Article: Game Thread - Twins @ White Sox - 10/2/16 - 2:10 CST

[LaBombo]

Game Thread

Twins vs. Bad Guys at their pad

10/2/2016

 

Urgent and Horrifying News Story Edition

 

 

 

 

"Ladies and Gentlemen, may I have your attention please! The 2016 Minnesota Twins season is ending today! And the weirdo who always posts jpgs and gifs is doing the game thread!"

 

Hello, long-suffering Twins fans. Game thread veteran and game thread creation rookie Labombo here. "Hi, Labombo!"

So before we get on with the rest, let me assure you that this mess was created only after carefully reviewing the guidelines for game thread creation, from which this nugget of wisdom stood out:

 

4. We like positivity.

 

I believe that's what my team of psychiatrists would call a conundrum. So let's just get this out of the way: the 2016 Minnesota Twins will finish the season with the worst record this franchise has ever had, leaving their indelible mark on the history of the Twins.

http://steambrosllc.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/pet-stain-300x237.jpg

 

'Nuff said. Plenty of ink has been spilled, and billions of bits fired across the internet, about how bad the Twins were and what to do about fixing it. But not today. Today we celebrate the positive. But first, the lineups...

 

Chicago White Sox

 

1. Adam Eaton (L) RF

2. Tim Anderson ® SS

3. Melky Cabrera (S) LF

4. Jose Abreu ® 1b

5. Justin Morneau (L) DH

6. Todd Frazier ® 3b

7. Alex Avila (L) C

8. Carlos Sanchez (S) 2b

9. Leury Garcia (S) CF

 

- SP Chris Sale (L)

 

Minnesota Twins

 

1. Byron Buxton ® CF

2. Jorge Polanco (S) SS

3. Robbie Grossman (S) DH

4. Miguel Sano ® 3b

5. Kennys Vargas (S) 1b

6. Max Kepler (L) RF

7. Eduardo Escobar (S) 2b

8. JR Murphy ® C

9. Logan Schager (L) LF

 

- SP Jose Berrios ®

 

Weather: 65 and cloudy, with a chance of a blowout.

 

As expected, Brian Dozier is out of the lineup with a strained oblique.  Tough break, since he's stuck at 99 RBI and has 3 HR in 38 career AB against Sale.

 

So where was I? Oh, right... positivity. But look at the time! Game starts in less than two hours, the suggested deadline for posting the GT. So... positive... positive... I'm trying.

 

Ok, so...Dozier. He had an amazing season while the Twins basically disintegrated like an experimental 1950's rocket plane around him.

 

And Ervin. He posted a 3.38 with a worse defense than Grenada circa 1983 playing behind him.

 

And... Buxton had a nice September. All right, so positivity is not always my thing, and there's other good stuff in the sea of awful that was this year's Twins squad. But my Positivity MVP for the 2016 Twins season is...

 

The 2016 Twins Game Thread.

 

Yes, that's right, fellow game threaders, you are all MVP's.  You made a historically sucky season fun in an almost magical way that I've only seen one other place: Mystery Science Theater 3000...

 

http://i2.wp.com/mirandacelestehale.net/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/alphabetanticskitteh.png?resize=478%2C312

 

The 2016 Twins were a movie so bad it somehow managed to be good, and sharing the experience of generating laughs from baseball that was at times as inexplicably goofy as a cat in a wedding gown was FUN! And you made it fun! Well done. And thanks to the mods for patrolling and maintaining the playground.

 

PS An update for all the posters who've expressed concern for Carousel Corgi, the brave little dog who runs 'round in a show of solidarity with struggling Twins pitchers besieged by baserunners from all sides:

 

http://img.pandawhale.com/105092-dog-running-on-merry-go-round-0XON.gif

 

 

Though his little legs are tired and he's nearing his innings limit, CC is standing by for one last run, thanks to a potent cocktail of Red Bull and chondroitin coursing through his veins. A dog of few words, he asked me to pass on his thanks for your support and a plea for forgiveness if he has to go number two in the middle of another terrible Pat Dean outing.

[Circus Boy]

Can't believe I'm sad the season is ending. Kind of like Woody Allen: "The food at that restaurant is terrible. And such small portions!"

[Blake]

I'm not quite sure how it happened, but just about the time this dreadful season is ending work slows down so I have more time to pay attention to the Twins.

 

Funny how things work out sometimes.

[mickeymental]

i'm more interested in this game than the ones that'll determine the wild cards. what's wrong with me?

[Blake]

 

i'm more interested in this game than the ones that'll determine the wild cards. what's wrong with me?

You could say that about a lot of us.

[HitInAPinch]

https://youtu.be/jHPOzQzk9Qo

 

"Life's a Piece of ****, When You Look at It."

