Game Thread: Twins @ Angels, 6/2/17 @ 9:07pm CT

[Dave The Dastardly]

 

   “Well I’ve never been to Heaven... but I’ve been to Oklahoma...”

 

   Apologies to Three Dog Night, but that could be me. I’ve been to Oklahoma lots of times but my chances of eventually being in Heaven are like the old baseball adage, “slim and none”. I’ve never been to LA either. In fact I’ve never set foot, or any other part of me, in California. At least not that I remember.

 

   Three dog night - that’s how the Aussies post the weather forecast Down Under. Apparently they judge how cold it’s going to be by how many dogs you have to sleep with in order to stay warm. Quaint. Though with the price of dog food today, it might be cheaper to buy some thermometers. Or an electric blanket.

 

   I’ve slept with a few dogs in my life. Take that as you will, but keep in mind I live in Minnesota. A state that put the capital “C” in cold. Just ask Omaha. And the reality is there aren’t enough sled dogs in the state to keep us all warm.

 

   Anyway, our oft-beloved and occasionally-maligned Twins are out in La-La Land for today’s game. That means the equipment manager didn’t have to pack the fur-lined cups the players wear for outdoor baseball in Minnesota. They packed speedos instead. Which causes me to point out that one of the items near the top of my “List Of Things I Don’t Ever Want To See” is Sano in a speedo. So I’ll catch this game on the radio in case the Big One hits and the players’ uniforms start shaking off. In that event it would be a “Whole Lot of Shakin’ Going On” for Sano.  

  

   Now I have to apologize to Jerry Lee Lewis. Probably to Sano also. But I have gone through life on my knees, groveling, begging forgiveness. So I’m quite accustomed to apologizing. No big deal.

 

   But here’s hoping Sano gets a Big Hit out there in La-La Land instead of getting hit by the Big One.

 

   Which reminds me...

 

 

   I owned a 1976 Chevy pickup way back in... well, the 70’s. GM used Chinese steel to build that particular model and Chinese steel had a little problem; it rusted rapidly. Which meant I had a major problem; my truck came down with leprosy. It ran like a clock, but the hands kept falling off. By the time the decade rolled into the 80’s there wasn’t much left of the truck body, but on the plus side my miles per gallon kept increasing.

 

   My brother and I, both gainfully unemployed at the time, which is a diplomatic way of saying we’d both been dismissed with prejudice from our respective jobs, which is a nice way of saying we’d been rendered the proverbial boot in the gluteus maximus, were painting houses to supplement our unemployment checks. Which income of course we didn’t report lest we lose out on the government dole (don’t worry, we’re way past the statute of limitations on that one). Anyway, we’d drafted the Leper Truck into our larcenous venture for hauling ladders, paint cans, various and sundry brushes, tarps, empty Mountain Dew cans, bags of sunflower seeds and the occasional useful tool to and from job sites.

 

   A couple weeks into the painting game we’d grown accustomed to having a paint can, a brush or two, and the occasional tool “disappearing” from the holey (no, not that kind of holy) truck bed while slowly driving to work in the morning, or racing home from work at the end of the day. As long as the ladders didn’t fall through the truck bed we figured another day without the necessary tools was like a day without sunshine; which in the painting business means you didn’t have to work.

 

   Then one fine morning while bumping across the railroad tracks on our way to a job, the Big One hit the Leper Truck and a mysterious two-foot hole suddenly appeared in the cab floor and my brother’s feet that had been resting comfortably on fast-food bags, used sunflower seeds and paint rags were suddenly dangling in mid-air. This was no small feet (little play on words there) as Brother Jim wears the same size bib-overalls as Sano.

 

   Addressing the situation with our usual aplomb, we exchanged a Whiskey Tango Foxtrot glance, then unceremoniously began spitting our morning breakfast of sunflower seeds directly through the Mysterious Hole to the passing pavement below, thus eliminating the middle man.

 

   It seemed we had solved the problem of occasionally cleaning out the truck.

 

   However the newly ventilated truck cab did prove rather, shall we say breezy, on cold (remember this is Minnesota) mornings, thus overwhelming the heater whose blower fan had ingloriously passed away from exhaustion the previous winter. Our usual morning shivering-with-dread was now enhanced to near palsy state by the even lower temperatures inside the Leper Truck, which didn’t inspire our clients as we wobbled up thirty-foot ladders, paint cans in hand.

