Game Thread: Twins vs. Tigers, 5/23/18 @ 12:10PM CT

[twinssporto]

 

Good morning and welcome back to another Game Thread experience!  It's an absolutely beautiful day here in Minneapolis.  Feels like summer has finally arrived.  I walked outside this morning to take the trash out and you could smell the green grass and lilacs in the air.  The birds were singing and it was warm enough to wear shorts at 6:30AM. 

 

It's such a beautiful day I'm trying to come up with an excuse to skip going into the office.  In fact, I may go buy a ticket and watch the Twins put another whipping to the Tigers this afternoon.  My dilemma is coming up with an appropriate excuse to blow off work.  I doubt I'm the only one in this situation today.  According to CareerBuilder.com 40% of workers have taken a fake sick day in the last 12 months.  

 

I've Googled a few ideas and thought I would share with my Twins Daily friends some great excuses to skip work to watch the Twins today.  I've tried to sort through some of these and put a skill level ranking to each of them.  I know some people can believe their own lies (which makes them true) but others have a hard time being untruthful, hence the skill rankings. Remember, if you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything. Just one more quick tip.  Keep your excuse brief!  Don't go into an elaborate explanation.  The longer the excuse the more likely your employer will think you're lying.

 

Here we go.  Good excuses for blowing off work today and watching the Twins: *Disclaimer: Twins Daily, it's affiliates and author of this post do not take responsibility for you getting canned or written up by your employer.  If you wish to avoid that from happening go to work like every other law abiding citizen or start working for yourself.  

 

#1.) I think I have food poisoning. Skill level required 4.  This is a great one to use especially for the people who are unaccustomed to being a slacker.  Email your boss and say you ate something bad the night before.  Tell them its coming out both ends.  No one wants to hear the details and will most likely let this one go through without a thought.  If you want to add an even better twist to this, tell them you ate some bad Romaine lettuce a few days prior. 

 

#2.) I have a horrible migraine.  Skill level required 5. If you decide to play this card its important you know the actual symptoms of a migraine.  Google it if you don't know.  If you decide to call your boss instead of emailing make sure you talk with a soft voice and tell them you can barely open your eyes because you're so sensitive to light. Pro tip: Tell your boss you finally understand how Byron Buxton feels when he gets migraines.

 

#3.) I have a series of tests today with a doctor.  Skill level required 6.  This is a great excuse.  When most people say they are doing a round of tests with a doctor they automatically think its something serious.  It's better to use this excuse than just saying I have a doctors appointment.  The skill level for this is higher because if your boss is genuinely concerned they may probe for more details.  You need to be prepared to make up some crazy disease.  The beauty of this approach is that you can say the next day all the tests came back negative and you are healthy.

 

#4.) I am going to a funeral. Skill level 8.  This is a harder one to pull off.  Not impossible but it can be tricky.  Whenever you add an outside influence to your excuse it opens the door to uncontrolled chaos.  What do you do if the boss wants to send flowers?  What do you do if they ask to see the funeral program? Who died? Why did they die? What did they die from? How did you know them? How were you related?  The list goes on and on...Only professionals should use this one. (Authors Note: I'm not joking, my business partner just called me while writing this and told me he was going to be out for most of the day attending a funeral).  I started laughing when he told me about it.  He asked, "why are you laughing?"  I told him what my game thread intro was about today.  He started laughing too.  He really is going to a funeral.    

 

#5.)  I'm having car trouble. Skill level 9. This can be an effective excuse but it can also come with unintended consequences.  Hence the skill level of 9.  If you're not a motor head it can be difficult to describe what is wrong with your vehicle.  The best thing to do here is just say it won't start.  If you live close to someone you work with be prepared to have them pick you up later that morning or God forbid your boss says they will come and get you.  They can also say get an Uber to pick you up and we'll pay for it.  Any of those scenarios are bad if you're sitting inside Target Field when that call comes through.

 

#6.) I'm going to the Twins game today. Skill level 1.  Honesty is the best policy.  You may lose a vacation day or a sick day but it is an option.  Not much fun but its still an option.  

