Joe Mauer's Minnesota State Fair Advice

[RandBalls Stu]

An op-ed from Hall of Famer Joe Mauer about the Great Minnesota Get-Together.

Image courtesy of Flickr/yuan2003

Hey guys, Joe Mauer here. Just wanted to take a little time to chat with you all about the Minnesota State Fair.

I’ve been going to the Fair since I was a little kid, and I love it! It’s a pretty big deal and it's super fun. That said, you do have to watch yourself sometimes.

I’m talking, of course, about the All-You-Can-Drink Milk.

You all know I’m a pretty big fan of the Big White. Give me a cold glass of 2% every day of the week and twice on Sunday, brother. And you’re telling me there’s an unlimited supply of it at the Fair? Where do I sign up? Mom told me when she was a kid, it was all-you-can-drink for a dime! Can you even imagine?

So when I was a kid, I thought I could step up to the plate (get it? lmbo) and drink milk all day long. I used my allowance money and bellied up. Those first few glasses were everything you could want. Cold. White. 2%. No skim, no whole (I wasn’t even 21 yet), just the good stuff. What harm could a few more do?

But then my brother wanted to go on the Giant Slide, so I did. After six glasses of milk. On a 90-degree day.

I don’t want to be gross, but my stomach was not happy. I think my barf got to the bottom of the slide before I even did. Mom was so steamed. We went straight home. No more milk for me that day.

Even since then, I’ve set up some simple guidelines to follow. Maybe you can use these, too:

*All-You-Can-Drink is More Than You Think.

*Don’t Turn the Giant Slide Into a Giant Mess.

*My Brother Jake Is a Turkey Sometimes.

Anyway, hope you guys have fun at the Fair. Check ya later.

Image license here.

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[BobAzar]

that was pretty neat.

[CRF]

The all you can drink milk at the fair is $3 bucks now. Pretty spendy just to drink yourself to a bad belly ache.  I'm old enough to remember when it was 25 cents. 

[USAFChief]

"lmbo" is some pretty nifty writing.  

I did, BTW.

[jimbo92107]

I think the artic cold milk was 25 cents when I was a kid. I definitely drank enough to feel sick, but unlike Joe, I didn't immediately head for the Giant Slide. I think one of my brothers did barf on the Tilt o Whirl, but not from the milk. Might have been Proto Pups and a giant lemonade. Barfing at the Fair is almost as traditional as the Fair itself. 

Hey, what a good name for a coffee table book, "Barfing at the Fair." Lotsa big, glossy photos!

[RpR]

1 hour ago, CRF said:

The all you can drink milk at the fair is $3 bucks now. Pretty spendy just to drink yourself to a bad belly ache.  I'm old enough to remember when it was 25 cents. 

I too remember the 25 cents price; they did that also at the McLeod County fair.

I wonder if that was jus a Minn. thing or other states did it also.

[big dog]

Agreed on "lmbo". That was hilarious.

We had this at the St Croix County fair (Glenwood City, WI) back in the mid- to late 70s. I think it was a quarter for all the white milk you could drink. Chocolate milk was a quarter for a glass. The amount of milk I drank there during high school was impressive.

[DJL44]

Surprised no mention of the Chevy trucks on Machinery Hill.

[Riverbrian]

When I was in high school. I took a girl on a date to the county fair. 

While on the tilt-o-whirl in motion. I threw up. 

Like a gentlemen I turned my head to the side... but chose the wrong direction. 

For those still with the story and those who wish to hear the details. 

Here was the result of the rest of my date. 

The tossed cookies stuck to the side of the tilt-o-whirl and then proceeded to slide (while remaining stuck to the side) toward my date. It happened in kind of slow motion. She could see it coming toward her but could not move to escape it. Some of it actually crawled across her and kept going. The horror was evident in her eyes. She let a different type of scream from the normal on a tilt-o-whirl scream. 

Surprising enough... the date was over at that point. Who knew that girls don't like getting thrown up on. I know that now and try not to do that ever again. 

She went home to change. There was not a second date. 

 

[USAFChief]

1 minute ago, Riverbrian said:

When I was in high school. I took a girl on a date to the county fair. 

While on the tilt-o-whirl in motion. I threw up. 

Like a gentlemen I turned my head to the side... but chose the wrong direction. 

For those still with the story and those who wish to hear the details. 

Here was the result of the rest of my date. 

The tossed cookies stuck to the side of the tilt-o-whirl and then proceeded to slide (while remaining stuck to the side) toward my date. It happened in kind of slow motion. She could see it coming toward her but could not move to escape it. Some of it actually crawled across her and kept going. The horror was evident in her eyes. She let a different type of scream from the normal on a tilt-o-whirl scream. 

Surprising enough... the date was over at that point. Who knew that girls don't like getting thrown up on. I know that now and try not to do that ever again. 

She went home to change. There was not a second date. 

 

I had the opposite experience. A good friend dared me to ride one of those spinning bullet rides that go around like a ferris wheel. Just two cars, one on each end of a long pole. Caged in. No way out. Round and round, spinning rapidly at the same time. 

My friend lost his cookies about half way through the first rotation. It all stayed in the car, in a space the size of the front seat of a prius. Buckled in. For about 2 minutes worth of ride.

For some reason I've never forgotten that.

[ashbury]

1 hour ago, Riverbrian said:

She went home to change. There was not a second date.

I have a remarkably similar tale to tell.  The main difference is that the woman in my story married me.

[ashbury]

6 hours ago, USAFChief said:

For some reason I've never forgotten that.

Have you ever let your friend forget, either?