Early Returns Mixed On Minnesota’s ‘We’ll Be OK If Nobody Gets Hurt’ Plan

[RandBalls Stu]

Image courtesy of Unsplash/Marcus Winkler

Despite projections in the 72-80 win range and a remarkably small payroll, Twins owner Tom Pohlad said he expected the team to be competitive in the AL Central. The lack of splashy free-agent signings or big trades led almost everyone in Twins territory to question this goal.

Still, Pohlad expressed remarkable confidence in his team, going so far as to give an impassioned speech to the squad on the first day of spring training. In an unfortunate bit of timing, this was followed by staff ace Pablo López likely going out for the season with an elbow injury.

Sources say adding insult to this particular injury was the flaw it exposed in Pohlad’s Top Secret Pennant Plan, or PTSPP, known to only a handful of front office employees. 

“The main tenet of PTSPP was ‘We’ll Be OK If Nobody Gets Hurt'," said a person with knowledge of the plan. “In fact, it was the only tenet. Lots of white space on the paper.”

Pohlad was reportedly very disappointed when they learned the extent of the López injury, which is likely to result in a second Tommy John procedure for the All-Star hurler.

“He was definitely upset,” said the source. “He repeatedly asked (new Twins general manager Jeremy) Zoll how often pitchers get hurt like this. Jeremy said quite often. I don’t think Tom liked that answer.

“Then Jeremy told him this happens to every other team. It made him feel a little better, even though Jeremy couldn’t tell him when or to whom it would happen.”

The source says Pohlad is calling an emergency meeting of team stakeholders to reveal PTSPP 2.0 on Friday.

“I’m not at liberty to discuss the details, but I can reveal that there are two to three sentences.”

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[Reptevia]

Time to trade Ryan. Draft pick!  Draft pick!

[Cris E]

OK, new plan is get rid of pitchers. They all get hurt eventually and they're really expensive. The new plan calls for a lot of very durable utility infielders, fourth OF and backup catchers. We've gotten a lot of innings from these guys over the years and they seem to have a decent ERA.  

[The Great Hambino]

On 2/18/2026 at 5:47 PM, RandBalls Stu said:

Pohlad was reportedly very disappointed when they learned the extent of the López injury, which is likely to result in a second Tommy John procedure for the All-Star hurler.

“He was definitely upset,” said the source. “He repeatedly asked (new Twins general manager Jeremy) Zoll how often pitchers get hurt like this. Jeremy said quite often. I don’t think Tom liked that answer.

“Then Jeremy told him this happens to every other team. It made him feel a little better, even though Jeremy couldn’t tell him when or to whom it would happen.”

 

These are really starting to blur the lines between satire and reality.  

[LastOnePicked]

If Pablo's contract was insured for full value, can we be 100% certain this wasn't sabotage? I mean, I heard he was trying to get a "see how many cases of water bottles you can carry with one hand" competition going this spring. Also called the "Jose Miranda Challenge."

[USAFChief]

3 hours ago, The Great Hambino said:

These are really starting to blur the lines between satire and reality.  

"Satireality"

[The Great Hambino]

12 minutes ago, USAFChief said:

"Satireality"

Realitire? 

Yeah, satireality is better

[USAFChief]

6 minutes ago, The Great Hambino said:

Realitire? 

Yeah, satireality is better

I know. I gave it a great deal of thought before hitting "Submit Reply."

[sampleSizeOfOne]

I think Stoodtire* is what you are looking for. Also distinct from pronetire which is best to take lying down.

 

 

But then, what do i know...
 

 

 

 

*-(alternate spellings like StuTire are acceptable)

[sampleSizeOfOne]

On 2/18/2026 at 6:47 PM, RandBalls Stu said:

Image courtesy of Unsplash/Marcus Winkler

Team should invest in a Clark Nova to file reports. Has Mythic Resonance.

 

 

PS actually considering that picture, that's an enormous font for that typewriter! It has become my favorite part of the article.

[ashbury]

1 hour ago, USAFChief said:

I know. I gave it a great deal of thought before hitting "Submit Reply."

How much additional thought did you give to "allegoreality"?

[sampleSizeOfOne]

34 minutes ago, ashbury said:

How much additional thought did you give to "allegoreality"?

Less than i gave to "Submit Reply", i'm sad to admit. That's a really good one.

I'll trade ya some beans for it?

[sampleSizeOfOne]

On 2/18/2026 at 6:47 PM, RandBalls Stu said:

but I can reveal that there are two to three sentences.”

I approve such ambiguity of punctuation. A whole paragraph assuages my concerns, almos t as much as a "break glass in case of" sign might. Hard to say for sure without a side by side comparison.

[Hosken Bombo Disco]

2 hours ago, USAFChief said:

"Satireality"

When trying to put my thoughts about this team into writing, I have been out of words for months.

It's good to see a new word come out of nowhere! 😀

[ashbury]

52 minutes ago, Hosken Bombo Disco said:

It's good to see a new word come out of nowhere! 😀

Ow! is a word that comes out of nowhere!

[USAFChief]

1 hour ago, ashbury said:

Ow! is a word that comes out of nowhere!

Here now!

[USAFChief]

3 hours ago, ashbury said:

How much additional thought did you give to "allegoreality"?

Not much, recently.

 

[Hosken Bombo Disco]

2 hours ago, ashbury said:

Ow! is a word that comes out of nowhere!

Maybe the Twins will come out of nowhere! 🙂

[gil4]

15 hours ago, Hosken Bombo Disco said:

When trying to put my thoughts about this team into writing, I have been out of words for months.

It's good to see a new word come out of nowhere! 😀

Yeah, finally some words that fit yet won't get us banned from the site.  

[sampleSizeOfOne]

I probably should have pointed out before now that not hurt is pretty much the definition of okay. (or OK if that's how you type)

 

So yeah, we need new words when we get hurt.