Reaction Column for Anything That Happened with Carlos Correa Overnight

[RandBalls Stu]

How do you write about something that hasn’t happened yet but might take place while you’re snoozing? Simple. You cover every possible angle for the reader to enjoy first thing Friday morning. That’s the Twins Daily promise.

Image courtesy of Unsplash/Boris Smokrovic

 

IF CORREA SIGNED WITH THE TWINS:

Yesssssssssssssssssssssssssss. Yes. Yes. I told you, I told you, and I know I told you. Now let’s get a catcher and some more pitching. If I had a football I’d spike it.

If CORREA SIGNED ELSEWHERE:

Well. That sucks. Huh. Can Royce Lewis get healthy faster? What time do the Vikings play on Sunday? I’m not crying. You’re crying. Shut up.

IF CORREA REMAINS UNSIGNED:

OK. Well, I’m just going to keep refreshing Twitter obsessively. I wonder if anyone in my friend circle has Jeff Passan’s number. I bet he wouldn’t mind if I just shot him a quick text to ask what he’s really hearing, not that sanitized stuff he shares on ESPN. Come on, Jeff. Just tell me that Carlos Correa is coming home. Tell me, Jeff. Now, Jeff. Now.

IF CORREA PULLED A REVERSE MICHAEL JORDAN AND TAKES UP BASKETBALL:

I mean, when you can join the Sioux Falls Skyforce, why wouldn’t you? No state income tax, easy access to Brookings. Done and dusted.

IF CORREA RETIRED TO PURSUE HIS TRUE PASSION, BIRD WATCHING:

I’ve never trusted birds. Shifty eyes, beaks, always up to something. That said, I guess that’s OK? He doesn’t need the money, and I guess if I could just quit my job and follow my dream of writing the first ska musical about Alexander Hamilton, I’d do it too.

IF MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL WENT INSOLVENT AND FOLDED:

I guess we can’t lose to the Yankees anymore.

We can’t, right? Because this sucks already. I don’t need this.

Image license here.

 

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[mikelink45]

I am ready to guide his bird watching career!  But no Orioles, Blue Jays or Cardinals!

[wsnydes]

To be clear, one of these scenarios has already happened in the future!  That's exciting!

[Greggory Masterson]

Schrödinger's Correa 

[pulaskismcleod]

Birds aren't real 

[Dave The Dastardly]

How desperate we are. We have yet to plumb the depths of Old Man Winter, spring training is but a bright spark on the horizon and yet we yearn for the New Messiah, who also happens to be the Old Messiah, to sign with invisible ink on the dotted line and lead us to the Promised Land, which we haven't seen for 40 years.

Pathetic. But then we are Twins fans, accustomed to riding plodding camels with the Three Kings; Disillusionment, Disappointment and Diatribe, leading the way.

If only we could find the damn stable!

Merry Christmas!

 

[DocBauer]

7 hours ago, Greggory Masterson said:

Schrödinger's Correa 

BRILLIANT!!

[Longdistancetwins]

8 hours ago, Dave The Dastardly said:

How desperate we are. We have yet to plumb the depths of Old Man Winter, spring training is but a bright spark on the horizon and yet we yearn for the New Messiah, who also happens to be the Old Messiah, to sign with invisible ink on the dotted line and lead us to the Promised Land, which we haven't seen for 40 years.

 

40 Years?  Let’s keep out the Biblical analogies.  It makes it worse than it is.  

[sampleSizeOfOne]

12 hours ago, mikelink45 said:

I am ready to guide his bird watching career!  But no Orioles, Blue Jays or Cardinals!

What about ravens?

 

Over many a quant and curious volume of forgotten lore?

[sampleSizeOfOne]

9 hours ago, Dave The Dastardly said:

Promised Land, which we haven't seen for 40 years.

Point of information?

'91 was only 30 years ago... Well, 31 if you are into splitting hairs.

[sampleSizeOfOne]

19 hours ago, Longdistancetwins said:

40 Years?  Let’s keep out the Biblical analogies.  It makes it worse than it is.  

What's wrong with biblical analogies? From Moses to Sandy Koufax: 3,000 years of beautiful tradition....

 

(and i suppose we shouldn't bring up 'Nam either?)

 

Is there Ralph's anywhere round here?

Edited December 10, 2022 by sampleSizeOfOne
typo... positive it was a typo.