Game Thread, Twins vs. Athletics, 5/6 @ 7:10 pm CT

[formerly33]

┴Ɔ ɯd0Ɩ:ㄥ @ 9/ϛ 'sɔᴉʇǝlɥʇ∀ ˙sʌ suᴉʍ┴ 'pɐǝɹɥ┴ ǝɯɐפ

 

 

Weather:

 

Showers and thunderstorms likely, mainly before 8:00 PM. Mostly cloudy, with a low around 63° F. South southeast wind 10 to 15 mph. Chance of precipitation is 60%. New rainfall amounts of less than a tenth of an inch, except higher amounts possible in thunderstorms. (Forgive the grammar - I copied that and am feeling too lazy today to fix it.)

 

Sunset:

 

8:23 PM (an hour and 13 minutes after the first pitch, given the game starts at the planned time).

 

 

Line ups:

 

ATHLETICS (12-16):

1. Crisp, LF

2. Burns, CF

3. Reddick, RF

4. Butler, DH

5. Vogt, C

6. Davis, 1B

7. Lawrie, 3B

8. Semien, SS

9. Sogard, 2B

 

Scott Kazmir, LHP (2-0, 1.62 ERA)

 

TWINS (14-13):

1. Dozier, 2B

2. Hunter, DH

3. Mauer, 1B

4. Plouffe, 3B

5. Escobar, LF

6. Herrmann, C

7. Robinson, CF

8. Rosario, RF

9. Santana, SS

 

Kyle Gibson, RHP (2-2, 3.56 ERA)

 

 

Weather permitted, today the Twins and A's will face off for the 3rd time in this 4-game series. I get the honors of starting my 2nd game thread, and while I have this feeling deep down inside of me that I wasn't the first person to try the format I will be using, it was probably long enough ago that everyone will have forgotten all about it and could use a little refresher. Don't get upset that I don't really talk about the game today. Why should I, a novice, bore the experts with things they already know? I decided that my best chance at success is to talk about other things. So here goes. Be prepared to come across some very, very bad jokes. In fact, they're so terrible, I don't know if you'll even notice them, but it won't hurt to be on the lookout (though not in Chattanooga).

 

 

Take me out to the ball game!

 

Well, that's what game threads are all about, right? They provide one-of-a-kind coverage for Twins fans from all over the planet. I'm not sure if there are any Twins fans in outer space - NASA hasn't refined their equipment to that level yet - but if there are, I'm sure they follow every game thread as closely as you or I ever have. But I have a sneaking suspicion that if there were indeed baseball fanatics in the metagalaxy, they'd be wearing Astros jerseys. Or you could argue that since some people prefer to call it the heavens, they'd be wearing Angels jerseys. But you know, I seem to remember having heard once that Danny Vader and R2D2 announce the Twins' radio broadcast on 96.3, so you're free to look at it whatever way you wish.

 

 

Take me out with the crowd!

 

Twins Daily is the perfect place to talk with a (relatively) large group of people without the stress of them all actually being present (in case you are introverted, which can be a very good thing in this world of extroverts - no offense to them, but it's always nice to have a good variety), but if you are going out with the real crowd today, you are just one of the 20-some thousand people who will be lifting up their voices in praise of our beloved team in the beautiful Target Field. Hopefully you'll remember to cheer without waiting for the Jumbotron to remind you - believe  me, the faithful on TD will. Unless we're talking about the top 2014 indie releases, why men with scars are hotter, what your inner Star Trek personality is, why I Love Lucy should/shouldn't have been called We All Love Ricky...you name it. I can't come up with any more examples that I haven't already seen, and for all I know, these have already been covered. I mean, what hasn't? When I was younger I designed what I called a "smokestack," only to find out a year or two later that there is such a thing in this world as a hookah.

 

 

Buy me some peanuts and cracker jacks!

