Local Contrarian Baffled by Slumping Buxton

[RandBalls Stu]

“He should be playing every day, because otherwise he’s hurting the team. But he should be benched, because otherwise he’s hurting the team. I am in a real pickle here.”

Unlikable Chaska man Barry Daniel is stumped.

It seems like only yesterday that Daniel was irritating his co-workers and a Dunn Bros. barista by loudly proclaiming that Byron Buxton can’t be an MVP, because MVPs play every day.

“He came in here, looked at someone reading the sports section, and said ‘Byron Buxton isn’t even the best outfielder on the team, much less baseball, if he isn't in the lineup every day,’” said Alicia Voss, shift supervisor at the Chaska Dunn Bros. outlet. “I don’t even watch sports, and the customer reading the paper had his AirPods in. There was no audience for this. None.

"Also, he didn’t tip and made a point of holding up the line to tell me his philosophy about why.”

A little more than a week later, Buxton is mired in a 0-for-26 slump and could probably stand a rest day or two to work on whatever’s malfunctioning. There is no such option for Daniel, who hasn’t been invited to the last seven Daniel family Christmases.

“What am I supposed to do with this,” pleaded Daniel. “Clearly, he needs to be sent to the minors or benched for Zach Granite, but I just said he needs to be in the lineup every day. I don’t know him personally, but it’s hard not to think he’s doing this to his critics on purpose.”

Daniel, who predicted the cryptocurrency crash by accident and is now urging other Star Tribune Facebook commenters to “buy the dip,” despite not knowing what cryptocurrency is or what “buy the dip” means, is left to find his own path out of this dilemma.

“He should be playing every day, because otherwise he’s hurting the team. But he should be benched, because otherwise he’s hurting the team. I am in a real pickle here. It shows a lack of professionalism from both Buxton and the Twins.”

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[wsnydes]

I got stuck behind this guy in line.  All I wanted was my avocado & kale grain wrap and almond milk double espresso!  That pretentious prick!  

[BobAzar]

FREE ZACH GRANITE!

[JDubs]

Speaking of annoying contrarians, remember how many people on here last year were just excoriating the Twins for losing Akil Baddoo in the Rule 5 draft? Yelling about how dumb the Twins were for losing an obvious superstar. Anyway, I'm sure they're losing a lot of sleep about not having his -0.6 WAR on the team right now.

[sampleSizeOfOne]

11 minutes ago, JDubs said:

Speaking of annoying contrarians, remember how many people on here last year were just excoriating the Twins for losing Akil Baddoo in the Rule 5 draft? Yelling about how dumb the Twins were for losing an obvious superstar. Anyway, I'm sure they're losing a lot of sleep about not having his -0.6 WAR on the team right now.

I do miss having him in the minors now...

Which is where he is with Detroit, last i checked.

[sampleSizeOfOne]

See, even now Buxton is providing a valuable service,  Think how glorious it will be when all the contrarians are off the site and Buxton finally comes around?

[Rosterman]

Maybe bat Buxton 9th for now? One less at bat?

[RLTW894]

31 minutes ago, Rosterman said:

Maybe bat Buxton 9th for now? One less at bat?

Obviously, I have no way of knowing, but I’m thinking Buxton’s knee is still bothering him. He should be rested and allowed to fully heal. Gordon and Celestino may not be Buxton at this best, but they are holding CF down when Buxton doesn’t play. 

Royce Lewis is being moved around in the minors to gain experience at other positions. I say even let him play CF to allow Buxton to fully heal. The Twins have options and that is good.. Take advantage of it.

[ashbury]

2 hours ago, RLTW894 said:

Obviously, I have no way of knowing, but I’m thinking Buxton’s knee is still bothering him. He should be rested and allowed to fully heal. 

Buxton has more than one chronic ailment.  Remember the migraines?  He suffered a concussion or two as well.  And the team doesn't announce each and every problem that the medical staff learns about in the course of their work day.  I don't rule out that Byron's just not seeing the ball well, given the complicated relationship between brain function and vision.

Oops, sorry, this was supposed to be a satire article.  I was, um, satirizing those who take things too seriously, yeah, that's it.

[sampleSizeOfOne]

4 hours ago, ashbury said:

Oops, sorry, this was supposed to be a satire article.  I was, um, satirizing those who take things too seriously, yeah, that's it.

Yeah, we're using code names!