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Your Dad Set to Absolutely Butcher Names of New Twins

Minnesota’s recent free agent spending spree presents the team’s fanbase with hope for the 2021 season. For Your Dad, it offers new frontiers in mispronunciation.The addition of Andrelton Simmons, Alex Colomé, and Hansel Robles heightened the 2021 expectations of many Twins fans. Your Dad, who called Brad Radke "Bill Rapke" for the duration of the pitcher's career, is confident as well.


"Boy, that Anderson Simmons can really pick it," he said in a recent text.


Sources close to Your Family confirmed on Thursday that Your Dad is thrilled with the signings and is nowhere close to getting any of their names right.


"He got done watching the 6:00 news, looked at his flip phone, and asked me if Aaron Columbo was going to take Terry Rogers' job," said Your Brother, who is still living at home and attempting to make it as a day trader. "I tried to tell him that my AMC stock is on a rocket to the moon but he just looked at me like I was crazy."


Your Brother confirmed that Your Dad got the newly re-signed Nelson Cruz's name dead on, but showed less exactitude elsewhere.


"He kept saying how much he was going to miss Stevie," said Your Brother, who goes by the handle ThiccBrokerBoi on Reddit and should probably reduce his screen time. "I told him the Twins didn't have a Stevie last year. Then he started talking about his crazy beard and frisbee slider and I told him he meant Sergio Romo. He just said, ‘Yeah, Stevie! Loved that guy.’"


Your Stepmom said Your Dad is primed for Spring Training.


"He said he was listening to the Meatman on KFAN and that he was predicting another division title," said Your Stepmom. "He said Gelman and the Gooch thought so too. He's pretty pumped up."


In a follow-up text, Your Dad allowed that, while he was upbeat about the acquisitions, he still would like them to add another pitcher. He also asked if you'd heard that the Vikings wanted to trade Kurt Cousins for Jimmy Garofalo.


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I would like to use this space for us to discuss our Dads' greatest sports mispronunciations of all time. I'll go first: My dad called former Vikings quarterback Rich Gannon "Steve Gannon" for his entire career, because of former WCCO drive-time host Steve Cannon.

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I'm trying to figure out if this article is directed at me and my dad or my kids... Fully admitting I have recently learned that I frequently mispronounced many names. F$@!#, it's about me

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I was a sports copy editor for a SoCal newspaper many years ago, and a columnist referred to Angels closer Troy Percival as Max Pervical. That became the running joke in the sports department every time he came in to close a game. "Here comes Max!"

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