[Squirrel]

I'm watching to the very bitter end because it's a long time to ST.

[Blake]

 

I'm watching to the very bitter end because it's a long time to ST.

Eh, there's also the Host Stove League and Winter Meetings. Along with ongoing front office realignment. And, will Molitor retain his job?

 

Plenty of stuff to keep an eye on.

[LaBombo]

 

i'm more interested in this game than the ones that'll determine the wild cards. what's wrong with me?

 

You're a 2016 Twins fan. This is you support group.

 

http://i.imgur.com/luDavg6.png

[Blake]

 

I'm watching to the very bitter end because it's a long time to ST.

By the way, I hope the eyeball thingy is just for Halloween, because it is a bit on the creepy side.

[Squirrel]

By the way, I hope the eyeball thingy is just for Halloween, because it is a bit on the creepy side.

You know it's kind of a be careful what you wish for warning. There were complaints of a previous avatar so I put one up that was sure to be worse. It's a selfie.

[Blake]

 

You know it's kind of a be careful what you wish for warning. There were complaints of a previous avatar so I put one up that was sure to be worse. It's a selfie.

Well, I don't remember the previous avatar, so, must have been rather innocuous as far as I'm concerned. I doubt I'll forget this one, however.

[LaBombo]

 

You know it's kind of a be careful what you wish for warning. There were complaints of a previous avatar so I put one up that was sure to be worse. It's a selfie.

I'm good with that. The last one looked like a Susan Sarandon cameo on The Walking Dead.

 

Also, how did you make the eyeball look at the viewer? Is it a programmable .gif that hacks into the user's webcam?

 

..or is it just me, and the eyeball isn't actually moving...

[Craig Arko]

You know it's kind of a be careful what you wish for warning. There were complaints of a previous avatar so I put one up that was sure to be worse. It's a selfie.

For next year I'll think I'll use a Doctor Strange avatar instead.

[Craig Arko]

I'm good with that. The last one looked like a Susan Sarandon cameo on The Walking Dead.

 

Also, how did you make the eyeball look at the viewer? Is it a programmable .gif that hacks into the user's webcam?

 

..or is it just me, and the eyeball isn't actually moving...

The best part is when it blinks.

[Blake]

 

I'm good with that. The last one looked like a Susan Sarandon cameo on The Walking Dead.

 

Also, how did you make the eyeball look at the viewer? Is it a programmable .gif that hacks into the user's webcam?

 

..or is it just me, and the eyeball isn't actually moving...

Hmm, now that would be kind of cool and creepy, an animated eyeball gif.

[LaBombo]

 

The best part is when it blinks.

...But only in the corner of my eye as I look away. Weird! Haven't been this weirded out by my computer since an ex sent me an email that made a fly walk across the inside of my monitor screen.

 

http://img.ffffound.com/static-data/assets/6/8a4b395e1418e29836b8845e5d191423ad044d36_m.gif

[operation mindcrime]

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssssssssssssss!

[glunn]

That was a nice start of the game by Buxton.

[LaBombo]

Buxton wasn't stopping at third if the stop sign were a burning bush. Not that there would have been. How often does the already rare inside-the-park HR not even a play at the plate?

[operation mindcrime]

That was friggin awesome!!!!!! \m/

[Craig Arko]

Well how about that. The optimism train starts early.

[Halsey Hall]

Well, I guess this is it. 

[Circus Boy]

 

You know it's kind of a be careful what you wish for warning. There were complaints of a previous avatar so I put one up that was sure to be worse. It's a selfie.

 

You only have one eye?

[wavedog]

Speaking of positivity we can't lose any more games after today!  Going to enjoy this last game - Buxton homering is a nice way to start it off!

[Circus Boy]

 

Buxton wasn't stopping at third if the stop sign were a burning bush. Not that there would have been. How often does the already rare inside-the-park HR not even a play at the plate?

 

Buxton to 3rd base coach: "The Buck doesn't stop here."

[LaBombo]

 

That was a nice start of the game by Buxton.

 

Ok, that's a good first effort to get warmed up, but you gotta cut loose, glunn! Last game! Fire up! Otherwise, the game thread is going to have to blow on Mr. Glumm's tummy!

 

[LaBombo]

 

You only have one eye?

 

Not that there's anything wrong with that...

 

[HitInAPinch]

 

Hmm, now that would be kind of cool and creepy, an animated eyeball gif.

http://bestanimations.com/Humans/Eyes/eyes-animated-gif-11.gif

[Craig Arko]

Speaking of positivity we can't lose any more games after today!  Going to enjoy this last game - Buxton homering is a nice way to start it off!

And number 199 for the team, 3rd in team history. And 11 players in double digit HRs, tying the major league record.