100,000 March to State Capitol to Protest Royce Lewis Batting 8th in Lineup

[Lou Hennessy]

Image courtesy of Purple Wolf Graphics

Hordes of passionate Twins fans made their way to St. Paul to make sure their voices were heard on Saturday afternoon. Starting third baseman, Royce Lewis, has found a new home near the bottom of the lineup card, and these folks have already had enough of the nonsense of the young 2026 Twins season. 

“I couldn’t believe it when I saw the lineup come out this morning,” said Ed Malarkey as he waved his ‘BRING BACK ROCCO’ flag outside the Capitol building. “Batting him 8th? Again? Sheltie should’ve learned his lesson on Thursday!”

Indeed, manager Derek Shelton decided to keep Lewis in the eight hole, despite the massive outcry from the most dramatic corner of the fanbase. 
“It’s obvious that Lewis is a vibes guy,” Malarkey said while a stream of frustrated tears fell to his  shirt with a crossed out ‘8’ on it. “If you want him to perform, you need to make sure he gets his tablet time and a juice box, then you need to tell him how special he is, and then you bat him third. That’s what Tom Kelly did with Kirby Puckett, and now he’s my favorite player of all time, so you know it works.”
Despite the massive crowds who all voiced their displeasure over the weekend, Lewis seemed to take the decision as professionally as anyone could’ve asked of him. He didn’t complain to any reporters, and his relationship with Shelton certainly appears to be healthy as ever. It’s almost as if this 26-year-old professional athlete simply showed up, tried his best to compete for his team, and didn’t worry about something as petty as opening series lineup structure. 
“I gotta be honest, I was surprised to see him so low in the lineup. It’s all I could think about while Sheltie gave his pregame speech about it being an honor to wear this uniform, or whatever he was talking about,” said a fellow former first round pick who wished to remain anonymous. “I don’t know, I wasn’t really listening. I’m just kind of surprised I’m still on the team.”
The crowds at the capitol were reinforced with some star power, to boot. Rock legend Bruce Springsteen took the stage to sing "Heart of the Lineup," his new song that he wrote earlier in the week, with a chorus that directly reflects Lewis' current predicament. 

So come on, Skip, just give me a chance, 
I’ll pull through for you, just wait and see.
I got one more swing in me, I’m ready to unload, 
And I’m sick of hitting in front of Brooks Lee. 

The crowd of 100,000 ate every word, and gave a rousing round of applause as Springsteen exited the stage. He was followed in the program by Senator Bernie Sanders (I-Vermont), who captivated the audience with his honest thoughts on the matter, and the state of Twins baseball in general.
“It’s not right that someone like Royce Lewis should be relegated to so few at-bats, while nepo babies like Kody Clemens get to hoard so many opportunities simply because of who their dad was,” he shouted from behind a wall of bulletproof glass, in case of any potential threat from a rogue front office representative. “And enough with the targeted advertisements for $2 pregame beers. Instead, they should focus on making it easier for old coots to come to the game by themselves, with wired headphones and a walkman so that they can listen to the radio broadcast in peace. Is that too much to ask for?”
After Sanders’ speech, the hordes of disgruntled fans returned home, and awaited their call to action until the next time the team did something to piss them off. 
That next rally is tentatively scheduled for Wednesday afternoon. 
 

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[Linus]

Not funny. I particularly don’t care to have that important event used for satire. 

[Richie the Rally Goat]

[RpR]

I would think they would protest he should be back in AAA.

[Dave Borton]

50 minutes ago, Linus said:

Not funny. I particularly don’t care to have that important event used for satire. 

I protested at NK Day with Veterans for Peace and am ambivalent, though I understand the sentiment. 

I watch SNL and the potshots taken at very serious events. I say, "Good for the goose, good for the gray gander."

[Cris E]

But Gleeman said Royce has seven HR in 13 career starts in the 8 hole.  Could the people be stupid and wrong?  Could the stats be tiny and misleading?  My head hurts...

[Dave Borton]

3 hours ago, Cris E said:

But Gleeman said Royce has seven HR in 13 career starts in the 8 hole.  Could the people be stupid and wrong?  Could the stats be tiny and misleading?  My head hurts...

I had a long discussion with my physiatrist about Royce while she was trying to figure out the problem with my knee and back. How can such an athletic person be so injury prone? I also had Buxton in mind.

She said athleticism is apart from injury proneness. She was unfamiliar with either one but said often athletes OVERDUE training programs, further aggravating an injury prone body. Or at least those are my takeaways from the discussion. AND she fixed this old body.

[ashbury]

6 hours ago, Cris E said:

But Gleeman said Royce has seven HR in 13 career starts in the 8 hole.  Could the people be stupid and wrong?  Could the stats be tiny and misleading?  My head hurts...

/ edit - Oh, gosh darn it, I misread who I was looking up. Never mind.

[Cris E]

Now I'm having all sorts of fun trying to imagine what you put up for that moment. "Roy Smith never hit eighth, he was a pitcher." 
 

 

[ashbury]

2 hours ago, Cris E said:

Now I'm having all sorts of fun trying to imagine what you put up for that moment. "Roy Smith never hit eighth, he was a pitcher." 

It was Babe Ruth.  He had 20 career plate appearances batting eighth.  Hit only .067 there.  Truth.

I get him mixed up with Royce all the time.  😁

[Cris E]

1 hour ago, ashbury said:

I get him mixed up with Royce all the time. 

They might be the same height. (Ruth never had to get taped for ABS.)