 

I hope I've helped our Twins Daily community with these insights and aided in lowering our nations productivity.  Oh, before I forget.  The following excuses for missing work are not recommended: I'm still drunk, I got arrested, I have to testify against a drug dealer, I'm too hungover, my dog turned off my alarm clock.

 

Get out and enjoy the day! Go Twins!

 

Lineups:

 

TWINS

 

1. Brian Dozier 2B ®

2. Max Kepler RF (L)

3. Eddie Rosario DH (L)

4. Eduardo Escobar 3B (S)

5. Logan Morrison 1B (L)

6. Jake Cave LF (L)

7. Ehire Adrianza SS (S)

8. Bobby Wilson C ®

9. Byron Buxton CF ®

Kyle Gibson SP ® 

 

TIGERS

 

1. Leonys Martin CF (L)

2. Nicholas Castellanos RF ®

3. Victor Martinez DH (S)

4. Niko Goodrum 3B (S)

5. John Hicks 1B ®

6. JaCoby Jones LF ®

7. Grayson Greiner C ®

8. Jose Iglesias SS ®

9. Dixon Machado 2B ®

Michael Fulmer SP ®

 

Weather: 78 degrees.  Rain possible.  Where did this rain come from??? Serious.  I just checked and it looks like rain is on its way.  I might go back to work...

 

 

 

 

[Mike Sixel]

Nice intro!

[Vanimal46]

I can honestly say I've never called in a fake sick day in my post college working career so far... Though my first job in Austin as a business development rep making 150 outbound dials a day really made me question why I go to work every day.

[jtkoupal]

Good Morning, Everybody.

 

Today, the Twins go for a sweep of the Tigers to secure a winning homestead.

 

Michael Fulmer provides a worthy foe, but a manageable one. 

 

Gibson's sinker is the key to this game. If it's on, he should have no problem shutting down the Toledo Mud Hens... er.. I mean... Detroit 

 

For those of you who are nerds like I am, the Twins have a 59% chance at a victory today, as per FiveThirtyEight.com. That probability is calculated by taking a raw team score and then factoring in the starting pitchers, home/road, travel, and rest. 

 

A win would get the Twins back within a game of the .500 mark and keep them, at worst, only 1 game behind the Indians, who will send Adam Plutko to the mound at Wrigley Field against Jon Lester later tonight. The Cubs are favored in that game with a 59% win probability as well.

 

Let's get those brooms out and cheer on the Cubbies later, Twins Territory!

 

 

[Mike Sixel]

As hard as I've been on the team this year.....one game under is pretty good considering they are without Sano, Polanco, ESan, and how Morrison and Buxton were/are hitting. I'm still not convinced they have any chance in a playoff series vs the big three.....but then I didn't think that before the season either. A mini winning streak past this....and they are on the pace most of us expected.

[wsnydes]

You understand that now that you've thoroughly documented your best excuses to blow off work that you can no longer use any of those should you ever actually want a good excuse to blow off work, right?  I'm just going to assume that your powers that be read TD on a daily basis.  

 

I've called in sick once in my entire life.  I was in high school.  My girlfriend and a couple of my friends wanted to go to the lake and I wanted to go with them, but I was scheduled to work that afternoon.  I felt so guilty about it that I didn't enjoy myself at all and haven't done it since.  I actually used Excuse #1.

[Jerr]

Nice intro! Just call in sick and lay low at the game. Hope you don't get sun burned, have an accident, run into someone from work  (unless, another sick co-worker) get on camera, or do anything heroic today.

 

Ohhh, don't talk about todays game, other than you missed watching/listening to it, as you sleep or were in the bathroom sick. Be sure 1 or 2 reasons  match with your illness.

 

Enjoy the game!!!! Go Twins!!!!!

[Blake]

I've always said that because I'm inherently lazy, I tend to tell the truth because it takes too much effort to remember a lie.

 

My next favorite thing is not trying to weasel out of a screw up. Own up then and there and watch the person laying out the accusation double clutch and stutter because they were prepared to give you the proverbial beat down. Not only that, puts one in the perfect position to do "okay time to move on" and then do so.

