Alright folks listen up I have some thoughts I want to get off my chest and I'm digging deeper then a home run hit by the REAL TC Bear at the Metrodome so buckle up.  In this essay, I will explore and evaluate Carlos Correa's performance as assistant general manager, 2 years in.

On January 11th 2023 a day that will live in infamy Carlos Correa who was turned down because of medicals by the giants and Mets came crawling back to Minnesota because no one else would take him and he got 200 million buckaroos to boot.  And that fateful day he was dubbed "assistant general manager of the Minnesota Twins" by Thad Levine and Scott Boris.  Miriam Webster defines assistant as "a person who assists someone" general as "not confined by specialization or careful limitation" and manager as "a person who conducts business or household affairs" so that means Correa is someone who assists the business of the Twins that is not confined by specialization.

Now I have a gripe to pick with that definition as Correa is confined by specialization he's just a defensive specialist stop me if you heard this before but he's just another Mark Belanger in the field and he shouldn't hit higher then seventh.  But I suppose that's besides the point because these days there changing grammar rules to fit what people are more comfortable with.  Just the other year the Associated Press (whom I would never want to associate with) said that "less" and "fewer" are interchangeable now. Folks,, that's fewer then ideal if you ask me.  Fewer refers to quantifiable entities but less refers to things you can't "count."  Theres less sand on the beach but fewer grains of sand I'll just leave it at that if you catch my drift.

But I digress.  With Correa's new title as assistant general manager (abbreviated to AGM henceforth) comes responsibility.  Just like Uncle Ben told Luke Skywalker, with Great Power Comes Great Responsibility.  So where is his assistant general manager responsibility when cheap pohlad issues a edict from on high that the Twins are cutting payroll.  The pocket protectors at the Athletic reported that it could be as low as 125 million but with how buddy-buddy those clowns are with the owners, I would guess it will be closer to 115 DESPITE the taxpayer funded stadium.

If Carlos Correa is really the AGM, why hasn't he stepped up to the plate and forced cheap pohlad to recant his ways?  A true leader would walk right up to that man and demand a bigger payroll, even if that meant he got cut and didn't get his 30 million dollars a year.  It's called integrity.  My first job I walked into the managers office and said "sir I would like a job" and look at me now I'm the floor supervisor.  It's called initiative.  cheap pohlad might even like his gumption.  The Twins are paying Correa enough that he shouldn't be afraid to step up and do the right thing but I guess that's just how baseballer are raised these days when they don't live in fear of Bob Gibson or Christy Mathewson or Eddie Cicotte putting one in there earhole.

Speaking of doing the right thing, the Twins never bunt except for scrappy infielder Jorge Polanco and my favorite player Michael A. Taylor who sneakily plays the game the right way.  Why hasn't Correa sat Baldelli (the "field manager") and told him "No Rocco, we're playing smallball now.  Its not 2019 anymore.  If it was good enough for the 1927 Yankees than why isn't it good enough for the 2024 Twins."  As AGM, he is Rocco's boss.  He's a puppet for the front office anyway and that includes Carlos.

And another thing, speaking about bunting.  How come bunting is only placed around the stadiums after the fourth of July (Independence Day).  I really like those little half-circle flags.  They really tie the field together and it reminds us of the greatest country God ever invented where we play the greatest Sport He ever invented,  It's like how there's no jobs for pumping gas anymore.  We just take things away that are useful and good to streamline the process, which is probably why Driveline is personally snipping 14 year olds' UCLs so they have to get Tommy John surgery.

Anyway, I want to point out some hypocrisy from our friend Carlos.  He exerted his influence to make signings like his old Astros friend Christian Vazquez and also Dallas Keuchel.  But he's refusing to put his foot down and challenge cheap pohald on one little thing?  And don't come at me siting things like "The Ballys's Situation" because that's a load of hogwash.  If Derek and Thad "the smartest guys in the room" couldn't see this whole thing come crashing down then why are they paid for?  But of course the whole Ballys's situation blew up in everyone's faces and now we have half the screen taken up by bally betting lines (there a gambling company like the Bellagio).  But of course you can gamble during the baseball game from your smart TV but Pete Rose, an upstanding public figure, bet on some games that he had control over and made in-game decisions based on whether or not he bet on that game and now he can't get into the Hall of Fame?  What a joke.