 

Well, Twins president Dave St. Peter has worked hard to give Twins fans a better experience than any other team, not only in MLB but in all of the sports world. This includes The Our Family Section (purchase a ticket in this alcohol-free section in Target Field and receive a free Schweigert hot dog and Pepsi - any day!), Student Day (standing-room only tickets are just $5 for students, and they can ride free on Metro Transit - today only), Midwest Music Showcase (musical performances by prominent local bands - every Wednesday home game May through September), Schweigert Dollar-A-Dog Day (hot dogs are just $1 at the Hennepin Grille and Taste of Twins Territory concession stands - 1st 10,000 fans), Split the Pot Raffle (every home game throughout the 2015 season, the Minnesota Twins Split the Pot Raffle will benefit the Twins Community Fund; one lucky winner will take home half the net proceeds from that day's raffle), and Twingo! (fans can play Twingo every Tuesday and Wednesday courtesy of Minnesota's Corn Farmers). Okay, that's enough advertising for the Twins for the day. I almost expect to receive a paycheck in the mail by the end of the month. Oh, but did I say that we have the hands down most beautiful stadium in all of the world, and it offers the best seating for the best prices?! (That is, if the best prices are determined based on value percentage, not actual dollars. I suppose I'll get a cut in pay for that comment.)

 

Now, if it so happens that you are not going to the Twins game today outside of the context of the TD game thread, I suppose there's a marked difference in your choice of concessions. As your hostess, I assure you that you're more than welcome to all of them as long as you remember to take small bites, chew with your mouth shut, and not talk with your mouth full. I think you owe me that common courtesy, at least.

 

 

I don't care if I never get back!

 

Unfortunately, time and time again I'll hear fans stay just long enough to sing those words and then get up and go before the game is over. But if they're intentionally/knowingly lying, we'll be Minnesota Nice and forgive them because the thing that matters is that they are showing true team spirit. Fortunately Twins Daily offers 60-60-24-7-52-[some infinite number that I'm not sure exists] coverage of the Twins, so if you're like me you not only don't care if you never get back, but you stay logged into your account at all times.

 

(Well, to be completely honest, my reason for doing so is merely a wise precaution just in case I'm banned, but keep this a secret between you and me, and please don't let the moderators find out, please.)

 

 

Oh, let's root, root, root for the home team!

 

This is where I must break the bad news to you. I've heard rumors that there are fans of other teams that are members of this site, and I only need to go to a few members' profiles before I start hitting them (I won't name any names). Also, I would assume that there will be a few A's fans who loyally followed their team all the way to Minnesota, sheepdog fashion, to watch them play. Of course if I were to look I'd also find the forever present (and might I add parasitic?) Yankees jersey peppered lightly throughout the stands. Which reminds me. (Spoiler alert! Big-time story coming up!) Once my little brother randomly booed (Jet's fan style) a person who was driving past our house. As he was doing so he noticed that familiar NY hieroglyph on a dark baseball cap. Needless to say, I was astounded and delighted with his discretion when it came to his choice of people to boo. We left that man believing that it was not a coincidence, but rather rooted in the fact that he was a Yankees fan with a Minnesota license plate.

 

 

If we don't win it's a shame!

 

As much as I want to say that this is true because Gibson is pitching, I can't because that subject can be covered in the following paragraph. I am astounded with the natural flow that Jack Norworth was able to work into his song when he wrote it back in 1927 or whatever the year was. Such a brilliant mind. But to return to the topic of general interest, Paul Molitor has been experimenting with the lineup lately (disregarding yesterday's game), and his efforts seem to be paying off. Lately (again, let's forget yesterday, okay?) the Twins' bats have heated to such a point that even Herrmann is going to need to wear two gloves soon to protect his hands from burning. (For those who are interested, anything more than a first degree burn is serious.)

 

 

Cause it's one! two! three! strikes you're out at the old ball game!

 

I promised you we'd talk about Gibson, right? Well, here we are at last, nearing the end of my breakdown of a wonderful classic, and what more fitting than discussing the starting pitchers for today? As already stated above, it's Kazmir versus Gibson, but instead of pretending to be a stats geek (I already warned you, didn't I? - not to mention that it would be far too depressing comparing these two pitchers' stats), I'm going to try to find something you may not already know.

 

So...

 

Kyle Gibson loves life, God, his wife, family, and his job. He is a fan of Cool Runnings.

 

I'm not sure what Scott Kazmir loves, but apparently he is a fan of New Balance shoes. Honestly! By the way, are inside jokes bad jokes? Because if they are, I'll explain: Hrbowski and I were at a high school baseball game the other day which was being televised. We stood right next to the announcers, and they didn't know a thing about baseball. I half expected them to start explaining that the front edge of the pitching rubber is 18 inches (45.7 cm) behind the center of the mound, making the front edge's midpoint 60' 6" (18.4 m) from the rear point of home plate. As it was, they called balls that the catcher had to go out of his way to catch wild pitches and didn't know what tagging up was. For goodness' sake, Bowsk and I could have done a better job (well, I guess that kind of goes without saying, but...). Anyway, they resorted to talking about things they (sort of) knew about: "Grant Gibson is a fan of New Balance shoes, just like my dad." It was comical, though sadly one of those moments you had to witness to find anything funny about it. But now you know.

