thingy. (Though let's wait and see how Jurassic Park plays out over a slightly longer timeframe first.)

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[Fatbat]

*he even plays baseball the right way….

[Twins63]

Not a Catholic, but as a Lutheran we would have to make a bust of Royce out of lutefisk to serve at the church lutefisk supper and smorgasbord every year.

[Dave The Dastardly]

"Tell the Pope to stay close to his saint-making thingy."

You mean he's the guy who determines which former Savior has to be reassigned to the St.Paul Saints? I mean I always suspected a computer or maybe somebody divine, like a TD poster, made that decision, but the Pope? Didn't even know he was a baseball fan.

[Riverbrian]

Brilliant!!! 

[Fire Dan Gladden]

Any chance he could be a two-way player like Ohtani and start pitching?

[DJL44]

I bet he can use one of those two lane roundabouts without getting into an accident.

[Craig Arko]

Pretty sure he’s actually Chuck Norris in disguise. 

[Bodie]

C'mon...

Ain't nobody nowhere ever been both a "productive member of society" and a White Sox fan.

The number simply with jobs can be counted on one hand!