Speaking of fairness and equality, [Hi, this is Greggory's wife, Earnestine.  I have been editting this post and fixing type-os for Greggory, but I'm making the executive decisions to omit this paragraph.  While his head was in the right place, Greggory's calls to rename singles to "gentleman singles" and walks to "lady singles" in an effort to promote gender equality probably didn't come off in the right way.]

And so that brings me to my next point.  Carlos Correa needs to also reconsider the money he's making.  Instead of trading a team legend like all-American boy Max Kepler (who I would let date my daughter) to shave salary, maybe Carlos could consider a paycut.  Based on Fan Graphs WAR he was only worth about 15 million dollars which is a kings ransom for Buxton but okay for Correa, so maybe he should except the paycut down to 15 million.  IF he's as committed to winning as he said then maybe he's willing to do so.  It's what leaders do.  Or maybe he could restructure his contract a la Kurt Cousins.

I once had a offer to double my salary and jump over to the meat packing plant but I know the value of loyalty and look at me now I'm the floor supervisor.  So that's what's got this on my mind like a Sheboygan sausage, which reminds me whatever happened to the Hormel W***** Winner Row?  I never got one but I always wanted a free DomeDog.

This winter, if Carlos Correa wants to prove that he has earned the title of AGM, well then it's time to start putting the money where his mouth is.  It's just sad to watch this childrens' game become a big money grab for everyone involved.  Sure, back in the day you had your Chick Gandils and Billy Mahargs, but they were the exception not the rules.  Owners used to be willing to spend on their teams.  Remember the time that Tommy Lasorda beat up the San Diego Chicken?  But the game we used to love is now dominated by launch velocity and exit angle and seam shifted wake and they don't give away physical ticket stubs either.  I can only add it to my Apple Wallet which is the only billfold you can't put in your back pocket or else it will break.

Everything is just too streamlined and money focused these days which is probably why downtowns don't decorate for Christmas anymore.  I miss seeing wreaths and tinsel and statues of Santa now the only place I can go to get that ambiance is the hellhole that is Duluth, MN.  But even Duluth makes they're downtown look like that all year.  It's like they waited for Bing Crosby's song Winter Wonderland to hit the public domain then made a town around it.  just another sign of the corporatization of middle America.  Speaking of winters in Minnesota why didn't they build a roof on Target Field? Probably never expected to have a playoff game in October which is why cheap pohlad only invests enough to pretend to compete like signing Carlos Correa when they could have signed 42 minimum-salary players for the same money.  And don't even start with me about how having a roof on Target Field would mean fans can't see the Minnesota skyline because let me tell you about downtown Minnesota. Ever since [Earnestine again; we are going to skip this part].

Which brings me to my final point and thesis.  I think that the Twins rolled out the red carpet for Correa and he didn't deserve it.  Beyond the salary, he also got "Star Wars Night" instituted and I'm here to say that he's not even a real nerd because Kylo Ren and the Sequel Series are NOT cannon.  I consider myself more of a Trekkie myself they really have some good messages about inclusivity unlike Star Wars which is all about space wizards for children committing terrorism against the state.  But Correa has probably never even read Asimov or knows the rules to robots.

So the Twins did all that work to bring him in and the fans have nothing to show for it.  Just another Hershel Walker trade and Parise and Suter.  When will he earn his salary and demand cheap pohlad invest in this team?  Probably never.  Instead they'll probably trade all there good players for prospects who will just be traded again once there good.  And speaking of good I have one last thought.  I really miss seeing Mary Tyler Moore on the tube. She was a real fox and they don't make women like that [except for my loving wife Earnestine].  It's just frustrating that people these days don't value the same things anymore.  It says a lot about the state of our country, if you ask me.