Twins Video
1. Tony the Tiger – They’re Grrreat!!! Maybe so… but if you knew the history… that line will send a chill down your spine. Tony the Tiger is actually quite frightening. The Kellogg Company headquarters is located about 120 miles to the west of Detroit in Battle Creek, Michigan. Battle Creek was the ideal location for production of all the cereal brands they produce because of the rich springs of high fructose corn syrup that flows through the town creek. The fructose was so valuable that people would come from many miles to wash their pants in it. It was a muscular, deep voiced, English speaking, scarf wearing Tiger named Tony and his violent gang of Toucan Sam, Snap, Crackle and Pop, under the employ of Kellogg’s, that secured the creek’s resources for cereal production exclusively; and they did so through a series of bloody battles at the creek.
2. Tigger – North of Detroit lies the Hundred Acre Wood and an extreme subspecies of Tiger called a Tigger. Tiggers are slightly different from tigers… for example… the double G proves that they can’t spell… they have redickerous speech impediments… they tend to bounce around instead of stalking low to the ground... they go a very long time between meals... and they are clever enough to lull prey into a false sense of security by pretending friendship until they can catch them easily off guard. Tigger’s favorite foods are Rabbits, Piglets, Owls, Donkeys, Kangas, Roos and Pooh Bears.
3. Maneater – Oh-Oh Here she comes… Watch out Boy… She’ll chew you up. Brett Hull and Adam Oates wrote this song at Joe Louis Arena between periods of a hockey game between the Blues and Red Wings. They were inspired to write it after witnessing a female tiger burst into the visiting locker room and eat Boy O' Conner (Blues equipment manager). The Tiger was smuggled into the arena by a fan intending to replace the goofy octopus thing they do.
4. Siegfried and Roy – In October of 2003 during a show at the Mirage, Roy Horn was bitten in the neck by a 7 year old Tiger named Montecore in front of a live audience. Both Siegfried and Roy defended the Tiger’s behavior by saying that the cat was trying to protect him. After an extensive investigation… it was determined that the Tiger actually attacked Roy because it didn’t like the name Montecore and it was sick and tired of being painted White before every show.
5. Tiger Woods – His fame began in 1978 at the age of two when he putted on the Mike Douglas Show. At Age 3 he shot a 48 over nine holes. At age 8, he broke 80 over 18 holes for the first time. He won the Masters at age 20 and by the time he was 33… he had won 14 Majors. In 2009… Forbes Magazine declared that Tiger was the first athlete to earn over one billion dollars. Tiger was on top of the world but his much publicized fall from grace proved to be very costly. Not only did he lose his wife because of numerous affairs, a 2009 study estimated the shareholder loss from the affairs to be between 5 and 12 billion. Scrutiny was reaching a fever pitch so Tiger retreated from public life and attended a 45 day therapy program in the Virgin Islands. Afterwards they were renamed… “The Islands.”
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Lineups:
TWINS
Eduardo Nunez (R] SS
Joe Mauer (L) 1B
Miguel Sano (R] 3B
Brian Dozier (R] 2B
Max Kepler (L) RF
Robbie Grossman (S) DH
Eddie Rosario (L) LF
Kurt Suzuki (R] C
Byron Buxton (R] CF
Ricky Nolasco (R] P
TIGERS
Ian Kinsler (R] 2B
Cameron Maybin (R] CF
Miguel Cabrera (R] 1B
Victor Martinez (S) DH
Nick Castellanos (R] 3B
Justin Upton (R] LF
Mike Aviles (R] RF
Jarrod Saltalamacchia (S) C
Jose Iglesias (R] SS
Matt Boyd (L) P
Game-time forecast: 87 deg F, mostly clear, no chance of rain, winds at 10mph from the WNW.
Play ball! Go Twins!
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