Chuck Klostermann's HYPERtheticals

[Vanimal46]

Wow, that's, um, either from a movie, or really creative.......

Not from a movie or TV show. More creative than anything. BUT, It makes the most sense to put this disclaimer...

 

This is a True Story. The events depicted in this story take place in Minnesota in 2012. Out of respect for the survivors, their names have been changed. Out of respect for the dead, the rest has been told exactly as it occurred.

[biggentleben]

 

Wow, that's, um, either from a movie, or really creative.......

 

After I'm done throwing up due to my allergy to the smoke of most grasses and thick leaves, including marijuana, I absolutely call the police. For one, even after losing the weight, I can still easily bench press Shaq...

[TheLeviathan]

 

No. A paparazzo, and negotiate my percentage cut. With which, I then hire a divorce lawyer.

 

Yup.  Well, to the first part at least.

[ashbury]

Yup.  Well, to the first part at least.

Perhaps I misunderstood the question, or read something into it.

[Hrbowski]

I think I'll go through here and answer some of these questions.

[Hrbowski]

 

A Life in Film: 

For whatever the reason, two unauthorized movies are made about your life. The first is an independently released documentary, primarily comprised of interviews with people who know you and bootleg footage from your actual life. Critics are describing the documentary as "brutally honest and relentlessly fair." Meanwhile, Sony Entertainment has produced a big-budget biopic of your life, casting major Hollywood stars as you and all of your acquaintances; though the movie is based on actual events, screenwriters have taken some liberties with the facts. Critics are split on the artistic merits of this fictionalized account, but audiences love it.

 

You can only choose 1 film to watch, and the other movie you will never be able to see in your lifetime. You will only know the reactions from your friends and family about the movie you did not watch. Which movie will you decide to watch?

Definitely the movie. I know what I think about myself, and I have a pretty good feeling about what other people think, but with the movie I would be finding out what others thought about something that wasn't really myself, and I'm always interested in that.

[Hrbowski]

 

Here's the next scenario:

The Prince of Sex Appeal:

You meet a wizard in downtown Minneapolis. The wizard tells you he can make you more attractive if you pay him money. When you ask how this process works, the wizard points to a random person on the street. You look at this random stranger. The wizard says, "I will now make him $1 more attractive." He waves his magic wand. Ostensibly, this person does not change at all; as far as you can tell, nothing is different. But -- somehow -- this person is suddenly a little more appealing. The tangible difference is invisible to the naked eye, but you can't deny that this person is vaguely sexier. This wizard has a weird rule, though -- you can only pay him once. You can't keep giving him money until you're satisfied. You can only pay him one lump sum up front.


How much cash are you going to give the Wizard? Let's also keep in mind, this has to be an amount that you can afford, and ultimately justify to your significant other as to why this money has been taken out of the account. 

Nothing. I don't mind my looks, but if I was Donald Trump I might spend my whole fortune.

[Hrbowski]

 

Today's question...

The Countdown:

 

You are presented with a strange challenge: someone dares you to count backward from 300 to 0. If you succeed at this simple request, you will be given $250,000 in cash. However, if you misspeak (or even stutter), get any digit incorrect, or make any mistake whatsoever, you will immediately be doused with gasoline and burned alive.

Do you dare attempt this challenge?

I wouldn't, but my Grandpa would have.

[Hrbowski]

 

I think I found a good one to end the week on. 
 

Body vs. Mind:

 

You are given a choice between two rewards. The first reward is to be twice as intelligent as you are right now -- you will be able to read twice as fast and remember twice as much, the size of your vocabulary will double, and you'll be able to solve intellectual problems with twice your current aptitude. The second reward is that you will never again feel sick (even when you are) and you can always be whatever weight you want, regardless of what you eat or how little you exercise -- you can simply imagine the body you would like to have and that is the weight you will magically become.

Which reward do you choose?

I would be the smartest person in the world if my IQ was doubled. In fact, I would truly be off the charts brilliant, so I would go with the mind.

[Hrbowski]

 

Okay, sticking with the time travel theme. In the 1960 classic film, The Time Machine, based on HG Wells' novel there is a mystery left at the end.

The Time Traveller (played by Rod Taylor) gets back in his machine and returns forever to a future with the illiterate Eloi and the degenerate cannibals, the Morlocks.

To rebuild the shattered world, he takes with him three books from his library. His friend Philby inquires of the housekeeper "What three books would you have taken?"