 

Finally, I think that hitters have an unfair advantage over pitchers. They can score as many runs as they want in an inning, but pitchers are limited to three outs per inning. Therefore, it sometimes takes only one solo shot in the 1st that lasts throughout the whole game to win it, while pitchers have to keep coming back to get three outs - and then wait - and then come back and get three more outs - and then wait - and meanwhile hitters might have scored anywhere between 0-20 runs (or more) in a single inning, and nobody ever dreams of putting a limit to the amount they can put on the board. And the cycle continues until the game is finally over. I don't understand how that can possibly be fair, but our respectable forefathers wanted it this way, and even I will stand by tradition and support the practice. But once again, I have this feeling deep down in my gut that it can't possibly be fair.

 

 

Well, I hope I've provided you with some (but not too much) thought-provoking material. It's the best I could come up with. I suppose Brian will read this with his critical eye for mistakes, almost as slowly as I took to write the whole thing, yet almost as quickly as he takes to write his. Raising an eyebrow every now and then, he will finally pause several minutes to ruminate over this last paragraph (meanwhile wondering what the occasional bold lines could have meant), and then, all of a sudden -

 

"BAWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

 

To which I will reply in a small, hurt voice:

 

"I didn't think it was that bad."

[Craig Arko]

There's a chance at least one of these folks are Twins fans.

 

https://www.aem.umn.edu/info/update/2001-02/astronautsMN.shtml

[Mike Sixel]

Great writeup. Wow.

[bluechipper]

Looks like it's the "A" lineup for the Twins tonight. Yikes. 

[sampleSizeOfOne]

Saw something about Oakland getting Crisp back. We counter with Rosario in right!

 

Guess the future is now...

 

Oh, i like the theme of the intro!

[Bark's Lounge]

Since I can no longer post my own pictures.

 

This is the best I have...

 

The A's must be destroyed.

 

http://www.history.com/images/media/slideshow/teddy-roosevelt/theodore-roosevelt-elephant.jpg

[D. Hocking]

 

 I'm not sure if there are any Twins fans in outer space - 

 

 

 

I do wonder from time to time if a couple of the people posting here might be from outer space...

[Craig Arko]

I do wonder from time to time if a couple of the people posting here might be from outer space...

[ashbury]

 In fact, they're so terrible, I don't know if you'll even notice them, but it won't hurt to be on the lookout (though not in Chattanooga).

I noticed one!

[D. Hocking]

 

 

I don't know how I did not see it before -- the Vulcan philosophy focusing on logic, suppression of emotions, and an intellectual maturity greatly permeates every thread.

[Platoon]

Since I can no longer post my own pictures.

 

This is the best I have...

 

The A's must be destroyed.

 

http://www.history.com/images/media/slideshow/teddy-roosevelt/theodore-roosevelt-elephant.jpg

This seems a little excessive, it is after all just a baseball game! :)

[Craig Arko]

I don't know how I did not see it before -- the Vulcan philosophy focusing on logic, suppression of emotions, and an intellectual maturity greatly permeates every thread.

Be one with the rock.

[ashbury]

I do wonder from time to time if a couple of the people posting here might be from outer space...

Different take, same theme:

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h47fNaOb-JU

[ashbury]

Since I can no longer post my own pictures.

 

This is the best I have...

 

The A's must be destroyed.

No TC logo on Teddy's hat?

[Bark's Lounge]

 

No TC logo on Teddy's hat?

Nope. Don't have the space capacity to do it. Although, I feel like your taking a dig at me with that post

[ashbury]

Although, I feel like your taking a dig at me with that post

Definitely not. Wasn't sure what you meant about not being able to post your own pictures. I'm not sure what limit you have hit in your account, but you might try going to your Gallery area and delete a large GIF or two and see if that enables you to upload new pictures.

 

Or, ask Brock for technical assistance.

 

I know I'd hate to be unable to upload a picture to a game thread, once every few weeks or so.

