Twins to Celebrate Potential Playoff Berth with Warm Case of Busch Light Draft

[RandBalls Stu]

With the employee discount and manufacturer’s rebate, the total outlay for this fiscally responsible celebration is $10.99.

Image courtesy of ABInbev

With the season in the balance, the Minnesota Twins are hoping to avert an all-time collapse and slip back into one of the final two Wild Card slots this weekend. And while no one wants to jinx anything, team officials need to make sure the team has something to celebrate with if they clinch.

Just not champagne.

“Have you priced out champagne lately?” asked a front office source. “It’s nuts! We can’t cut payroll and then go out and spend $200, $300 on bubbly that might not even get used. Thank goodness for Laramie.”

The Laramie in question is intern Laramie Dotson, 22, of Ham Lake. In addition to his summer internship with the franchise, he works weekends at Liquor Boy in St. Louis Park.

“That warm case of Busch Light Draft in the trunk of Laramie’s mom’s Honda Civic is ready when our boys right the ship and return to the American League playoffs,” said the source.

With Laramie’s employee discount and the manufacturer’s rebate, the total outlay for this fiscally responsible celebration is $10.99.

“We told him to submit an expense report, but between you and me, we have a way to comp him without all this paperwork,” said the source. “And it all starts in the toilet.”

“You wouldn’t believe how much pocket change ends up in the men’s urinals,” said a source close to Target Field’s custodial division. “Obviously, paper money goes to the Pohlad family. But all those urine-drenched pennies add up, too.”

When asked if they would put the beers on ice, the source responded with a laugh. “Ice? Whatever you say, Rockefeller. We’re not made of money.”

The source went on to note that while the Pohlads have a cottage in Switzerland made from gold bars, it’s not technically currency--just like this immensely talented Twins team is not technically good.

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[Original_JB]

Do you really need a whole 30 pack if you dole it out like airline beverage service? Although, then you'll need Dixie cups, unless you have them play Rock, Paper, Scissors as to who get 1st sip out of the can....

[OvertheHill]

I so needed this. Some levity. 

[Rod Carews Birthday]

Perhaps the cans should come pre-opened and sitting on a shelf for a day to get that true stale beer taste that the Twins' recent play deserves.  

[Road trip]

Hamm's is a bit less expensive where I live, and more appropriate since this is Minnesota.  Don't ask me how I know this...

The last line was comic gold...just like the cabin.

[Fire Dan Gladden]

Ahhhhhh.... Thanks Stu.

My question is when ownership comes down to join the celebration, do the douse them with the beer or just start chucking cans at them?

[Schmoeman5]

Now that's what you call right-sizing a celebration. 

[Parfigliano]

Busch Light.  Fancy.   Dont they make Black Label or Pfeiffer's anymore?

[David HK]

🤣😅😂 "Liquor Boy..." 😅🤣😅

Thanks, Stu.  We all needed that.  Now where's my can?

[USAFChief]

They can put it in a closet and let it age for 2025.

[NotAboutWinning]

6 hours ago, USAFChief said:

They can put it in a closet and let it age for 2025.

Wait, are we still talking about the the beer... Or the team 😫

[Original_JB]

12 hours ago, Parfigliano said:

Busch Light.  Fancy.   Dont they make Black Label or Pfeiffer's anymore?

Blatz, Red White and Blue, Cold Spring, Buckhorn...

[Richie the Rally Goat]

1 hour ago, Original_JB said:

Blatz, Red White and Blue, Cold Spring, Buckhorn...

Have you seen what a can of Gluek’s goes for nowadays? Cold Spring is not what you think it is

[USAFChief]

2 hours ago, NotAboutWinning said:

Wait, are we still talking about the the beer... Or the team 😫

Yes.