Things I Personally Blame on the New York Yankees, Who I Just Don’t Like

[RandBalls Stu]

Can't stand 'em!

Image courtesy of Wikimedia Commons/Scott Kipp

Remember last year, when the Twins won the season series versus the New York Yankees? It was great! After decades of humbling, soul-crushing defeats, the Twins were the better team--both at Target Field and, somehow, at Yankee Stadium. It felt like a prelude to Minnesota also relieving itself of its humbling, soul-crushing playoff losing streak, while the Yankees missed the postseason entirely.

So, about this year.

The Yankees have returned to form, holding the best record in the American League as of this writing. The Twins cut payroll and sustained a ton of injuries, but a scorching 17-3 run entering their first series with the Bronx Bombers provided optimism.

It didn’t last. The starting pitchers surrendered mammoth dongs, the offense was anemic, and the defense was a SuperFund site. It all contributed to a series sweep at home and a familiar, nauseating sensation. Yankees vs. Twins is back, and it sucks.

But you don’t need me to tell you that. What you need is a list of things I personally blame on the New York Yankees, whom I hate with a renewed vigor:

• Human want.
• The assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand, triggering the start of World War I.
• Google search being nothing but ads now.
• Amazon not renewing Patriot for a third season.
• Mosquitoes.
• Climate change.
• The dang kids these days.
• Aaron Boone time-traveling to 1919 and giving Shoeless Joe Jackson an old-timey Draft Kings account, kickstarting the Black Sox scandal.
• Canadian wildfire smoke.
• Fanatics uniforms.
• The price of eggs.
• The ravages of age and time.
• The Mayor of Amity not closing the beaches on July 4th, even though there’s obviously a great white shark in the water.
• ESPN airing debate shows in the morning instead of Sports Center.
• Yung Gravy.
• Lumpy Gravy.
• Wavy Gravy.
• Steve Garvey.
• The Savings & Loan Crisis.
• Three Mile Island.
• Chernobyl.
• Injuries to all the good pitchers.
• No one ever making a documentary about the Rally Room.
• Hangnails.
• The Salem witch trials.
• The Teapot Dome Scandal.
• The road construction between Woodbury and Hudson.
• The ‘90s swing revival.
• The dude from Staind becoming a country singer and somehow getting worse.
• Dallas stealing the North Stars.
• Hangovers.
• Loneliness.
• Nikola Jokic destroying your hopes and dreams despite looking and moving like a sock full of oatmeal.

In conclusion, I just don’t like the New York Yankees. God does, though, and that just makes me madder.

Image license here.

View full article

[Riverbrian]

The Yankees are also responsible for the naming of Grand Island, NE and Big Lake, MN despite the absence of an island or lake larger than the average. 

[ToddlerHarmon]

I once swerved to miss the Yankees and ran into a tree

[Bodie]

4 minutes ago, ToddlerHarmon said:

I once swerved to miss the Yankees and ran into a tree

Odd...

 

My fondest dream involved swerving to miss a tree and running over the Yankees!

[sampleSizeOfOne]

1 hour ago, Riverbrian said:

The Yankees are also responsible for the naming of Grand Island, NE and Big Lake, MN despite the absence of an island or lake larger than the average. 

Did they have anything to do with Wall Drug?

 

Their stadium is apparently 1,653 miles away.

[BobAzar]

I'm adding my father-in-law's pancreatic cancer. He hated those "GOD DAMN YANKEES!" so much. RIP

[sampleSizeOfOne]

2 hours ago, RandBalls Stu said:

The price of eggs.

And also the price of chickens, i presume?

[sampleSizeOfOne]

2 hours ago, RandBalls Stu said:

Fanatics uniforms.

I was expecting this to be a new sports franchise i was unfamiliar with, and commend them for a brilliant name. Now that i look them up i realize they are just another big company getting more coverage than they deserve.... Yeah, it's the Yankees' fault.

 

[GCTF]

The Rally Monkey feels like a glaring omission.

[sampleSizeOfOne]

2 hours ago, RandBalls Stu said:

Google search being nothing but ads now.

Are there any search engines the Yankee's haven't corrupted?

[DJL44]

Steve Garvey is the Dodgers' fault.

[IndianaTwin]

2 hours ago, Riverbrian said:

The Yankees are also responsible for the naming of Grand Island, NE and Big Lake, MN despite the absence of an island or lake larger than the average. 

And no mountain in Mountain Lake, MN.

 

Also, no actual rally in Rally Sausage. Too soon? 

[dxpavelka]

On 5/17/2024 at 6:29 AM, Riverbrian said:

The Yankees are also responsible for the naming of Grand Island, NE and Big Lake, MN despite the absence of an island or lake larger than the average. 

How about the fact that South Troy MN, is north of Troy MN?