Joe Pohlad Steps Down; 6-Year-Old Zachary Pohlad to Take Helm

[RandBalls Stu]

The new Twins executive chairman likes dinosaurs, Go-Gurts.

Image courtesy of Unsplash/Jen Theodore

Turnover in the Twins front office continued Thursday, as recently-appointed executive chairman Joe Pohlad resigned effective immediately, just three days after accepting the role. No reason was given for his departure. Taking his place will be the next Pohlad in line, 6-year-old Zachary, great-grandson of the late Carl Pohlad.

“Great teams have a next man up mentality, and that applies to all levels of our organization,” said former executive chairman Jim Pohlad. “Zachary has the enthusiasm, engagement, and age-appropriate grasp of math and reading concepts you’d want in a leader.”

Twins CEO Dave St. Peter and president of baseball operations Derek Falvey will both report to Zachary. If they need to reach him during naptime or all-day kindergarten, team sources say Pohlad’s nanny Brigitte will handle all inquiries.

“He likes chewing gum, laughs at bodily function humor, and gets owly when he’s tired,” said a member of the coaching staff who requested anonymity. “That’s, like, half the bullpen. Just another guy we have to remind to wash his hands and limit his screen time. He’ll fit right in.”

Zachary’s teachers at Little Learners Montessori in Deephaven characterize the most powerful person in the Twins organization as “bright, energetic, and super into truck and dinosaurs.”

“That little guy loves Go-Gurts,” confirmed one instructor.

The team said Zachary was in a timeout for not sharing at recess and would address the media at an undetermined future date when he started making better choices.

Image license here.

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[BobAzar]

sounds like a great leader, but we need to know, WHICH dinosaur is his favorite? 

[DJL44]

Quote

Zachary was in a timeout for not sharing

Sounds like a future billionaire.

[USAFChief]

Randball's Stu breaks out of a sustained slump bigtime! BIGTIME!!!

 

"Zachary was in a timeout for not sharing at recess and would address the media at an undetermined future date when he started making better choices."

 

Hahahahaha

[Fire Dan Gladden]

When Kent Hrbek was still playing for the Twins, he gave an interview where he said he wanted to retire and become a masked professional wrestler under the name "Tyrannosaurus Rex".

I can read between the lines here... sounds like the Twins have a 1B coming out of retirement! 

[Melissa Berman]

This is absolutely hilarious lol, good work

[CRF]

Hey...little Zach might make better decisions than the current FO!

[ashbury]

The best part is that if Zachary approves a trade of Polanco, the Twins' marketing department gets to send him to bed without supper.

[DJL44]

Byron Buxton also likes trucks. They'll probably get along.

[gman]

Rumor has it that next year the entire field will be made of sand. No traction , no steals. Since no grass, the infielders can play as deep as they want. Buckets and shovels optional.

[joefish]

On 12/2/2022 at 5:50 AM, BobAzar said:

sounds like a great leader, but we need to know, WHICH dinosaur is his favorite? 

That would be the short-armed one. The one that can't play with himself. 

[ashbury]

On 12/2/2022 at 6:50 AM, BobAzar said:

sounds like a great leader, but we need to know, WHICH dinosaur is his favorite? 

[Richie the Rally Goat]

What’s his favorite flavor of Go-Gurt? Glo-Gurt? Dunkaroos? Strawberry Banbana? Mixed Berry?
 

what temperature? Frozen? Refrigerated? Room temperature?

the options are endless!