[ashbury]

Terry Ryan = TR = Teddy Roosevelt.

Bully!

[Bark's Lounge]

 

Definitely not. Wasn't sure what you meant about not being able to post your own pictures. I'm not sure what limit you have hit in your account, but you might try going to your Gallery area and delete a large GIF or two and see if that enables you to upload new pictures.

 

Or, ask Brock for technical assistance.

 

I know I'd hate to be unable to upload a picture to a game thread, once every few weeks or so.

I have nothing in my gallery. I always download pictures from a file on my computer. I did ask Brock for assistance lately, and he did help me out with this same problem last fall. Maybe he is getting sick of my act and high maintenance. I can't blame him.

 

You roll with the punches.

[formerly33]

 

I have nothing in my gallery. I always download pictures from a file on my computer. I did ask Brock for assistance lately, and he did help me out with this same problem last fall. Maybe he is getting sick of my act and high maintenance. I can't blame him.

 

You roll with the punches.

Mine acts up too. I can only upload my own photos in thread starters, but I have my ways. I upload my photos to a different source, copy the link (as you obviously did with TR), and ditto.

[formerly33]

 

Nope. Don't have the space capacity to do it. Although, I feel like your taking a dig at me with that post

What a relief. At first I wondered if some angry moderator had banned you. I guess we can all play the glad game that this isn't the case.

[Bark's Lounge]

 

Mine acts up too. I can only upload my own photos in thread starters, but I have my ways. I upload my photos to a different source, copy the link (as you obviously did with TR), and ditto.

It does not work that way when you create your own photos in Photoshop, unless I am missing something?

[Winston Smith]

http://www.startrek.com/uploads/assets/articles/gul-with-baseball.jpg

[formerly33]

 

It does not work that way when you create your own photos in Photoshop, unless I am missing something?

Well, if Photoshop works the same as Photoshop Lightroom, select an edited photo, go to the menu bar and click "file," go down to "export," and click on that. I would recommend exporting as JPEG, but be sure to bring up the quality to 100%. Export it to a sub-folder in your "Pictures" file, and then head over to TD. Click on your name in the upper right-hand corner, then click on "Gallery." Create a gallery and upload that photo. You can upload them to posts from the "My Media" section in the editing bar.

 

Hope this helps. In fact, I don't know but that you already know all that. If you do, I really don't know what to say. Just trying to be helpful.

[ashbury]

 

http://www.startrek.com/uploads/assets/articles/gul-with-baseball.jpg

Keeping up with the Cardassians, I see.

[Bark's Lounge]

I want to get this off my chest. In the 3+ years I have been a member of this site, at least half of the time I have been a detriment and pain to the ass of this site. I take responsibility and understand the errors of my ways.

 

I leave it at that.

[formerly33]

 

Keeping up with the Cardassians, I see.

I can't imagine living without the #1 basic necessity of life, i.e. plastic surgery. How could anybody ever succeed in the world without their beautiful (though fake) face? Horror of horrors. Such things should not be thought of.

 

Or should I quip, "Let them have plastic surgery."

[Craig Arko]

http://www.startrek.com/uploads/assets/articles/gul-with-baseball.jpg

We know Sisko will be coming back.

[Craig Arko]

I want to get this off my chest. In the 3+ years I have been a member of this site, at least half of the time I have been a detriment and pain to the ass of this site. I take responsibility and understand the errors of my ways.

 

I leave it at that.

I'll bid 50,000 quatloos on the other half.

[formerly33]

 

I want to get this off my chest. In the 3+ years I have been a member of this site, at least half of the time I have been a detriment and pain to the ass of this site. I take responsibility and understand the errors of my ways.

 

I leave it at that.

Well, having only been here about half a year, I wouldn't know conclusively, but from what I've observed, this can't possibly be true. Unless, in fact, I am the same. ChiTown has been helping me with my problems. I suppose she helped you put in your interests, too? That's the feature that doesn't work for me.

 

ETA: Hey, you don't have interests. Did you choose not to add them, or do you not have that option, either?

[Hosken Bombo Disco]

 

┴Ɔ ɯd0Ɩ:ㄥ @ 9/ϛ 'sɔᴉʇǝlɥʇ∀ ˙sʌ suᴉʍ┴ 'pɐǝɹɥ┴ ǝɯɐפ

 

I feel like I have "Dǝjɐ ∀n" all over again! *

 

 

* deja vu