Max Kepler Loses Arm, Insists He Shouldn't Need Injured List Stint

[Lou Hennessy]

We know how good Max Kepler can be when everything is going right health-wise. But can he climb out of his current injury pit with just one arm?

Image courtesy of Purple Wolf Graphics

In a stunning development in recent days, Max Kepler revealed to his manager Rocco Baldelli that he has a little nagging pain in his left arm, mostly due to the fact that it was torn smooth off his torso over the weekend.
But even more stunning, though not exactly surprising given the subject of the story, Kepler insists that he'll be back in game form come the weekend series in Seattle. 
“Yeah, it hurts, but I'm not sure I'm ready to call it an actual injury yet,” said the 30-year-old right fielder. “Just give me like two or three more days and I promise I'll be back and better than ever.”
Kepler has been out of action since last Thursday when he felt neck stiffness while in the on deck circle before his first inning at-bat. He would then go on to attempt a bunt with two outs, and he'd eventually slide headfirst into the first base bag - unsuccessfully and without shame.
It was a questionable series of decisions from Kepler, but it was par for the course given his line of thinking in recent years when pushed to the decision point of losing playing time, or playing through the pain. 
“I appreciate the dog in him that wants to stay in the fight, I really do,” said a member of the Twins’ training staff. “But dude - you're not a lizard. That thing ain't growing back by Friday.”
Kepler was seen in the Twins’ weight room early this morning spreading what appeared to be chia seeds on the stump which once held his left arm. He then went into the batting cage and took a round of one-armed batting practice. 
“Look, I felt good coming out of the cage today. Still definitely have some things I'm trying to figure out - mostly the arm thing,” said Kepler as he periodically checked to see if the chia concoction was working yet. “It's mostly a matter of pain tolerance, and how hard can that be? Right Buck?”
He looks over at Byron Buxton, who gives an agreeing nod as he lays down for his daily six-hour pregame iron lung treatment. 
As far as a potential roster move is concerned, the Twins’ stalwart slugger has avoided injury stints in the past by sweet-talking his manager. It's still to be determined if that persuasion will work this time around.
“I'm pretty torn on what we should do with him,” said Baldelli. “On one hand, he's one of the leaders in this team as we head into a crucial stretch before the All Star break. On the other hand - well, there is no other hand, because it's on the arm that got yanked off.”
If the team does decide to put Kepler on the injured list, a resurgent Matt Wallner could take his place quite seamlessly in the interim. But the club passed up on promoting him just last week when Alex Kirilloff went on the injured list. Now the Twins just have to decide if now is the right time to give Wallner another shot or take Kepler at his word that he'll be game-ready in short order.
“Whatever they decide, I understand. But I really think I'll be able to help the team really soon,” said an eternally hopeful Kepler. “And the good news is my neck is feeling better than ever.”

 

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[strumdatjag]

With Matt Wallner on a tear in AAA, why not give Max Kepler’s arm a rest on the IL?   Matt Wallner has a gun for an arm that should play well in RF.  

[Whitey333]

I understand the satire and sarcasm.  With Kepler it's well worth it.  He has a history of nagging injuries that tend to keep him on the bench.  The fact that this FO repeatedly let's him get by with it is incredulous.  All it does is hamper the Twins.  They needed to send him on the IL several days ago.  You can't help but question his desire to play.  He needs to go after this season.

[mnfireman]

So that's why Buxton didn't flip him the ball last night and instead rolled it to Castro...

[Richie the Rally Goat]

“what’s so funny?”

[ashbury]

This article would be tongue-in-cheek except I have it on good authority that Lou Hennessy had an emergency glossectomy performed several months ago.

[Lou Hennessy]

10 minutes ago, ashbury said:

This article would be tongue-in-cheek except I have it on good authority that Lou Hennessy had an emergency glossectomy performed several months ago.

Twins Daily has placed Sweet Lou Hennessy on the 15-Day IL (Tongue).

[gil4]

13 minutes ago, ashbury said:

This article would be tongue-in-cheek except I have it on good authority that Lou Hennessy had an emergency glossectomy performed several months ago.

Googling glossectomy.

OUCH! 

May I suggest a few more candidates for the procedure? 😎   

[gil4]

51 minutes ago, Lou Hennessy said:

Twins Daily has placed Sweet Lou Hennessy on the 15-Day IL (Tongue).

You're gonna have to be day-to-day for a month before they can IL you.