 

   On one particular unseasonably cold morning Brother Jim, whose dangling feet were bearing the brunt of the unwanted breeze, in a demonstration of the sort of resourcefulness that has plagued our family for generations, grabbed up his “clean” (read that as not yet spattered with fresh paint) cast-off jeans from his duffle and stuffed them into the Mysterious Hole.

 

   Problem solved.

 

   It was only later when it was time to change from our freshly paint-splattered clothing into our “clean” clothes did we notice that Brother Jim’s “clean” cast-off jeans that he’d shoved into the Mysterious Hole were no longer traveling with us. They’d bailed out as it were. Probably somewhere over Normandy.

 

   Which caused Brother Jim to ride home in his underwear, his, uh, equipment flapping in the breeze howling in through the unplugged Mysterious Hole. Which mental picture brings me back to the dizzying vision of Sano in a speedo and finally, you breathe with a sigh of relief, to reaching a denouement, a climax if you will (no nexus to the earlier statement regarding sleeping with dogs) culminating in Lesson #213 From the Dastard’s Book of the Painfully Obvious: You can’t permanently plug a hole with cast-offs.

 

   Not entirely coincidentally, the offered lesson applies as well to bull pens as it does to leperous trucks.

 

   Tonight’s Line-Ups To Be Posted As Soon As Molly Wakes Up

[Vanimal46]

Excellent intro! 

[Blake]

And the debut was outstanding! 

 

Good job, Dave.

 

As a side note: I'd like to claim your truck was really unique, but, the sad reality is that it was one of a crowd of leprous vehicles rolling down MN roads of yesteryear.

[Craig Arko]

LA = Shambala

 

 

 

Edit - I should say Anaheim; LA is a bottomless pit.

 

Anaheim at least has Disney.

[Mike Sixel]

Wow! what an intro!

 

I think Oklahoma is one of 4 states I have not visited, btw. I think.

[Squirrel]

Wow! what an intro!

 

I think Oklahoma is one of 4 states I have not visited, btw. I think.

Does driving through count as visiting?

[Vanimal46]

 

Wow! what an intro!

 

I think Oklahoma is one of 4 states I have not visited, btw. I think.

 

Unless you're fascinated with oil drills, you're not missing out on much. 

[Mike Sixel]

 

Does driving through count as visiting?

 

Not for me.

[Bark's Lounge]

 

   “Well I’ve never been to Heaven... but I’ve been to Oklahoma...”

 

   Apologies to Three Dog Night, but that could be me. I’ve been to Oklahoma lots of times but my chances of eventually being in Heaven are like the old baseball adage, “slim and none”. I’ve never been to LA either. In fact I’ve never set foot, or any other part of me, in California. At least not that I remember.

 

   Three dog night - that’s how the Aussies post the weather forecast Down Under. Apparently they judge how cold it’s going to be by how many dogs you have to sleep with in order to stay warm. Quaint. Though with the price of dog food today, it might be cheaper to buy some thermometers. Or an electric blanket.

 

   I’ve slept with a few dogs in my life. Take that as you will, but keep in mind I live in Minnesota. A state that put the capital “C” in cold. Just ask Omaha. And the reality is there aren’t enough sled dogs in the state to keep us all warm.

 

   Anyway, our oft-beloved and occasionally-maligned Twins are out in La-La Land for today’s game. That means the equipment manager didn’t have to pack the fur-lined cups the players wear for outdoor baseball in Minnesota. They packed speedos instead. Which causes me to point out that one of the items near the top of my “List Of Things I Don’t Ever Want To See” is Sano in a speedo. So I’ll catch this game on the radio in case the Big One hits and the players’ uniforms start shaking off. In that event it would be a “Whole Lot of Shakin’ Going On” for Sano.  

  

   Now I have to apologize to Jerry Lee Lewis. Probably to Sano also. But I have gone through life on my knees, groveling, begging forgiveness. So I’m quite accustomed to apologizing. No big deal.

 

   But here’s hoping Sano gets a Big Hit out there in La-La Land instead of getting hit by the Big One.

 

   Which reminds me...

 

Rusty truck.jpg

 

   I owned a 1976 Chevy pickup way back in... well, the 70’s. GM used Chinese steel to build that particular model and Chinese steel had a little problem; it rusted rapidly. Which meant I had a major problem; my truck came down with leprosy. It ran like a clock, but the hands kept falling off. By the time the decade rolled into the 80’s there wasn’t much left of the truck body, but on the plus side my miles per gallon kept increasing.

