Start Crafting Your Opening Day Excuse Today

[RandBalls Stu]

The home opener is Thurs., Apr. 4, at 3:10 PM. How are you lying to your boss to attend?

Image courtesy of Flickr/Eric Kilby

With less than three weeks left before the Minnesota Twins home opener, fans are already preparing. Travel plans, pregame bar meetups, jersey choices—the list goes on.

But what are you going to tell your boss?

Some reading this might have the luxury of taking a half or full day of paid time off, but many don’t. Now is the time to get your bald-faced lies down. As a wise man once said, “Desperation is a stinky cologne.” Don’t wait until noon on the 4th to develop a half-assed scratchy throat. Prepare your wild untruth now, so you can deliver it with confidence and conviction at the appropriate hour.

Some advice:

• If you’re playing the sick relative card, make sure it’s NOT an immediate family member. People are going to remember that. Aunt Kathryn has the sciatica real bad and we’re holding a benefit dinner for her in the church basement. There, done and dusted.
• Make the “appointment” on your schedule mysterious enough that they don’t ask further questions. Could be a medical thing you don’t want to talk about. Could be for your kid. It’s none of their business, and they got yelled at about HIPAA by HR that one time.
• If you’re the one who’s going to be “sick,” start the “there’s a nasty new bug going around” chatter no later than Mar. 20. Water cooler, Slack, email, Teams—bring it up repeatedly. Your neighbor has had it for a week and isn’t getting any better, as far as your co-workers know.

The nightmare scenario is flawlessly executing your fabrication, only to run into your boss at the game. Fortunately, the solution remains the same as it’s always been:

1. Look them straight in the eye.
2. Say, “You’re mistaken, I don’t know who that is, and I don’t know who you are.”
3. Call for an usher to remove them from Target Field. Failing that, a new life in a new town with a new name worked for Jon Hamm in Mad Men, and that show won a bunch of awards. Believe in yourself.

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[LewFordLives]

If only we could all live the life of Don Draper. Then again, he never seemed very happy.

[BobAzar]

I am doctor. If anyone needs a doctor's note for opening day. I got you.

My clinic manager has told me that any PTO request has automatic approval if its sports related, which is nice. 

ETA: also, with the resurgence of vaccine-eradicated diseases (*sigh*), feel free to pick measles, or polio or something similar. 

[Rod Carews Birthday]

Real H.S. student excuse for being late to a pit orchestra rehearsal. . . . “Sorry I’m late.  My flight from Paris was late and I had to run a case of napkins to Taco Bell on my way here.”

 

[The Great Hambino]

My boss is hundreds of miles away, so blocking off an afternoon with "meetings" shouldn't be a problem.

I'm going to do a test run of using the new gold bus line to get to the park (switching over to the green line in downtown St Paul).  At least that's how I'm justifying leaving my wife alone with two kids in diapers for dinner/bedtime.

The things I do for this family ....

[KnoblauchWasFramed]

*** Amazing Side Note ***

Not related to this current story but I just realized again this morning that Opening Day is less than two weeks away now and I still have no actual solid idea on how I'm going to be watching Twins games.  I have DirecTV and I have not been able to find anything anywhere that tells me if I am either going to be paying them more to watch the Twins on a new dedicated channel/network, or if my only option is to get the Twins App for streaming games... and if so, is this available on SmartTVs or just my phone?

Is anyone else in the same position, or is it just me right now?  Does anyone have information on what's going on with the Twins on this???

[thelanges5]

1 hour ago, KnoblauchWasFramed said:

*** Amazing Side Note ***

Not related to this current story but I just realized again this morning that Opening Day is less than two weeks away now and I still have no actual solid idea on how I'm going to be watching Twins games.  I have DirecTV and I have not been able to find anything anywhere that tells me if I am either going to be paying them more to watch the Twins on a new dedicated channel/network, or if my only option is to get the Twins App for streaming games... and if so, is this available on SmartTVs or just my phone?

Is anyone else in the same position, or is it just me right now?  Does anyone have information on what's going on with the Twins on this???

Last year this was announced the day prior to opening day for the Padres and DBacks. I would assume/expect the same for the Twins. MLB is still working with the providers on channels packaging etc. 

[Brandon]

I’m using the political excuse from both sides of the isle……. Biden’s corrupt spending and Trump’s tariff are making it too expensive to sign the players we need.  

[ashbury]

My father-in-law, RIP, raised his daughter right.  Took her and her twin brother to Opening Day at Wrigley every season, back when it didn't cost a middle-class family the year's entire entertainment/vacation budget. 

So, this year, just have your dad come to the principal's office and sign you out from work.  Easy peasy.

[AftonTwinsFan]

On 3/14/2025 at 12:01 PM, KnoblauchWasFramed said:

*** Amazing Side Note ***

Not related to this current story but I just realized again this morning that Opening Day is less than two weeks away now and I still have no actual solid idea on how I'm going to be watching Twins games.  I have DirecTV and I have not been able to find anything anywhere that tells me if I am either going to be paying them more to watch the Twins on a new dedicated channel/network, or if my only option is to get the Twins App for streaming games... and if so, is this available on SmartTVs or just my phone?

Is anyone else in the same position, or is it just me right now?  Does anyone have information on what's going on with the Twins on this???

Yes, the MLB app can be used on a Smart TV, Roku, etc.  Just install the app like you would Hulu, Netflix, etc and log in with your credentials.

[Joe A. Preusser]

I see three options.

I'm dying.  I'm literally on my last months of life and the make-a-wish folks are bringing me to a game.  3 months from now?  IT'S A MIRACLE!

Mid-life crisis.  I'm fricken 46!?!  My life is 2/3 over.  I'm either hitting on the hot intern, buying a sports car, or going to THIS game.  Who is going to stop me?

I'm still in my 20s.  Just don't care.  I do what I want.  Gonna fire me?  Unlikely.

This is all fanciful for me, since I consume my sports exclusively via radio,  Best of luck to you all.