Hipster Twins Fan Torn on Ironic Opening Day Jersey Choice

[RandBalls Stu]

The U of M grad student/barista has a closet full of garb from half-forgotten Twins stars, role players, and busts.

Image courtesy of Unsplash/Caleb Lucas

Carter Benjamin can’t decide.

“Lots of Twins fans would walk into a thrift store, see a red Ron Coomer Twins jersey for $12, and think it’s the best day of their life,” said the 24-year-old Minneapolis resident. “For me, it’s hell.”

Benjamin, an insufferable hipster, added that Coomer jersey to an already substantial collection of off-the-beaten-path Twins garb. Now, the question is whether it gets worn to Target Field for next Thursday’s Opening Day tilt versus the Houston Astros.

“The thing is, Coomer was actually pretty good on some super bad teams, and he still does broadcast work in Chicago,” said Benjamin. “It would be so much easier if he sucked or got arrested for swindling widows.”

Fortunately for the U of M grad student/barista, his closet runneth over with forgotten Twins of yore.

“Someone online, for some reason, was selling a Jaime Garcia shirsey,” said Benjamin, referring to the starting pitcher who hurled precisely one game for Minnesota between trades with St. Louis and the Yankees in 2017. “$7.99 for something priceless. I hadn’t felt that way since walking into the Woodbury Goodwill and seeing three medium Joe May t-shirts. I’m an XL, but I bought all three, anyway.”

“My gameworn (Tsuyoshi) Nishioka home jersey is an elite choice. But the last time I wore it to a game, some other wiseass in the Hrbek’s bar had an away one. I didn’t even stay for the end, I just left. Sick of this.”

Sources close to Benjamin say a Butch Huskey spring training jersey and a threadbare 1991 Twins World Series sweatshirt autographed by Steve Bedrosian and former Minnesota Timberwolves center Randy Breuer are also in the running for the team’s 2025 Target Field debut.  

For his part, Benjamin says the final decision will be based more on vibes than merit.

“Some people wake up and choose violence. I wake up and choose Kevin Slowey's starter jacket. We'll see how the day plays out.”

Image license here.

View full article

[Brock Beauchamp]

I bet this one stings @Greggory Masterson.

[Doctor Wu]

Nishioka, Slowey, Huskey, Jaimie Garcia, Joe May ... ugh, I think I'll pop a Tylenol and take a nap now. 

[Greggory Masterson]

1 hour ago, Brock Beauchamp said:

I bet this one stings @Greggory Masterson.

come on

edit: for the uninitiated

Edited March 28, 2025 by Greggory Masterson

[sampleSizeOfOne]

16 hours ago, Greggory Masterson said:

come on

edit: for the uninitiated

I am not worthy.

 

ps. Ortiz beside a Lecroy is an elegant touch.

Edited March 29, 2025 by sampleSizeOfOne
credit due

[Joe A. Preusser]

Ron Davis FTW!

Or Marty Cordova from his SECOND year.

[Bodie]

"Hipster Twins Fan Torn" is what showed up in my Google feed.

Imagine my disappointment when the full headline did not include any  of the following words: "pack",  "feral" or "dogs".

Thought we'd have an article to unite us to a man, but alas....