Twins Video
The Minnesota Twins are about as set to break their record-breaking playoff losing streak as they could possibly be. Excellent starting pitchers, a young lineup that was in daycare when the losses began mounting, and an early clinch to get their rotation set and ailing starters rehabbed for Game 1 of the ALDS.
Umpire Phil Cuzzi can’t wait to turn those expectations into a weeping, caterwauling sadness.
“It’s funny how you hear teams say, ‘they control their own destiny,’” said Cuzzi, whose infamous botched call of a Joe Mauer hit in the 2009 ALDS changed the course of that series and helped continue what is now an 18-game playoff skid. “No one controls their own destiny. That’s why it’s called destiny. And to be very clear, I control the Minnesota Twins destiny, should I choose to.”
Although crews have not been announced for the upcoming wild card series, Cuzzi has let his fellow umpires know he’s ready to step in and step on the neck of any Twins rally.
“Their playoff losing streak is formidable,” said Cuzzi, smiling while stroking a hairless cat and wearing a burgundy smoking jacket. “I’d like to help keep it going.”
When told that many local fans blame him for the worst loss in that 18-game stretch, Cuzzi declined to take credit.
“It’s a team game, period,” said Cuzzi. “Many hands make light work. It wasn’t me who told them to start an Uber driver in 2019. It wasn’t me who told Torii Hunter to swan dive for that liner in 2006. Phil Cuzzi didn’t say, ‘Hey, let’s have Joe Nathan throw 100 [expletive] pitches in relief’ in 2004. Everyone must do their job for something this beautiful to take place.”
Cuzzi drew the ire of the Twins earlier this season when he helped the Los Angeles Dodgers defeat the Twins by extending Alex Kirilloff’s strike zone to both dugouts.
“Oh, right, the Dodgers game,” said Cuzzi, chuckling. “Sometimes you want to sharpen your skills during the regular season. They needed a reminder that, should they be so lucky as to return to the postseason, I could end them with a mere strike call.
“There’s nothing they can do. There’s nothing you can do. I look forward to reminding everyone when the time comes.”
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