 

   My brother and I, both gainfully unemployed at the time, which is a diplomatic way of saying we’d both been dismissed with prejudice from our respective jobs, which is a nice way of saying we’d been rendered the proverbial boot in the gluteus maximus, were painting houses to supplement our unemployment checks. Which income of course we didn’t report lest we lose out on the government dole (don’t worry, we’re way past the statute of limitations on that one). Anyway, we’d drafted the Leper Truck into our larcenous venture for hauling ladders, paint cans, various and sundry brushes, tarps, empty Mountain Dew cans, bags of sunflower seeds and the occasional useful tool to and from job sites.

 

   A couple weeks into the painting game we’d grown accustomed to having a paint can, a brush or two, and the occasional tool “disappearing” from the holey (no, not that kind of holy) truck bed while slowly driving to work in the morning, or racing home from work at the end of the day. As long as the ladders didn’t fall through the truck bed we figured another day without the necessary tools was like a day without sunshine; which in the painting business means you didn’t have to work.

 

   Then one fine morning while bumping across the railroad tracks on our way to a job, the Big One hit the Leper Truck and a mysterious two-foot hole suddenly appeared in the cab floor and my brother’s feet that had been resting comfortably on fast-food bags, used sunflower seeds and paint rags were suddenly dangling in mid-air. This was no small feet (little play on words there) as Brother Jim wears the same size bib-overalls as Sano.

 

   Addressing the situation with our usual aplomb, we exchanged a Whiskey Tango Foxtrot glance, then unceremoniously began spitting our morning breakfast of sunflower seeds directly through the Mysterious Hole to the passing pavement below, thus eliminating the middle man.

 

   It seemed we had solved the problem of occasionally cleaning out the truck.

 

   However the newly ventilated truck cab did prove rather, shall we say breezy, on cold (remember this is Minnesota) mornings, thus overwhelming the heater whose blower fan had ingloriously passed away from exhaustion the previous winter. Our usual morning shivering-with-dread was now enhanced to near palsy state by the even lower temperatures inside the Leper Truck, which didn’t inspire our clients as we wobbled up thirty-foot ladders, paint cans in hand.

 

   On one particular unseasonably cold morning Brother Jim, whose dangling feet were bearing the brunt of the unwanted breeze, in a demonstration of the sort of resourcefulness that has plagued our family for generations, grabbed up his “clean” (read that as not yet spattered with fresh paint) cast-off jeans from his duffle and stuffed them into the Mysterious Hole.

 

   Problem solved.

 

   It was only later when it was time to change from our freshly paint-splattered clothing into our “clean” clothes did we notice that Brother Jim’s “clean” cast-off jeans that he’d shoved into the Mysterious Hole were no longer traveling with us. They’d bailed out as it were. Probably somewhere over Normandy.

 

   Which caused Brother Jim to ride home in his underwear, his, uh, equipment flapping in the breeze howling in through the unplugged Mysterious Hole. Which mental picture brings me back to the dizzying vision of Sano in a speedo and finally, you breathe with a sigh of relief, to reaching a denouement, a climax if you will (no nexus to the earlier statement regarding sleeping with dogs) culminating in Lesson #213 From the Dastard’s Book of the Painfully Obvious: You can’t permanently plug a hole with cast-offs.

 

   Not entirely coincidentally, the offered lesson applies as well to bull pens as it does to leperous trucks.

 

   Tonight’s Line-Ups To Be Posted As Soon As Molly Wakes Up

Excellent job Dave!

 

When I read your game thread start I heard Jerry Reed's voice narrating it. They could also be lyrics to one of his songs!

[Mike Sixel]

Oklahoma, Maine, Mississippi, Alabama. 

 

I think that's it. I might need to add Arkansas, but for some reason I think I was there for work some 20 years ago....

[PDX Twin]

 

Does driving through count as visiting?

 

I think driving through should count. But what about landing and changing planes?

 

Here's a remarkable coincidence from last night's game. From the Los Angeles Times:

 

"The Twins acquired and discarded Mejia and Meyer four days apart last year, around the non-waiver trade deadline. Remarkably, both men pitched precisely six innings, threw 84 pitches and 51 strikes, and exited after facing one batter in the seventh. Both yielded five hits and one run. Both walked two. Mejia struck out five and Meyer four."

[Bark's Lounge]

 

Unless you're fascinated with oil drills, you're not missing out on much. 

I've driven through there a couple times. In southern OK, off of 35, there are some mini mountains/hills that are very beautiful. On this occasion I was actually heading down to your neck of the woods.