 

Great intro!

[Blake]

 

Nice intro! Just call in sick and lay low at the game. Hope you don't get sun burned, have an accident, run into someone from work  (unless, another sick co-worker) get on camera, or do anything heroic today.

 

Ohhh, don't talk about todays game, other than you missed watching/listening to it, as you sleep or were in the bathroom sick. Be sure 1 or 2 reasons  match with your illness.

 

Enjoy the game!!!! Go Twins!!!!!

And if you go with your wife or girlfriend, avoid the kiss cam!

[sampleSizeOfOne]

Oh you didn't get my note?

 

I said a month ago i had Twins tickets today...

 

I even invited everyone in the office to come.

 

Team building, that was it.

[Jerr]

 

And if you go with your wife or girlfriend, avoid the kiss cam!

Especially, the latter.

[wsnydes]

 

Nice intro! Just call in sick and lay low at the game. Hope you don't get sun burned, have an accident, run into someone from work  (unless, another sick co-worker) get on camera, or do anything heroic today.

 

Ohhh, don't talk about todays game, other than you missed watching/listening to it, as you sleep or were in the bathroom sick. Be sure 1 or 2 reasons  match with your illness.

 

Enjoy the game!!!! Go Twins!!!!!

Rule #1 of Fake Sick Club:  You will not talk about Fake Sick Club.

Rule #2 of Fake Sick Club:  You will not do anything to draw attention to the fact that you're a member of Fake Sick Club.

[wsnydes]

 

Oh you didn't get my note?

I said a month ago i had Twins tickets today...

I even invited everyone in the office to come.

Team building, that was it.

My brain immediately took me to that commercial where the left out guy says, "I like tacos!".  I think it was a cell phone carrier commercial or something.  That seems applicable here.

[Vanimal46]

My brain immediately took me to that commercial where the left out guy says, "I like tacos!". I think it was a cell phone carrier commercial or something. That seems applicable here.

Don't you think that's information I'd like to know?

[cmoss84]

The Tigers must really appreciate V-Mart's veteran bat in the lineup. Does anyone have his home to first time on that second double play yesterday??

[jtkoupal]

Here we go... first inning runs... this why relief pitchers should start games (a la Sergio Romo) and the "starter" should come in the 2nd or 3rd

[sampleSizeOfOne]

Tigers get an early lead...

[wsnydes]

Good recovery by Gibson there.  That could have been worse.

 

[yarnivek1972]

The Tigers must really appreciate V-Mart's veteran bat in the lineup. Does anyone have his home to first time on that second double play yesterday??

Isn’t he still running to first?

[TFRazor]

 

Isn’t he still running to first?

I tried to time it with a stopwatch but it took so long that I was gonna have to pay overtime so I just turned it off. I've got overhead to worry about here

[Huddy]

Haven't seen that one before.

[wsnydes]

 

I tried to time it with a stopwatch but it took so long that I was gonna have to pay overtime so I just turned it off. I've got overhead to worry about here

Rookie mistake.  Sundial is the way to go.

[Jerr]

A ball in the wedge, per radio coverage. And announcers, say they never saw that before.     

 

[stringer bell]

Gibson getting cuffed around in the first? Sounds like 2017. He got the Twins’ AAA rejects out to hold it to 1-0.

[Jerr]

EDDIE!!!!!!!!

 

[TFRazor]

 

Rookie mistake.  Sundial is the way to go.

Yeah... Until the sun goes down

[Vanimal46]

Yeah... Until the sun goes down

You can always rely on California math and get close to the right answer

[redstorm]

 

A ball in the wedge, per radio coverage. And announcers, say they never saw that before.     

 

Yup, right in the cracks of the pads in the wall 

[Jerr]

 

Yup, right in the cracks of the pads in the wall 

Funny!!!

 

[wsnydes]

 

Yeah... Until the sun goes down

It can be used at night as long as there's a moon.  Plus, the sun comes back up in the morning.  All you have to do is mark the time that he started and it'll still work!