So, to rebuild the future, what three books would YOU bring?

Three abridged volumes of the internet.

[Hrbowski]

 

Here's a question in the spirit of real baseball games approaching quickly...
 

Two Tickets to Paradise!
 

Congratulations! I don't know how you keep winning these prizes, but you do! Good job, you! This prize is 2 tickets to an upcoming Twins game! You have two options on where to sit in Target Field for the game... The first option are nosebleed seats. However, you're in a section where there's a giveaway with free beer, food, and a crowd of TD members next to you. It's up to you whether that's a good or bad thing that TD members are sitting next to you. The second option are Champion's Club seats. However, in these seats, drinks, food, and even using the restrooms are out of the question. You're just there to sit in those seats, and that's it.

Which option do you choose?

B, not even close. I want to have some fun.

[formerly33]

 

B, not even close. I want to have some fun.

And here I thought you were growing tired of my company ...

[Craig Arko]

Okay, here you go:

 

https://www.soylent.com

 

Would you try it?

[Vanimal46]

 

Okay, here you go:

https://www.soylent.com

Would you try it?

Hard pass. But that's just me being skeptical of all meal replacement options out there.... 

[Mike Sixel]

 

Okay, here you go:

https://www.soylent.com

Would you try it?

 

Try it? Sure, maybe....

 

Use it to replace food? No chance. Eating is one of life's great sensual pleasures. 

[Craig Arko]

I would never try it myself, because I know the secret.

 

[Vanimal46]

This isn't a hypothetical per say, but just a good question overall. 

There's studies done all over the place that say "When you're X years old, that's when you're the happiest you'll be in your life." Some say it's mid-twenties, some say mid-thirties, some say early retirement age. 

So, at what age do you feel like you are (or were) at the peak point of happiness in your life?

[Mike Sixel]

I don't know I'm there yet........I have an amazing partner (wife, if you want to use that word), and most days are awesome. 

 

I also think it's a bad way to look at your life, always looking to the past as a better time. There are so many fun things to do out there, if we would all just stop working so much, and living in so much fear, and just enjoyed life.

 

edit: to be clear, that is not an indictment of your question, I just choose not to live that way.

[ashbury]

 

This isn't a hypothetical per say, but just a good question overall. 

There's studies done all over the place that say "When you're X years old, that's when you're the happiest you'll be in your life." Some say it's mid-twenties, some say mid-thirties, some say early retirement age. 

So, at what age do you feel like you are (or were) at the peak point of happiness in your life?

Whether through fortune or misfortune, the various components of my life have been such that they didn't all peak during the same years of my life. My children, my career, my retirement... I dunno, life is pretty darn good for me in retirement right now but that doesn't mean the other parts weren't good too.

[Vanimal46]

That's a good point ash.. Your happiness will peak at different ages depending on the factors. From a physical standpoint, we're probably happiest from the mid-20's thru mid-30's. Financially, probably in your 50's.. overall quality of life, probably retirement years.. 

[Craig Arko]

I'm generally a miserable wretch most of the time. Still, it could be worse...

 

 

[Squirrel]

I think the happiest I've been is right now ... at least so far. I don't think I've peaked yet!

[Vanimal46]

 

I think the happiest I've been is right now ... at least so far. I don't think I've peaked yet!

Good to hear that I have things to look forward to 10,15,20 years down the road! 

[Craig Arko]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42IWC7TZJdo

[twinsnorth49]

I try my best to live in the moment, so I'm my happiest pretty much all the time..............except when people piss me off on baseball forums by not following the rules.

[twinsnorth49]

Good to hear that I have things to look forward to 10,15,20 years down the road!

Careful now....

[Squirrel]

Careful now....

If you do the math, given Vanimal is 20-something, I'm fine with his 10, 15 or 20 years down the road estimation.

[twinsnorth49]

If you do the math, given Vanimal is 20-something, I'm fine with his 10, 15 or 20 years down the road estimation.

Well that's good, I just didn't want him to dig himself too deep a hole.

[Squirrel]

Well that's good, I just didn't want him to dig himself too deep a hole.

And I'm sure Chief is REALLY happy with those numbers.

[Hrbowski]

 

If you do the math, given Vanimal is 20-something, I'm fine with his 10, 15 or 20 years down the road estimation.

Does that mean I'm the best off?