[Vanimal46]

 

Oklahoma, Maine, Mississippi, Alabama. 

 

I think that's it. I might need to add Arkansas, but for some reason I think I was there for work some 20 years ago....

 

Mobile is actually a pretty area in Alabama... The rest? Meh. 

There's zero reason for any of us to visit Mississippi

[twinsnorth49]

So did the Twins build some more character last night, or use some up? I'm always confused by these things. I'll wait to hear what Mollie thinks.

[John Kelsey]

 

I think driving through should count. But what about landing and changing planes?

 

Here's a remarkable coincidence from last night's game. From the Los Angeles Times:

 

"The Twins acquired and discarded Mejia and Meyer four days apart last year, around the non-waiver trade deadline. Remarkably, both men pitched precisely six innings, threw 84 pitches and 51 strikes, and exited after facing one batter in the seventh. Both yielded five hits and one run. Both walked two. Mejia struck out five and Meyer four."

 

I've always counted driving through. If you don't leave the airport, it doesn't count. 

[Bark's Lounge]

 

Mobile is actually a pretty area in Alabama... The rest? Meh. 

There's zero reason for any of us to visit Mississippi

I spent a week in southern Alabama back in 2009 in a town next to Fort Rucker. The weather was nice, but it was damn boring. I stopped at a convenience store in this town and the cashier was a 20ish year old young lady all tattooed up with multiple facial piercings and as I approached the counter to pay for my purchases, she said to me "Hey Honey Pie" in her southern accent. To this day, I still have trouble putting her appearance and words together. It's a weird place.

 

I only posted this as I am at work, bored, and it is the only thing keeping me awake.

[Pardon My Dinger]

Edit - I should say Anaheim; LA is a bottomless pit.

 

Anaheim at least has Disney.

What's with the LA hatred? Guessing there's a story there.

[twinsnorth49]

 

What's with the LA hatred? Guessing there's a story there.

There needs to be a reason, other than just because?

 

 

[Pardon My Dinger]

There needs to be a reason, other than just because?

Well, I mean, it's no Winnipeg, but yeah.

[Craig Arko]

That brown LA haze...

 

 

 

The Magic Castle and Griffith Observatory were fun.

[twinsnorth49]

 

Well, I mean, it's no Winnipeg, but yeah.

Maybe it's you?

 

Just throwing it out there.

[Vanimal46]

CC: North

I've been speaking to quite a few Canadians this week for work, and noticed an alarming trend at the end of each call... 

 

Do you also say "Cheers" instead of goodbye? Is this just a Canadian thing?

[Pardon My Dinger]

Maybe it's you?

 

Just throwing it out there.

Wut?

 

I'm just trying to figure out why people don't like my town.

[twinsnorth49]

 

Wut?

I'm just trying to figure out why people don't like my town.

Maybe it's you?

 

Just throwing it out there.

 

 

Is there an echo in here?

[Pardon My Dinger]

 

Maybe it's you?

 

Just throwing it out there.

 

 

Is there an echo in here?

Oh...I get it. 

 

 

Been getting that a lot lately...

[Bark's Lounge]

 

Wut?

I'm just trying to figure out why people don't like my town.

I was in LA once, 2003 to be exact, it's okay, the weather is nice. I stopped at the Rainbow Room with some friends and I seen the Actor Judd Nelson and Adult Film Actor Ron Jeremy sitting at a booth having some kind of meeting of the minds. I wonder what they were talking about?

[Bark's Lounge]

 

Oh...I get it. 

 

 

 

Been getting that a lot lately...

I think the Myth that Canadians are nice people has been busted.

[twinsnorth49]

 

I was in LA once, 2003 to be exact, it's okay, the weather is nice. I stopped at the Rainbow Room with some friends and I seen the Actor Judd Nelson and Adult Film Actor Ron Jeremy sitting at a booth having some kind of meeting of the minds. I wonder what they were talking about?

Hedgehogs.......obviously.

[twinsnorth49]

 

CC: North

I've been speaking to quite a few Canadians this week for work, and noticed an alarming trend at the end of each call... 

 

Do you also say "Cheers" instead of goodbye? Is this just a Canadian thing?

It's pretty common. It's also quite prevalent as an email sign off. 

 

This alarms you? 

[Bark's Lounge]

 

It's pretty common. It's also quite prevalent as an email sign off. 

 

This alarms you? 

I can't speak for Vanimal, but I find it terrifying.